Penn Sophomore Shows Off Ridiculous/Gaudy Estate on Teen Cribs

Tucker, Penn ’12, is better than you. His pool house has two floors; he has a 19th-century country-house in the middle of DC; he has great polo shirts; and he also has the audacity to show it all off on MTV’s Teen Cribs. Now, despite the ‘let-them-eat-cake’ unintentional elitism–and the surprising tackiness of the house itself–the Johns family seems nice… almost, too nice. One brother describes his parents as “the-bomb-dot-com”; Tucker himself says he spends most of his free-time chilling with his “awesome family.” (The parents are, of course, venture capitalists.)

Through some stilted line-deliveries and awkward tracking shots, we learn that Tucker is

20 years old, and a big fan of anything to do with pop culture.

The attire is preppy par excellence (note the many St. Albans sweaters), and the family is actually sort of adorable, if monarchical:

We have this big island in the middle of the kitchen, so when my Mom’s cooking you’ll find us around it, talking and laughing.

Cut to San Pellegrino and Evian in the transparent fridge (plus super-cool MTV transition music).

Our favorite quote is Tucker’s, wandering the outside grounds:

It’s kind of unusual to have a trampoline in this area. Not a lot of people have big yards.

Cue sister Gussie, riding up on a Vespa (Tucker: “Oh look, there’s Gussie!”), before giving us a tour of their family’s private lacrosse field. This proves a mere lead-in to the family’s luxury two-story pool-house (a hell of a lot bigger than my apartment) where “it kind of feels like you’re not in the city anymore.”

Well, they finally figured out how to make the cold materialism, fetishized elitism and tacit arrogance of Cribs even more skin-crawling: just add a splash of the Ivy League.

Full video here. Skip to 14:40 for the Tucker segment.