Did These Yalies Get Tapped for Skull & Bones? (We Have No Idea!)

We’re not going to lie: this list is based off of a completely anonymous email we received an hour ago. Grain of salt and all that. The only other evidence we have is that one of the members listed below recently friended around half of the other members on Facebook. DEER ISLAND HERE WE COME.

Commenters, you can set us straight. Love, IvyGate

To: tips@ivygateblog.com
Date: Wednesday, April 18, 2012 12:54:39 PM
Subject: Skull and Bones Class of 2013

Amalia Skilton
Bay Gross
Dakota McCoy
Elizabeth Asai
Fatymatou Dia
Ilana Harris-Babou
Jacob Paul
Julian Reid
Lawrence Lim
Maddy Sharp
Max de la Bruyere
Meredith Potter
Samer Sabri
Teddy Collins
Yishai Schwartz

Deer Island Servant Reveals Skull & Bones’s Sorta-Sexy Secrets (And More!)…On, Um, Reddit

The point of a secret society is not to remain secret—it’s to be just secret enough to make people wonder. The goal of “leaking” “secrets” is thus to strike the optimal balance between outrageous lies and outrageous truths. No one does this better than the most infamous Ivy society ever, Skull and Bones—including, per a bizarre Reddit thread, their underpaid help.

A tipster points out that Reddit user 322Throwaway opened an “Ask Me Anything” tell-all session in which he/she claims to have worked as a staff member on the private island of the super-secret Yale society Skull and Bones (if you really have never heard of this before, here. If you want to see the island, here). As evidence, Throwaway provides a blurry tax statement from the “Deer Island Club Corporation,” along with some sci-fi psycho-babble.  As always, the Reddit community was thoughtful, solemn, and profound (see photo to the right).

Throwaway (yes, I’m going to keep calling him/her that. Throwaway, if you’re reading this, we don’t think you’re a throwaway! We think you’re great! Email us!) claims to have cooked and cleaned for nearly 15 hours a day at a puny  starting salary of $150 per week (plus perks: free room, board, alcohol, weed, cocaine, great views of naked co-workers, opportunities to get “riproaringly drunk” at feasts furnished with fresh lobsters and a margarita machine).

So how does one get such an unbelievably memorable job on Deer Island? many a Reddit user wanted to know. Through connections: two generations of his/her family who were in the Bones vouched for him/her. Apparently Bones legacies (who aren’t in Bones for some reason?—this was never explained!) get sent to the kitchen. Our guess is that Throwaway is a Bonesman family legacy who got rejected from Yale.

Hit the jump to find out what Throwaway revealed about the rich and powerful: who almost got arrested for flashing tourists on Deer Island, and why the Bonesmen don’t use prostitutes! Read the rest of this entry »

Man steals $5M from Columbia before telegraphing own identity to authorities

Not all theft is equal. That’s obvious enough. Rather, it should be measured in degrees, from petty theft on up. You can even apply said standards to a collegiate setting:

Down at the bottom of the grifter totem pole are pilfering cookies and fruit from the dining hall. Totally innocuous, but you’re still likely to incur the wrath of the lumpy, uniformed cafeteria attendant with the glandular problem and a power trip if you get caught. Slightly more egregious – though still squarely in the realm of “couldn’t give a rat’s ass” – is residence hall DVD theft. A little higher, there’s the inter-fraternity thievery that never fails to amaze us for the sheer magnitude of cliché. (Historical note: At the top of this category resides Skull and Bones’ misappropriation of Geronimo’s skull, which is sort of impressive.)

Stealing money, stealing mascots, stealing dignity. Blah, blah, blah. What about when a university steals ancient artifacts from ancient peoples? All the aforementioned examples pale in unbelievable comparison to this report from the Columbia Spectator:

A Bronx man was indicted Monday after allegedly stealing nearly $5 million from the University over the last two months.

The supposed culprit is George Castro, a 45-year-old New Yorker who authorities at one point believed to be a Columbia employee. Castro had been siphoning funds through an unauthorized account that he somehow finagled Columbia’s system into recognizing as a payee, and accumulated the nearly-$5 million stake between Oct. 4 and Nov. 24. Investigators are still uncertain as to how Castro infiltrated the university’s accounts-payable system. The Wall Street Journal offers that the cyber-crook is a “tech expert.”  We have our doubts.

There’s no denying the savvy that must be involved in embezzling 5 mil from a prestigious university. That he was caught doesn’t even necessarily diminish the magnitude of the crime. (After all, Clooney got busted at the end of Ocean’s 11, yet maintained a vice-grip on his BAMF credentials.)

But Jesus Christ, can you say breadcrumbs?

First off, it didn’t take much detective work to finger Castro as the culprit – considering his actual name was on the bank account in question. You would think that someone who took the time to make off with that amount of money would at least watch a gangster movie and discern, “Hey, maybe I should look into this money laundering thing!”

Then, when the cops arrived to arrest the guy, what do they find? An $80,000 sports car parked in his driveway and 200 grand just chillin’ in a plastic bag. Well, that’s subtle. Did he at least have some sort of alibi or excuse?

According to the New York Post,

“The money just appeared in my account. I got greedy,” he told investigators.

This man is clearly a genius.

So, in a nutshell, Curious George is claiming that the money magically appeared in his bank account, willed there by a genie or unicorn or one of those little weird troll things with glitter in its belly button. Castro is currently in police custody and charged with grand larceny. His bail has been set at $2 million and his next court date is Dec. 15. And thus concludes this chapter of The Thomas Clown Affair.

Final Halloween Memories, Courtesy of Yale’s Skull and Bones

As most of you are probably now waking up from last night’s festivities, we would like to spread a final bit of Halloween cheer, courtesy of Yale’s Skull and Bones.

Remember when Skull and Bones tried to auction off “memorabilia” at Christie’s? Or that time some kid ventured into their tomb with a camera? Well, Skull and Bones has decided to keep this Halloween low-key compared to their past antics.

Thanks to our tipster, who quipped, “hopefully this is not indicative of what goes on inside the ‘tomb.’”

Pundits Send Out Secret Society Rosters to All of Yale

In a cleverly disguised email from a faux-Admissions Office account, Yale’s pro-pranksters just made good on their annual tradition of society-curtain-drawing. Interestingly, this year they’ve only gotten their hands on Skull and Bones, Wolf’s Head, and Scroll and Key. We had your backs on this a week or so ago, but the Pundits definitely did it with more style (and also, maybe better information; a handful of names are different than our reports.) For what it’s worth, here’s their take:

Yale Students,

We here at the Admissions Office want to thank you all for helping us throw a fantastic Bulldog days –

our most successful yet! After getting a great look at all we have to offer here, our pre-freshmen and

freshwomen are “choosing Yale!” Accepted students have begun to declare their matriculation, and

we’re blowing Harvard and Princeton out of the water!

Here are the rankings:

Wolf’s Head (matriculation rate 67%):
Rui Bao
Kate Berman
Logan Greer
Rhiana Gunn-Wright
Michael Jones
Gabrielle Karol
Andrew Kolmar
Tina Kraja
Ellis Ludwig-Leone
Chris Magoon
Thomas Meyer
Caroline Nash
Kwaku Osei
Allie Ossa
Max Walden
Victor Wong
Scroll & Key (60%):
Katie Bolling
Michael Boyce
Silia DeFilippis
Jackie Delligatti
Stephen Feigenbaum
Cory Finley
Elisa Gonzalez
Andrew Gu
Jill Hagey
Abraar Karan
Ka Mo Lau
Grace Needlman
Zach Rotholz
Emma Sokoloff-Rubin
Ben Stango

Skull & Bones (63%):
Mallory Baysek
Kevin Beckford
Timeica Bethel
Lily Blair
David Broockman
Lusdymer Pichardo
Nicole De Paz
Jonathan Eng
Kate Grace
Kunal Lunawat
Paul Needham
Jesse Reising
Kaiyuan Wang
Seth Weintraub
Matthew Zuckerman

EXCLUSIVE: Skull and Bones, 2010-2011

UPDATED

Yesterday, we dropped Scroll and Key and Wolf’s Head. Now, thanks to an anonymous tipster (as always… grain of salt), here are this year’s future leaders of the free world. Yale’s big kahuna Secret Society, Skull and Bones, revealed:
Skull and Bones

  • David Broockman
  • Matt Zuckerman
  • Paul Needham
  • Kunal Lunawat
  • Jesse Reising
  • Kevin Wang
  • Lily Blair
  • Lusdymer Pichardo
  • Kevin Fitzroy Beckford
  • Kate Grace
  • Temeica Bethel
  • Nicole de Paz
  • Jonathan Eng
  • Mallory Baysek
  • S.B.K. Weintraub

Friends and commenters, let us know if we’ve made any mistakes, and we’ll be quick to correct. We wouldn’t want to misidentify any Boners.

EXCLUSIVE: Yale Secret Society Taps – Scroll and Key + Wolf’s Head

Yes, it’s that time of year! Through an anonymous tip, I am happy to provide–for your delectation–the 2010-2011 tap classes of two of Yale’s first-string societies: Wolf’s Head and Scroll and Key. Although we can’t vouch for 100% accuracy, we’ll put our editorial weight behind these lists based on source credibility. Not much editorial content to add: either you know these hot young future oligarchs, or you don’t. (Or, like me, you don’t go to Yale. Sorry, we’ll put up a post on Dartmouth on Thursday!) Who wants to be America’s next top secret society member? These Yalies do:

Scroll and Key

  • Silia DeFilippis
  • Abraar Karan
  • Ka Mo Lau
  • Andrew Gu
  • Jackie Delligatti
  • Katie Bolling
  • Stephen Feigenbaum
  • Cory Finley
  • Elisa Gonzalez
  • Grace Needlman
  • Zach Rotholz
  • Emma Sokoloff-Rubin
  • Michael Boyce
  • Jill Hagey
  • Ben Stango

Wolf’s Head after the jump, and some insights from our tipster:

Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: Skull and Bones Ballot Box Taken Off the Auction Block

lrg-skull_sadSorry, tin-foil-hat brigade. Turns out that Bones’ grisly human skull ballot box and its accompanying revelatory black book will not see the light of day after all. Christie’s recently cancelled the upcoming auction, withdrawing the items after receiving a mysterious “title claim.” Speculation: Maybe Skull and Bones wanted it back to use as a quirky mint jar? The skull’s enigmatic “European art dealer” owner absconded to the Maldives? Christie’s realized that nobody in their right mind would pay $20,000 for a moldy piece of irrelevant memorabilia?

Or, to quote Stephen Colbert:

“You should have seen where they stuffed the ballots before the guy died.”

Through all this, we’re still a little confused as to why nobody has asked the obvious question: Who’s godforsaken skull is this, anyway? Were these post-mortem shenanigans in his will? Was he an organ donor?

Maybe we’re off-base here, but we’re pretty sure that human corpse theft–especially for use in a college clubhouse–might warrant a little investigation. Are the CSI folks available?

Flag-Burning Yalie Hyder Akbar Burned a Flag, Doesn’t Want You to Know About It

hyderflagControversial Yale alum Hyder Akbar (or friends thereof) is infiltrating and undermining the cyber-symbiosis of Wikipedia.

According to a Wikipedia editor-turned-whistleblower, Hyder’s Wikipedia entry is being mysteriously and repeatedly cleansed of any reference to his unfortunate arson incident.

Usernames ‘Brucebruceemily1,’ Brucebruceemily12‘, ‘Brucebruceemily123,’ (points for variety), and ‘Okaythen1‘ have been particularly delete-key-happy, at all hours of the day and night. Their nemeses, the honest Wikipedian editors, are at their wits’ end. One of them, ‘Hellomontana‘, pleads to the censors:

Don’t take off this part, it’s well documented and relevant.

Thus ensues a repeated back-and-forth copy/pasting duel. All in all, the flag-burning incident has been deleted from the site over eight times. One Hyder-happy censor even replaced a sentence about the obviously-significant crime with a list of his literary accolades. (How helpful!) An editor of the embattled page, clearly frustrated, contacted us with the story.

Nothing warms our hearts more than finding out that our old friends are keeping busy: namely, by editing teh Internet and crafting misleading online articles in order to self-promote and dodge public responsibility for drunken disrespectfulness. But if you thought there was nothing less classy than creating and editing your own hagiographical Wikipedia page (or burning a flag during wartime), then check out Hyder’s own ironic, pretentious, anti-American, and yet hilarious words, along with the Yale connection. After the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Christie’s Auctions Off Skull & Bones Memorabilia
(Human Ballot Box, Great Conversation Piece!)

Picture 2The AP reported this afternoon that an anoymous “European art collector” is putting one of Skull and Bones’ many creepy and useless items up for auction at Christie’s.

The skull is fitted with a hinged flap and is believed to have been used during voting at the famous society’s meetings. The auction house said it also may have been displayed at the society’s tomblike headquarters on Yale’s campus in New Haven, Conn., during the late 1800s.

Well, shoot. First, some rando broke into their tomb, camera in hand, and uploaded the video to YouTube, replete with cheesy, menacing music (collective cable news orgasm.) Next, Bonesman and flag burner Hyder Akbar showed his dbag stripes (again) in a Wikipedia war. Now this?

Well. How about this. Does anyone out there need a method of settling a dispute democratically and macabrely? The Bonesmen have you covered: an antique ballot box, made out of a human skull! Try finding that in SkyMall or on HSN. So, at where shall we start the bidding? Back to that report:

Christie’s estimates the skull will sell for $10,000 to $20,000 when it is auctioned on Jan. 22.

$20,000??? Unless it’s Geronimo’s skull (naughty naughty)–or one of those magical ones from Indiana Jones 4 (so underrated)–that seems a little steep for a musty old clubhouse item.

Reaction, merchandising perks, and detailed photo after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »