Yale & Harvard Will Always Have DC

This week, New York Magazine did a feature on the delicious DC summer interns, one of our favorite subsets of students. Of the 10 interns profiled, half of them (from our sleuthing) are Ivy Leaguers, hailing exclusively from Yale and Harvard — though this post in the very earnest “Yale in Washington Summer 2014” group may have had something to do with that slant:

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Ivy Leaguers Not Above Being D.C. Summer Intern’d

DC_internsOne of the hot new blogs on the interblag–especially in my hometown–is Spotted: D.C. Summer Interns. Basically, every summer brings a new batch of college interns to Washington to work on and around Capitol Hill. And every summer, the interns screw up the city for D.C. residents with their arrogant behavior, clueless actions, and passion for getting smashed. The D.C. Interns blog is for the locals to strike back by chronicling the infuriating behavior of these interns, many of whom only got their menial labor positions through family connections rather than merit. Obviously, some of these interns are Ivy Leaguers.

We know that Ivy League students can utter idiotic statements. And the posted incidents (or interncidents) are quite ridiculous, such as thinking the U.S. Capitol is the White House and expecting Starbucks to make his coffee orders gratis. But as of today, only one anecdote lists the offending intern as an Ivy League student.

Last summer in an East-Coast Senate office, we had an intern from a prestigious Ivy League school, who definitely fit the bill as a “smart dumb kid.” Proving the phrase “you never know who you’re going to see, so watch your behavior,” he was spotted after work at a Nationals game. It was apparent that he had a bit too much to drink, but what happened at the game is not the point, it’s how he got home. Said intern was living in Rockville for the summer. The next morning when I told him I saw him at the game the night before, he chuckled in an embarrassed fashion and went on to explain that he took a cab home after the game…not the Metro which was still running after the game ended. Apparently his friends paid the cab driver before they left, but he went on to pay again at the end of the trip. He did not discuss or even dispute the fare, and paid the cab driver not $25 (which is still a bit much), but $135!

In his defense, the best way to get through a Nationals game is to be completely wasted.

As most of the posts relate spontaneous occurrences and overheard idiotic statements, the alma maters of the offending interns are not often stated. Fortunately for us, one Ivy Leaguer has outed himself in order to defend his lack of manners in the House cafeteria. Unfortunately for Harvard sophomore Matthew Young, his explanation does little to improve his image. 

No, actually, I understand swine flu is not transmitted through pork or pigs thanks to my Harvard education. :P

Nope, I didn’t ask for my money back.

No, the “Lade Serving at the Counter” did not apologize and did not ask “what can I do to fix this.” She asked in a very belligerent tone, “whaddya want me to do about it SIR?” 

And I replied accordingly, “I hope you don’t serve this to Members of Congress!”

It’s nice of Harvard to offer a class titled “Things That Can’t Give You Swine Flu”. If only Lena Chen had taken it.

WANTED: Thoughtless Taskmasters Seek Masochist Intern For Menial Chores, No Pay

WANTED: Thoughtless Taskmasters Seek Masochist Intern For Menial Chores, No PayJournalism interns may be the most exploited group in the American economy* — unpredictable hours, menial tasks, no pay. (But endless college credit!) It’s the biggest scam since yearbook photos. And we want in.

WANTED: An IvyGate intern. We put out feelers during (cough) an interview with the Crimson, but we want to open it up to the whole world, non-Ivies included. Are you bursting with rage beneath a sassy veneer? Want to get banned from your campus daily? How about getting punched/laid/ignored at parties? We guarantee one of the three!

Please get in touch (orphans only; no Irish) if you’re interested and we’ll tell you what’s next. Basically, we’re looking for a current undergrad to find items and update the site when we’re unavailable. Must give good blog; Movable Type and HTML nerdery a plus; borderline alcoholism encouraged. Note that we already have stringers here and there chipping in items — the point of the intern role is to be available all the time, help with site upkeep, and generally be kicked around by everyone. Either this sounds awful or great; you know who you are. Applicants enclosing resumes will be rejected unseen.

(*Aside from, um, the people who really are exploited.)