“Wheeler? I Didn’t Even Know ‘er!”: World-Class Non-Ivies Just as Gullible as World-Class Ivies

The school that everyone assumes is in the Ivy League before you casually explain to them that, in fact, it isn’t, has made news… Well, only through another tangential misassociation with the Ivy League, but still! Apparently, Stanford professors are smart enough to tell us not to worry about driving around in Japanese flaming death machines, but not to spot a flagrant fakester: that is, Adam Wheeler, whom they admitted as a transfer  for the 2010-2011 academic year.

Smooth move, especially after ‘Wheasler’ had already been expelled from Bowdoin and Harvard, the latter heavily featured on his transcript. Nor did they seem to notice the overwhelming smell of bullshit emanating from his obviously-faked resume before firing off the thick-envelope. Perhaps our parallel-universe California brethren aren’t so different after all. Although, their mascot is a god damn tree. What’s the deal with that?

But here’s the best part: Seems as if Stanford still isn’t sure whether or not to let the guy in. Speaking to the Crimson, Lisa Lapin, Stanford’s PR lady, is taking an innocent-until-proven-so-obviously-guilty attitude:

Whenever the university becomes aware of a possible misrepresentation of facts in an application for admission, Stanford will investigate. If at any point the university concludes that an applicant has misrepresented their credentials, we will revoke an offer of admission.

Maybe, just maybe, after talking his way out of those 20 felony charges, Wheeler will end up in sunny NorCal, working on his tan and being asked what the Ivy League is like. (Also, “suckling on the teat of disdain.”)

We also gather that his academic interests might have changed a bit from “Armenian critical topographies.” He also applied to Williams College’s seaport maritime studies program.