Today I Went Looking For Terry Richardson’s Upturned Thumb (And Almost Found It)

On Wednesday I wrote that Brown junior Scout Willis had tweeted about dry-cleaning crusty bed sheets, having anonymous sex, and consuming a pharmacy’s worth of drugs. For four months. At 5:30 PM the following day, Bruce Willis’s powerflack, Samantha Mast, blanketed entertainment outlets with this press release, which most of them published verbatim:

Below please find a statement in response to your earlier inquiry about the Bougpunk Twitter account.

In connection with a class assignment, in which students were asked to create a “culture jam” or “hoax”, three students created a satirical and fabricated Twitter account in which everything tweeted was fictional. This was done to illustrate how social media is utilized and that in today’s social media culture, you can create a significant twitter following based entirely on fabricated lies, and that the more outrageous and controversial the fabricated statement, the more followers you will get. Current media interest in the fabricated twitter school assignment appears to prove that point.

The majority of said outlets quoted Willis’s most innocuous tweets—the one in which she smokes cigarettes and takes Adderall, the one about capitalism—while ignoring the most newsworthy one, in which she (i.e., Scout—not one of her nameless classmates) claims to have posed topless for Jezebel villain Terry Richardson after declining his offer to finger her. She even attached a blurry photo of her with Richardson as lurid evidence of their encounter.

The omission of Richardson’s name is significant because Richardson doesn’t care much about tending his public image. That means Scout’s father, Bruce Willis, wanted Richardson’s name removed from the news about his daughter—even though Scout’s tweet about him was the most interesting aspect of her secret Twitter account. The aforementioned damage control disappeared Richardson down some Hollywood memory hole. It was as if Scout never mentioned him! But Scout did mention Richardson; they met somewhere; and Scout bragged about meeting him on Twitter.

Terry Richardson is currently MIA. And so today, in New York, I went looking for him. Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: Scout Willis Calls IvyGate, Deletes Secret Twitter Account, Has No Comment

Earlier this afternoon, Brown student and miniature celebrity Scout Willis ’13 (pictured right, with her mom, Demi Moore) left IvyGate a breathless voicemail demanding that we call her back. Shortly after that, she deleted the secret Twitter account we reported as her own. We soon returned Scout’s call, and in the ensuing conversation she told IvyGate that she had “absolutely no comment” because we “had already made enough assumptions for today.”

To Scout’s credit, the conversation was rather civil—quite unlike the unfiltered id known as @BOUGPUNK.

(Around the same time of our call the National Enquirer rewrote our original story under the headline “TWEETY PIE EYED! DEMI & BRUCE DIRTY DAUGHTER SCOUT.”)

Also: One of IvyGate’s attentive readers commented that no, no, no: Scout’s Twitter account was a satirical final project for a class at Brown:

Get some journalistic integrity, dude. This twitter was a final project for a class last semester that was 100% satire.

100% satire. Right. If so: for which class? Taught by which Brown professor? Do you know? Email us immediately. As in right now. For the time being, we will ignore the absurd idea that @BOUGPUNK would actually pass for a final project at Brown, or anywhere in higher education. And I guess you can ignore the fact that Scout’s Twitter feed commenced in late October of last year and continued until late last month. Because that totally sounds like a final project.

Even if Scout’s secret Twitter was some kind of final project (or belonged to one), even if she intended it to be satire (which it’s not—really, Scout doesn’t understand satire) then MAYBE IvyGate’s coverage is the point of the whole project. Of course! That was the idea of that Yale abortion art thing, right? Why not? Expect a Shvartsian essay in the Herald tomorrow.

“Terry Richardson Tried to Finger Me”: Demi Moore’s 21-Year-Old Daughter Secretly Tweets Heavy Drug Use, Graphic Sex Life at Brown

Scout LaRue Willis ’12, wayward daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, is notable for attending Brown, being in a band with Jann Wenner’s son, supplying vocals to classmate Nico Jaar’s recent track, “As I Say”, and exposing her buttocks for some sort of fashion website—according to which Scout “is an open spirit that warms and lights up any cold space or empty soul within range.”

For the past four months, however, Scout has been updating a secret, pseudonymous Twitter account, on which she periodically mentions her “coke habit”“casually taking MDMA”, and “railing Klonopin”; makes strange, cinematically violent threats against her Brown classmates and others; posts amateur photography (such as this picture of her with Terry Richardson, for whom Scout apparently posed topless after Richardson tried to have sex with her); and of course spews lots of hipster nonsense—e.g., “Have you even READ the Wikipedia page for Gravity’s Rainbow?”

Due perhaps to said drugs, Scout has shared some insanely graphic accounts of her personal life, such as her (really) dirty laundry:

haven’t washed me sheets in like months, cum stains, soda stains, mascara on the pillows the works! finally taking then to the dry cleaners!

On December 31, Scout alerted her readers to her ongoing waxing session:

Getting my vag waxed as I tweet, was jut chastised by a tiny Russian woman for being so hairy

Two days prior, Scout bragged about having drug-fueled sex with a stranger:

Casually took MDMA at this little bar downtown and got fingered by the hot dude who delivered our munches because I was with too many gays

And, in November, Scout tweeted that New York provocateur Terry Richardson attempted to finger her: Read the rest of this entry »

IvyLeagueBitch is Like Montaigne, if Montaigne Were a Hot Chick

We’re always looking for fellow Ivy League snarkoleptics, and so we’re thrilled to have found a kindred spirit in the hellaciously funny @IvyLeagueBitch. ILB is the would-be Gossip Girl of the Ivy scene (seriously–she signs her emails “X No X No”), with a healthy helping of scorn for J. Press and CollegeACB. Recent examples of her wisdom include:

Anyone know somebody with H1N1 that I can make out with before my midterms tomorrow? Everybody wins.

And:

The library has been taken over by Asians and there’s nowhere to sit. I’m pulling the fire alarm.

And:

I got into Princeton, but I’m scared of guidos.

We love this shit, obviously, so we got in touch with IvyLeagueBitch to ask her a few questions about her sass.

IvyGate: What’s your relationship to the Ivy League? Are you undergrads/nostalgic alums/beat poets who hang around in campus bars during the day?
IvyLeagueBitch: Well, one of my ancestors founded Harvard, so that’s one relation. Let’s see…my maternal great-grandfather has a building at Yale, and my father was president of St. A’s at Columbia during his senior year. I also currently attend an Ivy League university. Do I sound like a dirty beat poet? Jack Kerouac is so last century.

Now the ten-cent Captain Obvious question: what made you start this Twitter account?
Well, I was actually quite late on the Twitter train; I mean, why would I care about what other people are thinking and/or doing? It’s like, “Sorry, I’d rather finish Aeschylus.” But then, I thought, why wouldn’t anyone care what I think and/or do? So I totally started this Twitter during my study break from Stats (gross).

Read the rest of the interview after the jump! Read the rest of this entry »

ALERT: James Franco says, “Fuck the Yale Daily News”

MacArthur Genius and Yale Ph.D candidate James Franco has a message for the Yale Daily News. That message is, “fuck you.”

At around 5:30 p.m. today, Franco tweeted a link to his WhoSay account that included the above scathing indictment, lovingly scribbled out in blood-red MSPaint letters. The attack is apparently a response to this weekend column by Yale Daily News writer Cokey Cohen. (“Is that a real name,” we ask.) In the piece, Cokey comes out with all guns blazing, boldly declaring, “James Franco, your Twitter sort of sucks.”

To that we say: How Dare You? This is the artist who’s famously tried his hand at everything from General Hospital to novella writing to hosting the Oscars, baked as hell. And he’s good at all of it. (Shhhh!)

Cokey Cohen, where do you get the gall to slander James that way? His Twitter sucks? You suck. Franco’s Twitter feed includes all sorts of awesome links to awesome stuff that Franco has done, awesomely. And, if he doesn’t include those “pithy statements” you pine for — or words of any kind, to be honest — then maybe that’s all part of his vision. Ever thought of that? Of course you didn’t. I bet you didn’t even read Palo Alto. It was like a third grader threw up on Hemingway. And it was amazing. So to suggest Franco doesn’t know how to Twitter — well that’s just ridiculous.*

Anyway, the board is set. The pieces are moving. Yada Yada. What say you, YDN? Are you going to let this guy take that sort of a shot at you — drag your name through the mud — without any consequences? The ball is in your court. Don’t disappoint.

*By the way, we’re totes just kidding. We take no sides in CokeyTwitterGate. Our only agenda is that this escalate as much as humanly possible. More on this exceptional story as it develops.

UPDATE: Cokey has responded to Franco’s incendiary pictorial with her own analysis of the situation.

She says:

Basically what this means is that my single meaningful point of contact with the guy who totally hosted the Oscars Sunday night is the fact that he read something snarky I wrote about him, online. I mean, a lot of my life happens online … but this is way bigger than any of that. It’s also possibly the pinnacle of my career as a writer.

We’re inclined not to disagree. She goes on:

I’m becoming convinced that James Franco’s whole life is a form of postmodern performance art. In that context, his Twitter fits right in.

Actually, we’re almost entirely certain this is the truth. Well said, Cokes.

Cornell Girl Has Problems, Tweets About Them

It all started with White Girl Problems (@whitegrlproblem). Bemoaning everything from carbs to cocktails to cute boys, Babe Walker’s Twitter pokes fun at the luxurious life and has managed to lure in almost 120,000 followers. While her complaints are not unfounded (“I had the worst nightmare last night. I was eating a bowl of brown rice and it turned into white rice.”—Err, yeah, I hate it when that happens?) they likely appeal to a rather niche audience. Namely, her readers include girls who weigh less than 90 pounds, spend more than $500 getting their hair done, and, in at least one case, go to Cornell.

Cornell Girl Problems (@crnellgrlprblms), whose tweets assume a similar thematic tone, might well be one of these readers is def an avid fan, as White Girl Problems is one of the mere three users she follows—a count that also includes SororityGirlProblems (@SororityProblems) and Lindsey Lohan (@LohanLindsey30), who hasn’t even tweeted yet because she’s been busy in jail. Cornell Girl’s dilemmas range from dilapidated weather to dining hall dreads—the Ithacan twist on the woes of the white girl. The majority of the posts harp on how much Ithaca sucks weather-wise:

or just how pervasive the state of the drunk Cornellian really is:

Okay, granted, this was clearly one instance. But other posts solidify the notion that intoxication is a central activity to the female at Cornell who, like @whitegrlproblem, has little body fat and must wear heavy coats to keep warm must get hammered when she goes out so she can look hot at the frats and not experience what -15 actually feels like.

With Cornell facing so many real and boring problems, Cornell Girl Problems is a breath of fresh air stale frat-house air. Her complaints ground her classmates in the little things, like how many carbs are in dining hall entrees and how giving blood just to impress the lax team is not actually a good decision. Cornell Girl keeps Cornellians from getting caught up in the larger woes, like a Nutty Professor who tried to defend ESP on the Colbert Report and yet another instance of Ivy League drug a-cookin’. #whatelseisnew.

RagTime: Hobbits and Night Lights Edition

Attention Undergrads: Firefox Now Knows When You’re Drunk and Stupid

IvyGate readers, we’re about to save your social lives. You can thank us later. Well, you can thank us later if you can still access your computer, because the Social Media Sobriety Test might alternatively decide that you’re too much of a drunken fool to use the Internet.

The Firefox plugin, which was launched last week, forces you to pass simple tests to “prove you’re sound of mind” before you can log onto Facebook and tell your freshman-year boyfriend that his new girlfriend looks like a wombat with a bad haircut. Users choose their “hours of intoxication” and the sites they know they should stay away from, and voilà, an instant beer buffer.

So far the plugin works like a charm, albeit a slow charm that takes so long to load that most drunk people would probably just fall asleep first. That must be part of the strategy.

But make no mistake: this program means business. IvyGate gave it a test run in the middle of the afternoon (we need to be protected from ourselves 24/7, so it’s not that weird), and we have to say, it’s hard. We swear we weren’t drunk. But trying to count steadily to thirty seconds when a bear in a party hat keeps rolling by holding a sign that says “8”? That’s like trying to tell the difference between your third and fourth toes without looking at them.

On the one hand, this is good news for all of us, and more importantly for everyone who knows us. No more late night trips down stalker lane. No more tweeting stupid shit like “I can’t find my feet” or “@FratBoyJohn you have weird nipples ha haha haah.” No more singing along to “Chocolate Rain” at 3am with the speaker volume cranked up to 150 decibels. No more Facebook-messaging the male college dean to ask him if he’s pregnant.

On the other hand, though, we suspect we might be shooting ourselves in the foot by posting this. Drunk college students are our favorite kind of people, and if everyone just went to bed every time they got crapulous, our jobs would probably be a lot harder. And what if you’re just a genuine idiot? No Facebook after 10pm? Morons, take heed.

Op-Ed: GoodCrushFail

It’s about that time of the year when your pants are fitting a little tighter and couples, making you snarl: Valentine’s pre-week, and if you’re lucky, Sex Week as well. Slushy snowy nonsense keeps you indoors, and your achy breaky heart’s asking you to look for love in all the wrong places. What options have you got? Facebook? Umm…Grandma’s on that, now. Craigslist? Not, unless you want to be brutally axe-murdered. How about their twisted, nymphomaniac grandchild: a new site, just for lonely collegiates like yourself?

Well, why not? Guess it’s about time for a techno-regime change; young, bored college students need to redefine what’s already been defined. Myspace failed where Facebook triumphed. And now, e-Harmony’s been bested by this new, perky young thing, fresh to the Interwebs. Her name’s GoodCrush, and she’s on the prowl, eating away the last three minutes you have after Facebook-ing, Twitter-ing, Digging, Myspace-ing, Masturba… – taking long showers etc.

If your inbox hasn’t already been thoroughly molested by GoodCrush’s prying hands, then sorry… guess you’re not attractive. (Or just not the Yale student body president.) Either way, the love notices are as sex-starved as…well, as all the Ivies themselves. Take these Shakespeareans, for example:

Your beauty is so radiant it’s like you have eight legs. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

You were wearing an argyle sweater. You’re descended from Xerxes.

You’re short and Asian and always so well-dressed…I love that you use a pink ruler to draw your graphs when taking notes….any chance you’d want to hold my ruler and lie tangent to my production possibilities frontier?

Hot. If people weren’t so busy being awkward stalkers, who knows how many children would be running around on campuses? The smell of love’s in the air, and GoodCrush is cooking up a feral pheromone stew. Or maybe that’s just the smell of lube, SAE. Either Cupid’s shooting blanks or college kids have finally realized that mystery is sexy (do me, Sherlock).

So how does it work? Crush on anyone (literally) by typing their e-mail into a precarious “crush list.” They’ll get your anonymous note and – ta-da! More confusion. They sign-up and are forced to find you by “matching” your crush. Sound like a romantic disaster? Yup: In every way possible. But it’ll get you laid, right? This Valentine’s, don’t sit alone in your room with Mr. Vibes, a Fleshlight, or your best friend: Jergens. Get out there. GoodCrush…and then smash!

Or, maybe just get trashed. Love is overrated.

Emma Watson Going to Yale, Incompetent Scottish Mag Says

emma_watson1The List, a Scottish arts and entertainment magazine, has reported that Emma Watson is a “University nerd” headed for Yale come September rather than Brown, as originally reported. Confused? Watson probably is too.

Maybe the bleary-eyed author accidentally clicked on a faux-Twitter posting where a pseudo-Watson said she had accepted Yale’s offer. I mean, New Haven? Really? Who would fall for that?

People Magazine has failed to confirm the story. A recent piece on Hermione’s recent grown-up Interview led with “It’s no secret Emma Watson – a.k.a. Hermione Granger in Harry Potter’s world – wants a degree from an American college, preferably an Ivy League school like Brown.” (Emphasis added.) Smooth, very smooth, People.

Our inside sources say that barring a drastic change of plans, the prize prefrosh is “assumed” to be coming, fulfilling every Brunonian dream of finally meeting their bookish childhood idol.

As of April 14th, Watson, who recently turned 19, blogged that she still hadn’t decided where to go. But it looks like she will be pursuing higher education in the fall, unlike her co-star Daniel Radcliffe (he who famously overexposed himself, with a horse) who set eating clubbers’ panties aflame with rumors that he would be attending Princeton. Only that never happened.

We have one last question: did she get rejected from Harvard? Because she definitely visited.