What’s written on the bathroom wall

As has been widely reported, over the past week lists of alleged sexual assailants have been written across girls’ bathrooms at Columbia University. The story was initially posted by the Columbia Lion on May 9. Yesterday morning, Bwog published the story, explaining that they had been receiving tips about it since May 7 but hesitated posting due to legal worries. Bwog was in contact with administrators and legal council about how to handle the list.

Yesterday morning, they decided to publish — but only after the story had spread around campus and been picked up by outside news outlets. As Bwog EIC Sarah Faith Thompson (full disclosure: I was EIC before her and yesterday was asked by other Bwoggers for advice on some of the matters discussed here) shot back at a questioning commenter, “[Bwog doesn’t] consider one list with blurred out names to be news. Lists going viral is news.”

However, this post was published without full approval from the board or staff of Bwog– it was written on a morning of finals week, after all. The post included one highly editorialized section:

We are incredibly disturbed that people think this is a legitimate way to deal with the issue.”

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Goodnight Finals?

It’s finals — again. Yes, and IvyGate has a little comfort for you even though you don’t deserve it. Admit it, students during finals regress to their “terrible twos.” We fall asleep at odd hours of the day; whine about every single, last thing; have incurable sugar cravings; and even at times break into inopportune sobs. You would think we were teething or something.

While toddlers have someone to soothe their insomnia with a bedtime story as they are tucked in, we’re usually left to suffer, lying in bed as we turn over, wait, and then turn over again hoping pleading that the last remnant of Red Bull would just leave our bloodstream, dammit. What to do?

Have professors read Goodnight Moon, of course.

If anyone is willing to, let’s market this to all the Ivies. PrezBo has a fireplace and comfy chair just sitting there, and I’m sure Harold Bloom can’t wait to say goodnight to both mittens and kittens. The possibilities are endless!

And if this video still didn’t do the trick, may we suggest this lovely read.

Impending Demise of Brown’s Naked Donut Run

According to our tipster and Brown’s Blog Daily Herald, NOTHING, not even the stupidest way to get frostbite rational practice of streaking, is safe this finals season.

The Blog Daily Herald reported,

We at BlogDailyHerald are hearing reports that this semester’s traditional Naked Donut Run involved a few too many clothing items. According to our intelligence, after successful (read: naked) Naked Runs at the CIT and the Rock, NDR-ers were stopped by SciLi security and told they had to put on clothes, or face punishment.

Brown is truly crushed about this. When checking Brown’s Wikipedia page on traditions for information about this treasured tradition, IvyGate found this:

At the end of each semester, towards the end of the Reading Period that precedes exams, various student groups walk naked through student libraries such as the Rock, the SciLi, and the CIT and offer donuts to students who are studying. However, at the end of the Fall 2010 semester, Brown Department of Public Safety officers threatened to arrest students involved in the Naked Donut Run on charges of public indecency, forcing the participants to remain clothed at the SciLi.

They’ve already updated the Wiki?! Wow – I guess letting prospies, since they’re the only ones who will read every single Wikipedia page for  each Ivy, know that about this new occurrence is the most important thing the world ever, aside from passing exams.

What will be the fate of this “storied Brown tradition?” Semi-clothed donut run just doesn’t have the same ring to it.  How can Brown survive without the triumvirate of nudity that the fall Naked Party and the SexPowerGod party help complete?

I admit that I don’t know how public nudity really works in Brown’s or Yale’s or Harvard’s or Dartmouth’s or any other school’s culture. I also acknowledge that Columbia students, despite the recent attention, truly aren’t that interesting and could be considered prudes. But seriously it’s WINTER – which forces you to wear more and not less clothing. I think we should all be somewhat content with simply having primal screams as the typical Ivy finals “tradition.” Ok, I admit it’s somewhat lame, but seriously hearing someone scream to the world –“I have five papers to write; I’m going to die!!!!!”— can help make you feel slightly better about your life. On another note,  you can’t beat this snowpocalypse finals phenomenon.

James Franco brings joy to the Ivy League

Finals are bleak times.

However, according to our tipster, James Franco and friends are helping us all get through it – “James Franco is having FUN all over Yale.”

If sending pictures of your classmates asleep in the library is not enough to help hone your procrastination and paparazzi skills, you can now send pictures of how you envision James Franco enjoying life to this tumblr site. Although fair warning, the video about James Franco hypothetically making out with himself makes us wonder where the line between creative fun and rampant obsession lies. When we see an Echo-and-Narcissus-inspired Francophile picture complete with lake and all, we’ll know that things have gone too far.

However, just marvel at the accuracy of these pictures. The first picture is a picture of the actual James Franco studying in Butler at Columbia, and well the one on the bottom is someone’s wet dream of seeing him study.

Our two favorite pictures are available after the jump. (We would have added more, but the tumblr site has a tendency to freeze/get slow when copying pictures…sigh, after the enthusiasm of these people, one would think that Franco cutouts would have the magical ability to fix all)

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Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful…

With a media clusterfuck, finals, and frigid temperatures, Columbia and probably the rest of the Ivy League is in great need of comfy sweaters and holiday cheer.  On Harvard Time, who is no stranger to media attention, just released a video that gives us just that,  along with a computer generated fireplace.

Thanks to all our tipsters who sent this in!

Stop Bitching and Study Already: An IvyGate Public Service Announcement

It’s that time of year again! Sleigh bells ringing, chestnuts roasting, drunk people making faux-gingerbread houses out of dried Ramen noodles and marshmallows. And of course, grouchy, grinchy college students bemoaning their final exams, and specifically the fact that they have to speed-learn fifty fun facts about Viking headgear and how to say “give me my camel back, asshole” in Coptic.

There’s always one guy who thinks his workload is important enough to make headlines, and this year, it’s Penn senior Alec Webley. Webley’s latest column in the Daily Pennsylvanian, aptly titled “Abolish Final Examinations,” explains that we should scrap final exams in favor of “continuous assessment.” And then he takes the words right out of our mouth:

Abolish finals? “Heresy!” I hear you cry. But what on earth is the point of them? If the professor assesses material learned every week in a class and incorporates cumulative questions, why subject students to a two-hour supplemental test at the end? Likewise, if professors want a 30-page research paper, surely requiring an abstract and sources by one date, a first draft by another, then a second and so on will generate better papers? They don’t even need to read the initial drafts!

Sigh. As much as we’d love the idea of skipping out on our Feudal Politics final exam, we don’t think this would really solve our unhealthy habits. We’re not sleep-deprived because we’re up all night writing papers–we’re sleep-deprived because we stay up until four in the morning watching Geico commercials on YouTube, and then we write our papers. And we’re also sleep-deprived because we’re sex-deprived–which requires a lot of sweat and alcohol, a.k.a. brain medicine, to remedy on a semi-regular basis. Maybe instead of abolishing finals, we should just abolish college students.

Or maybe we should just go read that Econometrics textbook. And fear anarchists like Alec Webley for sowing the evil seeds of procrastination in our vulnerable minds. Beware the Webley, people.

Anyway, we know everyone’s starting to freak out about exams, so consider this our Official Good Luck, Don’t Fail Out of School Or You’ll Have To Work at a Dairy Queen For the Rest of Your Life Announcement. (And don’t forget to do stupid things so we can write about them.)

RagTime: Last Installment for 2010 Edition

Finals approacheth, and the majority of the Ivy dailies have gone to bed for the semester. This marks the last installment of RagTime for 2010. Good luck with finals. Don’t freak out too hard.

  • Princeton: A victory for chick-pea-based condiments everywhere
  • Columbia: State senator plans to combat grotesque, mutant, Dali-esque subway rats by banning Diet Coke and Doritos
  • Columbia: Winter of discontent marked by smoking ban, finals, crippling weight of editorial pedantry
  • Brown: Just over half of students lie about marijuana use
  • Harvard: Runner up, best protest sign of year: “Dogs love figs”
  • Cornell: Winner, best protest sign of the year: “Don’t Fuchs with Africana”

OH RIGHT! Introducing The Worst A Cappella Group In The Ivy League

We’d like to send out our congratulations to Penn’s Chord on Blues, who — by a tally of 461 to 133 — were voted the Worst A Cappella Group in the Ivy League over the weekend, defeating the combined strengths of Cornell’s Absolute A Cappella and Dartmouth’s Cords. We love you guys and hope you continue to get worse, so that this world might once and for all eliminate a cappella in toto. Thanks for playing! Prize is in the mail… -ish.

And let’s kick up the robot band one last time with the winning video:


UPDATE: What is this!? They’ve finally taken the video DOWN? Well, until our brutal response to that comes, enjoy some other shitty videos they made after the jump.

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The Worst A Cappella Group Finals: Chord on Blues Face New Challenge

Let’s be honest: There’s no way Penn’s Chord on Blues can lose this tournament. Including them was necessary, but it also spoiled the curve, as it were. We want to make these finals interesting, however, so we’re going to… hmm… “tweak” the rules:

The Worst A Cappella Group in the Ivy League Tournament Finals

Penn’s Chord on Blues vs. **THE COMBINED BADNESS** of Cornell’s Absolute A Cappella and Dartmouth’s Cords

When: Right now through Monday at noon

Where: After the jump

It’s the only way. 

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