It’s the time of year when you start to see wild creatures escaping from their habitats. Much like llamas on the loose in Arizona, geese on the loose at UPenn can cause quite a stir. A new Tumblr has dedicated itself to capturing images of Canadian Geese on Penn’s campus and surrounding areas. Happily, this nature documentary also doubles as UPenn’s newest fashion blog. See for yourself below, and play spot-the-goose:
Happy 2015, guys. Now that we’re collectively, if slowly, waking up from our post-holiday daze, it’s time to start getting back in touch with the crazy shit your peers got up to while you were sleeping. Ranging from deadly serious crimes to seriously unfunny jokes, here’s a taste of winter in the Ivy League. In order of descending gravity:
- A Princeton graduate has been indicted for his father’s murder. Thomas Gilbert, P’09, allegedly killed his father, who was the founder of a hedge fund, by staging a suicide while his mother was out of the apartment (he got her to leave by asking her to buy him a sandwich). Gothamist claims that Gilbert Jr. – a 30 year old man – was provoked by a cut in his allowance from $600 to $400 a month.
- The complaint filed by 23 Columbia and Barnard students back in April has finally been answered: Columbia University is officially under investigation for violations of Title IX and Title II. The lesser-known federal Title II deals with cases of discrimination based on ability, while 2014’s buzzword Title IX addresses equal treatment in regards to gender. Barnard College is under a separate Title IX investigation.
- If you thought Dartmouth has been suspiciously quiet of embarrassing scandals lately, think again. 64 Dartmouth students have been charged with cheating in – get this – an Ethics class. Most of them will be suspended for a semester. More specifically, the class was a “sports ethics course targeted at student athletes struggling with academics.” We are sunbathing in the irony.
- UPenn frat Phi Delta Theta decided to send out a digital Christmas card to spread holiday cheer this season. They also spread racism, since their card included a couple dozen white men plus a black female blow-up sex doll. The frat publicly apologized for the “act of poor judgement,” and insisted that the blow-up doll was supposed to be Beyonce, which of course no longer makes it the sexual objectification of a black woman anymore, since it’s Beyonce. Meanwhile, BroBible just didn’t get why everyone’s panties were in such a twist over the situation. Phi Delta Theta has since then been suspended.
- To lighten things up, here are some photos from the 2015 “Men of the Vet School” Cornell calendar. “Great-looking men and adorable animals” apparently make for a “unique and special dynamic” in this photo series of shirtless guys parading around with puppies and tractors. Yep. Special.
- And finally, a beleaguered young Princeton freshman is bravely calling out the microaggressions perpetrated against those who pronounce their “wh”s as “hw”s. For those who don’t know what we or he are talking about, think Family Guy’s “cool hwip.” Grassroots activism, y’all. (Sorry, is that a microaggression?)
A recent Harper Poll showed what we’ve always known to be true: no one respects UPenn.
When Pennsylvanians were asked which of the major in-state universities they respect most, 24% picked Penn State, versus UPenn at 17% (tied with Carnegie Mellon for second-most respected).
[Image via Harper Polling]
Over the weekend, UPenn fraternity Beta Theta Pi and sorority Chi Omega hosted a mixer in which people presumably got drunk, took pictures of themselves, and wore clothes that they sure as hell wouldn’t wear to class. But this time around, overly cropped tops weren’t the issue: the partygoers sported fake knuckle tattoos, “thug” insignias, baggy hoodies and sweatpants, and flipped-back hats. And according to student Ernest Owens, P ’14, the mixer’s theme was “gangsta,” and it was “offensive, disrespectful, racially charged, out of line, and straight up buffoonish.”
When University of Pennsylvania Elvis Hatcher, P’16 passed away on February 4th, students did not receive an email from the university announcing his death. They did not receive an email announcing the death of Madison Holleran, P’17 over winter break or for the nine other Penn students who have lost their lives in the past three years.
If you’ve heard of Grouper, you already know what’s coming. Inspired by the online matchmaking service, Penn now has its very own social start-up to link like-minded students, and its name is just as punny as you would expect. With the tagline “Expand your circles,” it seems that rather than acting as a dating site, GrouPenn just wants you to make new friends. Think that sounds peculiar/desperate/pathetic? Remember the last time you made a new friend, then get back to us.
CBS News has figured out why the whole world is going to pieces: people don’t have enough Ivy League role models, duh. They’ve posted a slideshow on their website of 33 celebrities who clearly think about their Ivy Education at every moment of their waking lives, or at least every moment that they aren’t waxing their upper lips and their Oscar statuettes.
IvyGate agrees that we all need some people to look up to–but as any Ivy League grad will probably tell you, there are “people,” and then there are “qualified people.” So for your benefit, we’ve decided to rate each of CBS’s featured celebs on his or her role-modelability, on a scale of 1 (might as well be Demi Lovato) to 5 (awesomer than three cans of Four Loko at the Harry Potter premiere).
1. Natalie Portman, Harvard ’03. Hangs out with Danny Aronofsky and manages to look a lot taller than she actually is. Also, way more Israeli than Bostonian. And she can rap. 4 out of 5.
2. Emma Watson, Brown ’13. Cute and sparkly, but has been known to burst into tears at the slightest incitement. Likes being a celebrity who hates being a celebrity. May at one point have been topless. Eh, not a lot of life skills there. 2 out of 5.
3. John Krasinsky, Brown ’01. Was an English major, thus showing all English majors that there’s hope for a future career that isn’t (a) librarian, (b) teacher at inner-city high school, (c) sulky Germanic Literature grad student, or (d) smug useless schmo. With a little luck, you can play a smug useless schmo on television. 3 out of 5.
4. John Legend, UPenn ’99. Graduated from high school when he was 16, cut an album with Kanye West, won a whole bunch of awards, and still gave enough of a damn about Penn to make a killer commencement speech in 2009. The man has soul, kids. 5 out of 5.
5. David Duchovny, Princeton ’82, Yale dropout. Former alien intelligence crusader, now just cruises for blond chicks with tits. 1 out of 5 or 5 out of 5, depending on your opinion of blond chicks with tits.
Lots more ratings after the jump!
Remember television? At least, remember the television that wouldn’t cater to the brain-dead, the attention-deficit, the emotionally-challenged, and the desensitized? Ever since Gossip Girl hit the Ivy college wall, it has spiraled into oblivion (kind of like Saved by the Bell: The College Years). ABC Family (and all of its naive college depictions) has always been a moralistic, cringeworthy disgrace. Exhausted, reality television and even internet porn (maybe) have recently sought to scoop the cream from the crop, looking for the next big star (clothed or otherwise) with some Ivy history to spice things up.
Enter Abdi Farah, a 2009 Penn graduate and general hotshot. He’s one of the fourteen groundbreaking contestants on Bravo’s new reality show Work of Art. The premise? Simply: filmed art – with deadlines – with a grand prize of bucketfuls of money and a Brooklyn Museum solo exhibition.
IvyGate first had this reaction: Fine art for the masses?!?! What is this, the New Deal?
Actually, though, it is a pretty Big, New Deal. Out of thousands, Abdi, placed into what seems to be television’s first (beneficial) cultural revolution. Abdi, the youngest contestant at 23, likes to paint Obama. And himself. If there’s some sort of mockery of “intraracial” confusion or allusion to Abdi’s sexy-presidentesque ego, we can’t say. What we do know (and all that really matters): the kid can paint!
Television isn’t this and this packaged, oleaginous bullcrap anymore – or, maybe, television’s just so innately crapular that it was inevitable it smudged its soiled fingers all over the last fringes of “elite culture.” Either way, where this hopelessly ambitious Penn alum failed, let’s just pray Abdi can succeed and prove television, once again, worthy.
Ladies and gents: Mix the mojitos, break out the tanning oil, and commandeer your Daddy’s schooner. IvyGate Summer Session is finally upon us. Even as we flee our beloved campuses for sunnier shores, the news and gossip train chugs on. The days are getting longer and the nights shorter, but equally debauchery-filled. Even while saving whales in Antigua, starving children in Senegal, and derivatives on Wall Street, Ivy Leaguers still find the time to act ridiculously. Ivy absurdity doesn’t take a vacation, and neither do we. So as you slave away at your unpaid internship, rack up mandatory Science credits, get wasted at your BS “language study” abroad, enjoy a free “cultural” beach vacay on your school’s travel grants, and suck up to your parents for spending money, you can still count on IvyGate for perennial distraction/chuckles.
But of course, fresh air calls for fresh blood, and so, in the time-honored guest editor tradition, IvyGate’s shaking up its editorial leadership for the summer, giving some new folks a chance to test their muckraking mettle. Your irresponsible EICs, Alex Klein and Dan D’Addario, are taking a break–hopefully to produce stories of wrongdoing of their own for others to write about. Freed from the day-to-day slog of the site’s trenches, we’ll be providing guidance and checking out applications for July’s guest editor positions (if you’ve emailed us already: don’t worry, we’re compiling the list and getting back to you all with application info ASAP).
Stepping into the breach for the month of June are two phenomenally talented writers and editors, both IvyGate contributors, who we think will rock your Argyle socks. They’ll be taking the good and leaving the bad with a very short learning curve, pushing out 5-10 posts a week and fielding your tips, love-songs, and hate-rants.
So give a warm welcome to your June guest editors, the dastardly duo of Miranda Lewis — also Editor-in-Chief of Yale’s Bullblog — and Gabe DeLeon — actor, humorist, man-about-town. Look forward to their introductory post tomorrow, and to phenomenal stuff from these time-tested satirists and blogstars in the weeks to come.
Tucker, Penn ’12, is better than you. His pool house has two floors; he has a 19th-century country-house in the middle of DC; he has great polo shirts; and he also has the audacity to show it all off on MTV’s Teen Cribs. Now, despite the ‘let-them-eat-cake’ unintentional elitism–and the surprising tackiness of the house itself–the Johns family seems nice… almost, too nice. One brother describes his parents as “the-bomb-dot-com”; Tucker himself says he spends most of his free-time chilling with his “awesome family.” (The parents are, of course, venture capitalists.)
Through some stilted line-deliveries and awkward tracking shots, we learn that Tucker is
20 years old, and a big fan of anything to do with pop culture.
The attire is preppy par excellence (note the many St. Albans sweaters), and the family is actually sort of adorable, if monarchical:
We have this big island in the middle of the kitchen, so when my Mom’s cooking you’ll find us around it, talking and laughing.
Cut to San Pellegrino and Evian in the transparent fridge (plus super-cool MTV transition music).
Our favorite quote is Tucker’s, wandering the outside grounds:
It’s kind of unusual to have a trampoline in this area. Not a lot of people have big yards.
Cue sister Gussie, riding up on a Vespa (Tucker: “Oh look, there’s Gussie!”), before giving us a tour of their family’s private lacrosse field. This proves a mere lead-in to the family’s luxury two-story pool-house (a hell of a lot bigger than my apartment) where “it kind of feels like you’re not in the city anymore.”
Well, they finally figured out how to make the cold materialism, fetishized elitism and tacit arrogance of Cribs even more skin-crawling: just add a splash of the Ivy League.
Full video here. Skip to 14:40 for the Tucker segment.