Yale Pundits Host Rapey Pre-Tap Party?

Well, “rapey” is a strong word. It was something, though, that’s for sure. For those of you (like myself) uninitiated in the ways of upper-crust Yale douchebaggery, let’s start with some introductions. The Pundits are Yale’s “senior prank society.” Now this might sound sort of stupid and puerile to you. (That was my initial reaction.) But apparently its sort of a big deal. Joe Lieberman was even a member! (So some of them are  probably bastards.)

That, in fact, is a notion this story helps confirm. On February 19, the Pundits held an elaborate fête for potential members. And, if reports are to be any judge, they apparently acted like perfect hosts. (If by “perfect hosts” you mean skeevy, weirdo Chester the Molesters.)

According to the Yale Daily News:

About 50 people attended the party, which was by invitation only and hosted by the Pundits, multiple attendees said. They added that students were told to arrive at the party in costume, but midway through the night were told to disrobe.

From the get-go, this sounds pretty bad. The Pundits apparently played off the natural power dynamic — the guests were, after all, trying to get in to the club  — and pressured them to chug down large quantities of alcohol, then get naked. It’s like an Eyes Wide Shut parody from college hell. Several attendees even ended up at the Yale-New Haven Hospital, presumably for alcohol-related badness. But what’s worse even than the alcohol and nakedness is the alleged sexual misconduct.

After the jump, the most damning portion of the YDN’s article on the event:

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Yale Rumpus Awards IvyGate First Place in Sarcastic “Remedial Media Awards”; IvyGate Awards Rumpus this Post

Here at IvyGate, we usually tend to refrain from writing about ourselves (hell, who are we kidding… we’re Ivy-Leaguers. Self-promotion FTW). Yet, today marks a proud day in our humble blog’s scandalized history. The glass-house-dwelling stone throwers over at Yale’s drunken, debaucherous, dastardly, and delightful tabloid, Rumpus, today released a scathing IvyGate expose, gracing the last two pages of its final issue of the year.

After hard-hitting investigative journalism like “American Negro Gets Bored,” “Senior Hook Up Bingo,” Modern Love criticism, pornography, hipster-hating, lies, and half-naked pictures of its sultry, YD”P.N.”-loving Editor, how could we ask for more! Reaching our fill of typos, libel, ressentiment, social-masturbation, and “cock goblins,” we turn the page, feeling imperceptibly dirty… only to encounter this hysterical feature: “Remedial Media Awards: Yale’s Top Five Publications or, A Tribute to Alex Klein.”

The facts: Our beloved Bullblog is savaged for its hipster dilletantism, inflated sense of social importance, and journalistic frivolity, while the Yale Daily “News” receives genuine compliments and amorous overtures from the article’s “anonymous” author. And yes, there’s IvyGate, in first place! We didn’t even prepare a speech! From a publication that prints at least four times a year and that everyone reads, it’s truly an honor.

Wait a second… why is ex-editor and superstar Adam Clark Estes being lampooned for pouring too much effort into a “terrible, irrelevant blog.” (Maybe our 1,376,977 yearly readers — most of which hate us — should get in a fight with their 5,000 — most of which hate them. Then again, their middling few are supes cool Yaliens, so it would be close.)

The final page of Rumpus’ last issue of the year? Eat your heart out Pulitzer! We certainly can’t condemn our genealogical brethren at Rumpus for disorganization. There’s the five part list of “reasons why Alex Klein is brilliant.” Aw… you shouldn’t have. Oh wait, they’re insults:

  • Dan and I update often and have expanded IvyGate’s readership (to ~7,000 unique visitors a day). Ouch(?)
  • Supposedly, IvyGate posted the Yale secret society taps under *gasp* a pseudonym (um, the byline of our *gasp* co-editor-in-chief). Harsh, legitimate criticism, especially from the notable, obviously real author bylined in the feature: “Erectopus Superbus.”
  • We totally released “wrong” Secret Society lists and noted that they had not been released yet. You caught us! A wopping one Skull and Bones difference, two Wolf’s Head differences, and zero Scroll and Key differences. So, that’s 3 out of 46… calculating… calculating… a 93.5% correspondence with the Pundits’ list.
  • Hey, while we’re on the math front… Wasn’t Rumpus “50 Most Beautiful” list 21.6% whiter than Yale in general? Apparently, we were huge jerks to jokingly point that out and get picked up by “a shitty feminist blog”: Jezebel. According to “Erectopus,” 21.6% is “statistically insignificant,” while our aforementioned 6.5% divergence constitutes being totally “wrong.”
  • We posted about our alumni. How douchey and braggy, totally unlike the only pseudo-maintained section of  Rumpus‘ webpage:

Although Rumpus may think the focus of their award-feature is IvyGate and its co-editor, really, the star attraction is the tabloid itself. In fifth place, with trademark self-deprecation, the Rumpus self-honors. At least they did it for the lolz.

And so did we. Rumpus and IvyGate are practically twins separated at birth. We also make typos, self-promote, slip into snark, and fuck up. After all, we’re just uppity (yes, uppity), hormone-addled muck-rakers, spreading stories of Ivy League ridiculousness in between papers, parties and trysts. So are Rumpus, and here’s their Editor-in-Chief, who just emailed us to apologize:

we do this sort of thing in remedial almost every issue (our first remedial of the year was 2 pages of why we hate Tom Kaplan, we don’t actually hate him, he didn’t mind at all). We’ll also be the first to admit that we have no credibility criticizing publications when we’re clearly the worst run organization on campus and haven’t so much as written a real article all year.

But, despite all our foibles, making unsubstantiated ad-hominem attacks behind the veil of a pseudonym… well, we’d rather post about stuff like that than do it ourselves. So we are.

All that aside, our evil twin Yale tabloiders, we stand by what we said in that personal, complimentary email we wrote you – which you mockingly reprinted, without our permission: we love you. We’re proud of our dubious award; thanks for the publicity.

<3, IvyGate

Full Rumpus’ “Remedial Media Awards” feature after the jump, plus pics:

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Pundits Send Out Secret Society Rosters to All of Yale

In a cleverly disguised email from a faux-Admissions Office account, Yale’s pro-pranksters just made good on their annual tradition of society-curtain-drawing. Interestingly, this year they’ve only gotten their hands on Skull and Bones, Wolf’s Head, and Scroll and Key. We had your backs on this a week or so ago, but the Pundits definitely did it with more style (and also, maybe better information; a handful of names are different than our reports.) For what it’s worth, here’s their take:

Yale Students,

We here at the Admissions Office want to thank you all for helping us throw a fantastic Bulldog days –

our most successful yet! After getting a great look at all we have to offer here, our pre-freshmen and

freshwomen are “choosing Yale!” Accepted students have begun to declare their matriculation, and

we’re blowing Harvard and Princeton out of the water!

Here are the rankings:

Wolf’s Head (matriculation rate 67%):
Rui Bao
Kate Berman
Logan Greer
Rhiana Gunn-Wright
Michael Jones
Gabrielle Karol
Andrew Kolmar
Tina Kraja
Ellis Ludwig-Leone
Chris Magoon
Thomas Meyer
Caroline Nash
Kwaku Osei
Allie Ossa
Max Walden
Victor Wong
Scroll & Key (60%):
Katie Bolling
Michael Boyce
Silia DeFilippis
Jackie Delligatti
Stephen Feigenbaum
Cory Finley
Elisa Gonzalez
Andrew Gu
Jill Hagey
Abraar Karan
Ka Mo Lau
Grace Needlman
Zach Rotholz
Emma Sokoloff-Rubin
Ben Stango

Skull & Bones (63%):
Mallory Baysek
Kevin Beckford
Timeica Bethel
Lily Blair
David Broockman
Lusdymer Pichardo
Nicole De Paz
Jonathan Eng
Kate Grace
Kunal Lunawat
Paul Needham
Jesse Reising
Kaiyuan Wang
Seth Weintraub
Matthew Zuckerman

Yale Presidential Race Gets Dirty: Gordon Campaign Levies Insults, Threats, Sketchy Endorsements; Campaign Manager Fired

We thought we would put our Yale College Council coverage to bed… even despite the 2-vote neck-and-neck result, today’s 12-hour runoff, and the mad duo, Jeff Gordon ’12 and CoCo Pannell ’11, at each other’s throats– still, very Yale specific. But in the last 48 hours, the race has turned shockingly vicious, with Campaign Managers going wild, rude Facebook ploys, abusive panlist emails, and endorsement shenanigans. Here’s the rough timeline:

  • Yesterday morning  – Jeff Gordon sends an email to all of the newly elected Board members, instructing them to refrain from endorsing anyone in the runoff. He tells them, somewhat hypocritically:

You’re going to be working with one of us next year. Also…it’s going to be me, considering that Pete [the close third place finisher] is endorsing me.

After a flurry of criticism, Gordon explains that he was “just joking around.”

  • Yesterday morning, hours later  – Third-place candidate Pete Croughan ’12 endorses Jeff Gordon, changing his profile picture to this:                                                                                   
  • Yesterday morning  – Jeff Gordon’s campaign manager, Charlie Jaeger, taunts CoCo by tagging her in Pete’s endorsement picture on Facebook. In an email to her supporters, Pannell calls the move “a low blow.”
  • Moments later  – Current Yale College Council President, Jon Wu, replies to the email, suggesting that CoCo may report the tag as fraudulent and unfair campaign activity, in accordance with this section of the YCC’s bylaws:

iv. Any publicity that is deemed fraudulent, or if it is deemed primarily to intimidate or derogate another candidate is not permitted

  • Yesterday afternoon  – All newly elected board members but one endorse CoCo, ignoring Gordon’s email.
  • Today, morning – Both candidates’ Op-Eds appear in the Yale Daily News; Gordon’s takes a particularly negative tone. Commenters accuse him of turning the campaign into a petty race.
  • Today, early afternoon  – Gordon’s campaign manager Charlie Jaeger sends a condescending, insult-laden smear email out to Gordon surrogates and strangers, denigrating CoCo. Some excerpts:

Courtney has no idea what she’s talking about (think: Sarah Palin meets Miss South Carolina).

I’d absolutely hate to have Coco be the new face of Yale…I’m not sure why she’s running

  • Moments later – an anonymous responder replies all:

Hi Charlie,

I don’t really know how you are, but this is an incredibly insulting,
inappropriate, and down-right fallacious email to send people you don’t know
(like me). I don’t know either candidate either, but this is actually one of
the douchiest things I have ever seen spammed to me. And you’re making Jeff
look bad by association. Way to go.

  • This afternoon – Gordon fires Charlie Jaeger, issues statement condemning negative campaigning.
  • Just minutes ago  –  Pete Croughan withdraws his endorsement, stating:

“I’m frustrated that the last two days have not been spent talking about the important issues that motivated me to run but rather who’s endorsing who and political maneuvering.”

With just hours of voting left in the runoff, it remains to be seen whether these ugly shenanigans will sway votes either way, in particular, towards our own pick, CoCo Pannell. Inboxes around campus are filling with reports of the above and disgust with Jaeger’s panlist email. The carnival continues, dirtier than we would ever have expected…

After the jump, full email:

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BREAKING: Yale College Council Prez Race Comes Down to TWO VOTES, Campaign Continues

We hoped and prayed that Yale’s College Council absurdity wouldn’t end too soon; big personalities, relentless email spam, endorsement-fodder, and ridiculous postering threats galore. Well, be careful what you wish for. CoCo Pannell (our pick) just edged out Jeff Gordon (of baby-fame) by .06% of the electorate: TWO VOTES. That means (oh god) that there’s going to have to be a runoff election, from 9am-9pm on Thursday… The campaign continues! Sharpen your swords and Facebook events ladies and gentleman: this could get ugly.

We’re personally invested: not only are we definitively with CoCo, all of our other endorsed candidates lost. Here’s hoping that’s not a causal connection…

See full YCC election results after the jump:

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Normally, College Council elections are a painfully dry, pretentious affair–and in the Ivy League, an especially uppity one. Thankfully, this year has been markedly different. Ruthless ambition, big personality, and YouTube debacles have comingled to produce a circus of epic and hilarious proportions. Penn’s 2013 Class Election gave us elbow-throwing politicking, unflattering nicknames, dirty endorsements and a boat-load of lies. Now, as we write, the BMOC’s behind leaky Spring Flings, Movements for Beauty and Justice, and the Yale Daily News are waging war for the Eli vote. We have a Southern Belle, a Cajun Fratboy, and an afro-convert. The campus has been abuzz with the Yale College Council race for a week now, and until 9 tonight, the voting’s on.

The YDN just did its real, pseudo-serious endorsements (since all the candidates have identical platforms, we’re not sure how). Problem is, we think this whole exercise is sort of a sad joke, and the YCC, no more than a glorified events-planning body with less real power than the Math Team. That said, this could be the most hilarious/ridiculous Yale College Council on record; the only one we would want to party with/romance.

So, without further ado, head past the jump for IvyGate’s picks: these are, definitively, the funniest, most buzz-worthy (and maybe even best) candidates for the Yale College Council–the undisputed winners of this absurd carnival of popularity.

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PICS: Yale Secret Society Pre-Tap Night

As we write, the Yale ghosts and ghoulies are coming out to play, caped and masked, in a desperate attempt to lock down their taps in the Junior Class. By the end of tonight’s pre-tap, each society’s roster will, ideally, be set; a week or so from now, during Tap Night itself, the select few will ascend to their chosen society’s ranks. We’re not going to reprint names or selections, but to whet your appetites, here’s a couple of our own grainy pictures as well as a few courtesy of the beloved Bullblog:

More pics (and Punditry) after the jump:

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UPDATE: Yale Makeout Prank Pics! R U DTMO?

Last night, famed Yale prankmasters, the Pundits, invaded a Yale Political Union debate on “Rejecting Hookup Culture” to express their views. They vigorously made out with one another in the lecture hall, for several minutes. The event was BYOMP (Bring Your Own Makeout Partner), and the horny horde was decidedly DTMO (Down To Make Out). We promised you pics; with the help of Cross Campus, we’re coming through in a pinch. After the jump, feast your eyes.

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BREAKING: Pranksters Disrupt Yale Debate with Steamy Makeout Sesh

The super cool kidz at the Yale Political Union were rudely and ironically interrupted this evening, mid-debate. Their resolution? “Resolved: Reject Hookup Culture.” Yale prank crusaders, the Pundits–along with some willing volunteers–were decidedly in the negative: they stood up in the middle of the pretentious discourse and proceeded to make out with another… for several minutes. The YPU suits were shocked and awed. Sex Week just keeps on giving. Pictures hopefully forthcoming.

God Hates Yale: Street-fighting evangelist terrorizes/amuses Elis

image001“Turn or burn,” you sodomizing, Obama-worshipping, drug-addled Yale students!

So warns Jesse Morrell, the 25-year old mini-preacher who has descended on the fair streets of New Haven, spitting fire and brimstone, and railing against good old-fashioned Ivy League debauchery. For the past few days, Yale—famed for its freshman-girl objectification skillz, abortion art projects, naked parties, and special fondness for gay sex—has played a sassy host to the madman, decked out in a sandwich board and asking passersby to friend him on Facebook.

Asked if he has a day job, Morrell responds:

Jesus sends me money through PayPal.

Regarding his sexuality:

I love a man whose blood isn’t HIV-positive: Jesus!

Regarding Yale’s classy young ladies:

Why would you open a brothel in New Haven when the sorority girls are giving it away for free?!

Can you believe this guy’s a virgin?? Also, FYI, he claims to have forgone masturbation since his rebirth into Christianity. That explains a lot. Video, pics and homoeroticism after the jump.

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published under the wrong name. The snarky prose is actually that of Alex Klein, a new contributor, not Adam Clark Estes, a handsome fellow.

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