55.5 is bad enough, but the redaction job merits no credit at all
Sometimes you anonymously post something online. And sometimes you don’t do such a good job at the anonymity. See: this poorly-redacted Zeta Psi pledge test that was posted multiple times to bored@baker.
Lots is worth reading; we just want to draw your attention to one wacky essay question:
During homecoming, you are playing against an alum (’12) who looks blacked out, and his partner, who is a ’17 girl, who seems creeped out by the whole situation. Based on the conversations you had with the alum while playing pong, he is extremely against the administration and claims he took down Jim Kim. The game comes down to half cup versus half cup. The alum comes up to you, says that if he wins this game, he can hook up with this girl, completing his Dartmouth X. He says if he loses, your black book will be destroyed, and he will take Zeta Psi down. The girl clearly looks uncomfortable and wants to leave, but seems too intimidated to speak out. What should you do? Explain why.
Wow! And here’s the pledge’s answer, which was pretty much the only thing he got near-full credit for:
Tell the two players to wait a bit and for your partner to watch them. Then grab an exec and tell him to come down and handle the situation. As a pledge, you have no rights as a person nor do you have authority over anything. This ’17 needs to get carded by an upper. The alum should be dealt w/ by someone who knows him. [emphasis ours]
[N.B. Eric Siu, the Dartmouth sophomore whose name is on the test, ignored a great number of emails for comment. As did Zeta Psi. But the test was explicitly mentioned in the Beta listserv that Gawker published, and all the names in the test refer to real Dartmouth students or fraternity brothers.]
It seems that Penn students’ penchant for heavy petting isn’t limited to members of the human race. The boys of Zeta Psi–artisans of culture that they are–raised a few eyebrows last week when they brought a camel to Spring Fling. The five-year-old camel, which apparently answers to the name of “Khan” or “What the Fuck, a Fucking Camel,” was the star of Zeta Psi’s annual petting zoo–an event that coincided with the school’s campus-wide slop-a-lot singalong, and that accordingly got a little drunk-funky.
According to The Daily Pennsylvanian, Khan the camel was spotted lolling around on the ground outside the frat house, no doubt as trashed as the Penn students themselves. One of their sources reported that “Zeta Psi ‘was packed full of people, all around the camel’ and ‘girls were groping it and they were drunk.'” It speaks volumes about Zeta Psi that their most popular member has four hairy legs and a hump and smells like goat pellets. It also speaks volumes about Penn girls that their beer goggles turn them into animal lovers. But anyway.
The only person to take issue with this situation–everyone else was clearly having barrels of fun rolling in the hay with the camel and his friends, the wallaby, the rabbit and the sheep–was a postdoctoral fellow named George Leslie, who spotted the petting zoo orgy and immediately cried foul to several media outlets. Leslie’s primary complaint was that petting zoos and loud music shouldn’t mix, although anyone who’s ever been to Miami Beach might say otherwise. An investigation by the Office of Student Affairs/Fraternity Sorority Life has since absolved Zeta of any wrongdoing, since apparently using a camel as a lounge chair is totally within the dictates of Natty Light Law. Looks like Khan and Co. can still return next year to smoke a few more doobies and get their asses stroked by Penn freshmen. Living the high life!