Aleksey Vayner to Attend Internet Fame Conference, Be Mocked

You’re welcome, Internet. IvyGate’s oldest and greatest friend and triumph, deluded megalomaniac Aleksey Vayner, will be bringing his own special brand of hilarious douchebaggery to ROFLCON 2010, in April at MIT.

For those who don’t remember, Vayner was the 2006 Yalie whose blustery and lie-filled video resume (“Impossible is Nothing”), fake charity, hedge-fund, and holocaust memoir took the Internet by storm after we dug up all sorts of hilarity. Good times… He threatened to sue us, leading to a highly-publicized online battle. Thanks for that, man. And since public self-promotion worked so well for you the first time, I’m sure this 4chan-style conference is a great idea, and that you’ll be taken very seriously. According to their website, ROFLCON is

Another two days and two nights of the most epic internet culture conference ever assembled. Informed commentators suggest that this may be the most important gathering of humanity since the fall of the tower of Babel. And yes, we’re still looking to get Goatse.

At least Goatse was up-front about where he stood. At the conference, Aleksey will be

discussing what he’s been up to since those fateful months, the issues around privacy online and crisis management, and recounting and reflecting on the experience of being swept up in the middle of the memetic storm.

Did somebody say “comeback”??? Aleksey, the only way you could get more IvyGate-y would be by marrying Lena Chen.

BREAKING: VICTORY… for now; Hanover Police Delay Alcohol Crackdown

Drinks are on us: the Hanover Police just pulled a 180, agreeing to delay their fascistic frat infiltration scheme. H-Po’s flip-flop/newfound epiphany was oh-so-rationally explained by everyone’s favorite power-tripping Police Chief, Nicolas “Wiggum” Giaconne:

From the statements made in recent days, it is clear that the Greek Leadership Council and other involved student groups also share this goal and are committed to working energetically to achieve harm reduction.

We have decidedly less amicable explanations. An intense outpouring of student rage for one, strong arguments made to the popo’s bosses at the Hanover Select Board meeting, and threats of mass student residency-conversion. That is, Dartmouthians invading the town, with voting rights in hand. That would scare Michael Chiklis, let only Giaconne.

Questions remain… Is the espionage scheme dead for good, or might it make an obnoxious return? Will frats and sororities continue to ID all partygoers? What’s in this drink?

In any case, we tip our hats to you, Dartmouth. You fought the law, and you won. Hope we helped with the resistance effort, and thanks for all the tips.

Now, let’s all get wasted.