Ivy League Grad Ruins Irony by Actually Becoming a Whore

it's hip to be sharedRadar magazine delivers a shocking blow to elite education by including an Ivy Leaguer in gonzo-journo story “Inside the World of High-Class Hipster Hookers.” Seriously, $40K-per-year education and Sally Straight-A grows up to be a hipster?

Just kidding! The shock is that she became a whore:

After graduating from an Ivy League college in 2006, Kelly says she was thinking about going to grad school to become an English professor. She’s decided to put that aspiration on hold, though, while she rakes in the equivalent of an investment banker’s salary selling sex.

I’d make a joke, but I used them all up on a nearly identical story last March.

As it turns out, finance is something of a sister industry to the whore-o-sphere. The three main characters get into the business of vag-selling at the behest of some “sleazy banker types” they meet at a bar. Whore #1 gets sleazy banker’s business card, and before you know it she’s making $3000 a thrust! The ladies frequent “douchebag spots in the Meatpacking District” and turn themselves into an unstoppable trio of whoredom. Each girl has a special personality niche, just like in Charlie’s Angels:

These days Heather tends to book with more bankers and Wall Street types, Olivia with a lot of retired hipsters and club owners, and Kelly with men from the art world. During a typical week they each entertain at least three different clients—and sometimes as many as nine. “I don’t mind sleeping with two guys in a night,” Kelly says. “Just as long as the second client isn’t rough with me.”

Ivy League Angel has all the time management skills.

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Six Degrees of Eliot Spitzer (and a few professors)

After this post on the twisted lives of Ivy League power couples, we realized we had a situation on our hands. An L-Word “The Chart” sort of situation, revealing for the first time exactly how close Anne-Marie Slaughter is to Heidi Fleiss, connecting the dots all the way from Larry Summers to Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon, people! That means we win. ivyleaguelovechart.jpg

“See what happens when Harvard meets Harvard”

See what happens when Harvard meets HarvardHarvard alum mag 02138 is likely clocking record-breaking traffic this week, now that their profile of Harvard “power couple” Eliot Spitzer and Silda Wall (where Wall admits to never spending time with her husband, and Spitzer pretends he’s never worn makeup before) has become one long, foregone punchline. From power couple to criminally perverse politico — oh, what a difference two years can make!

Though all but one of 02138‘s “power couples” are technically still intact, Eliot and Silda are far from alone in their public humiliation. Being labeled a “power couple,” it seems, is the latest relationship kiss of death, on par with 20-something hipsters getting matching tattoos, or meeting your mate on “The Bachelor.” And if you expand the “power couple” list to include 02138‘s “power exes,” a sordid soap opera unfolds, featuring closeted football players, heroin-addled artists, even a contestant from America’s Next Top Model!

After the jump: Your guide to the Ivy League’s most doomed.

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Resume the spreading of sophomoric gossip… now!

Resume the spreading of sophomoric gossip... now!…and we’re back from spring break, a little sad to have missed the big news on Eliot Spitzer (P’81, HLS’84), if only so I could use that “Princeton in the Nation’s Cervix” headline I’ve been sitting on for months. Since Spitzer’s scandal and resignation have been very small stories, completely overlooked by the media, and we’ll thus never have cause to revisit it, here’s Eliot and Silda’s 02138 cover now. The subheadline reads “See What Happens When Harvard Meets Harvard.”

Other cute items worth noting:

Whew. Keep the tips coming, people. We’ll be here all week.