12 Things Considered Worth Trademarking in ‘Betches Like This’ Failed Attempt to Trademark the Word ‘Betch’

Yesterday we showed you the path to discover who are behind the curtain at the blog “Betches Love This.” Today, we bring you another venture for the “Head Betches” that didn’t go down as well. Apparently the ladies tried to trademark the word “betch,” and literally everything it could be applied to. Think we’re exaggerating? Check out their trademark application, with its 314 attachments.

So, in the spirit of the good people at Buzzfeed, we bring to you our favorites, the 12 items that have nothing to do with their blog, but we wish could have been betch-ified. Enjoy.

1. Headwear hats

Not just headwear, and not just hats, but Betch Headwear Hats. Nothing else compares.

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Want to Know Who Runs ‘Betches Love This’? Hint: They’re Ivy Leaguers

We received several emails yesterday from tipsters extolling the gritty realism and fine tuned critical eye of female-centric blog Betches Love This’ post on Cornell University (apparently the 1st Ivy League thing that betches love). For those of you not in the know, Betches Love This is a popular website run by an anonymous cadre of “Head Betches” who chronicle, in short, what betches do and do not love. So how did these self-proclaimed Head Betches have the knowledge and detail (see: Thumpty, fishbowl Wednesdays, Denice Cassaro, etc.) to perfectly evoke life in Ithaca, New York?

Well, they all went to Cornell.

Their alma mater wouldn’t be anything but a fun little tidbit if Betches Love This’ masterminds hadn’t gone so far out of their way to not let anyone know who they are. As it very clearly states on their website:

“We intend to keep our identity a secret indefinitely. But honestly, being Head Betch is kind of like…being Louis XIV. Your awesomeness and grandeur was bestowed upon you by all the powerful forces in the universe, so you’re like, kind of immortal.”

Even in interviews, they have sidestepped questions about their identity, but seem to have no problem promoting their upcoming book, their dream of appearing on Chelsea Lately, or, in their words, “world domination.”

Of course, as you all know, we are not mean people here at IvyGate. We don’t just go around busting anonymity for kicks. And we won’t publish the names of the Cornell graduates who own and run Betches Love This.

However, we similarly wouldn’t deprive you of the ability to discover who these Head Betches are for yourself, which you can do here. Or here. Or here. It may not be right, but it’s your right.

Crazed Ivy League Wannabes Publish Terrifying Blog About Harvard

Duck and cover, folks: early decision letters are dropping like bombs this week over the homes of high schoolers. Or at least, they are for the Ivy League schools that haven’t abolished ED in the name of making their applicants salivate especially hard fairness. Penn, which released its decisions last Friday, is already reporting a drop in admit rates from 31 to 26 percent. High school students must be getting desperate.

But no one’s as desperate as the two girls responsible for the blog Harvard, Please. We’ll leave their names out of it, but they’re as rabid about getting into Harvard as most teenage girls are about Justin Bieber’s hair. They’ve also discovered Tumblr, which honestly seems to exist solely to channel the manic panics of hormonal teenyboppers. The upshot is a cultlike stream of love letters, Dear Santas, and Mariah Carey reduxes–all of them glorifying the Harvard Quidditch team and the shoe of the John Harvard statue that everybody pees on.

There are really no words to describe it, but we’ll do our best. A few frightening details after the jump.

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Cornell Slope Day Bingo: Where the Center Square is “Paying $25 to Never Stop Drinking”

Cornell Slope Day is a-comin’! Are your 40s and your barf bags ready? A Cornell student blog gives us the heads-up on precisely what to expect, in handy bingo form!: “Tik Tok” played constantly, “awkward encounters” (oh, gee, I hardly think this is specific to Slope Day — can the era of using “awkward encounters” to signify “college events” pass, already?), “some guy named ‘Trent’ or ‘Chip.'” As that last one signifies, this mainly seems like it could have been written by someone outside Cornell — are the stereotypes we believe about Cornell believed even by Cornell students? Could they even be true?

Then again, some of these are so impenetrable that we find ourselves wishing we could go to Slope Day, just to figure out this bingo-themed charticle on a blog. “You hear someone yell ‘I hate these fucking caterpillars!'” Huh? Ithaca has caterpillars? Maybe we’re just as happy not to!

Ivy Parties Win Bloggers’ Hearts

Here’s a nice, end-of-semester tidbit. With the help of many IvyGate links and pics, the crack investigators over at Guest of a Guest have done a thorough rundown of the Ivy League’s Spring booze-fests, from Lawn and Slope to Fling and Chewbacchanal(?). The results are compelling. The article lavishes praise upon our Ivy shindigs (though Harvard and Columbia are noticeably absent) before criticizing NYU’s painful-sounding “Strawberry Festival.” Its full of witty commentary and worth a read.

Highlights of the weekend included a Mr. And Ms. Brown competition, and, according to the Brown Daily Herald, “popcorn, cookies, and other food refreshments in the Blue Room”. Man, those Brown students can party!

Oh Ms. Atik, you know just how to amuse us sardonic, self-hating Ivy Leaguers. Then again, you did get tricked by our MGMT-April-Fools post…

99 Columbians: An Artsy Facebook of the Elite and Photogenic

Lots of curious looking people with unusual stories: they must be Columbia students. They’re captivating, posed in their dorm rooms with whatever they’ve got around—a bassoon, a rat, a teenage mutant ninja turtle action figure. Two enterprising student photographers, Angela Radulescu and Bennet Hong, knocked on their doors and shot them—99 times.

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Web Site Review: The Onion Comes to Hanover

Dartmouth’s campus is no stranger to controversial attempts at humor.  The Dunyun attempts to bring witty commentary to The Big Green’s tiny, oh-so-important corner of New England, laced with criticisms of some of Dartmouth’s most cherished traditions, such as drinking shitty beer andinteracting with wild-life.  Most of the site’s humor stems from its accurate parody of the social norms surrounding the Greek scene, and at times it paints uncomfortably accurate pictures of student life.  In poking fun at its own North Face-clad audience, however, The Dunyun occasionally toes the line between relevant (after-all, who hasn’t hooked up in the stacks?) and borderline offensive (I believe Haiti jokes are the realm of Rush and Cornell’s own Ann Coulter).  In fact, according to tipsters, some students have already expressed concern and notified the administration of their moral indignation at the flippant coverage of recent charitable efforts at the school.  Given the school’s recent string of mea culpas on behalf of its squash-match-ruining students, it will be interesting to see how much longer they will be able to keep up the good fight without apologizing for it.

Harvard Girls Think College Chicks Still Read Seventeen

hercampusThe girls who brought us the Harvard douchebag contest have extended their reach beyond Cambridge. Yesterday, Windsor Hanger ’10, Stephanie Kaplan ’10, and Annie Wang ’11 of Harvard’s Freeze College Magazine launched their new “collegiette’s guide” called Her Campus, setting a new precedent for useless Ivy League publications (which, to be fair, could explain about 90% of all Harvard media enterprises).

After contacting co-founder and CEO Kaplan about what these three Prada Devil wannabes hope to accomplish with their new cyber digs, she responded with a lengthy mission statement:

From: stephanie@hercampus.com
To: qichen@ivygateblog.com
Subject: Re: IvyGate’s inquiry about Her Campus
Date: Wed, Sep 16, 2009 at 4:20 PM

HerCampus.com is an online magazine for college women that seeks to pave the way for the media industry to successfully make the transition online.  Her Campus will transition magazines to today’s digital world by individualizing its content college by college by setting up “My Campus” branches, beginning at Harvard and eventually expanding to 1000+ colleges and universities nationwide.  By supplementing national with local content, Her Campus represents the future of online media.

Uh, was there ever a time when the internet wasn’t national? Not only that, but the pearl-donning triumvirate of the Ivy League’s new Seventeen seems to think they’re the first ones to come up with the idea of female-oriented college media. Read more after the jump.

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Ivy Leaguers Not Above Being D.C. Summer Intern’d

DC_internsOne of the hot new blogs on the interblag–especially in my hometown–is Spotted: D.C. Summer Interns. Basically, every summer brings a new batch of college interns to Washington to work on and around Capitol Hill. And every summer, the interns screw up the city for D.C. residents with their arrogant behavior, clueless actions, and passion for getting smashed. The D.C. Interns blog is for the locals to strike back by chronicling the infuriating behavior of these interns, many of whom only got their menial labor positions through family connections rather than merit. Obviously, some of these interns are Ivy Leaguers.

We know that Ivy League students can utter idiotic statements. And the posted incidents (or interncidents) are quite ridiculous, such as thinking the U.S. Capitol is the White House and expecting Starbucks to make his coffee orders gratis. But as of today, only one anecdote lists the offending intern as an Ivy League student.

Last summer in an East-Coast Senate office, we had an intern from a prestigious Ivy League school, who definitely fit the bill as a “smart dumb kid.” Proving the phrase “you never know who you’re going to see, so watch your behavior,” he was spotted after work at a Nationals game. It was apparent that he had a bit too much to drink, but what happened at the game is not the point, it’s how he got home. Said intern was living in Rockville for the summer. The next morning when I told him I saw him at the game the night before, he chuckled in an embarrassed fashion and went on to explain that he took a cab home after the game…not the Metro which was still running after the game ended. Apparently his friends paid the cab driver before they left, but he went on to pay again at the end of the trip. He did not discuss or even dispute the fare, and paid the cab driver not $25 (which is still a bit much), but $135!

In his defense, the best way to get through a Nationals game is to be completely wasted.

As most of the posts relate spontaneous occurrences and overheard idiotic statements, the alma maters of the offending interns are not often stated. Fortunately for us, one Ivy Leaguer has outed himself in order to defend his lack of manners in the House cafeteria. Unfortunately for Harvard sophomore Matthew Young, his explanation does little to improve his image. 

No, actually, I understand swine flu is not transmitted through pork or pigs thanks to my Harvard education. :P

Nope, I didn’t ask for my money back.

No, the “Lade Serving at the Counter” did not apologize and did not ask “what can I do to fix this.” She asked in a very belligerent tone, “whaddya want me to do about it SIR?” 

And I replied accordingly, “I hope you don’t serve this to Members of Congress!”

It’s nice of Harvard to offer a class titled “Things That Can’t Give You Swine Flu”. If only Lena Chen had taken it.

Time to Apply to Grad School

So you’re a few hundred grand in debt and fresh-faced in the big city — or, if you’re a Columbia grad, just happy to get out of Morningside Heights — with a B.A. in Comp Lit and, I don’t know, hopes and dreams. Even if your semesters reading Baudrillard don’t have any practical application, you figure that your degree must at least carry some weight, right? Right?

Erroneous, my friends.

Doree Shafrir’s Observer article, “Ivy League Slaves of New York,”
is pretty self-explanatory by its subtitle: “America’s best and brightest are unpacking their gilded diplomas and getting to work as assistants in New York’s media dens, pinching themselves at their good fortune. Suckers!”

It appears that many graduates are coming to New York with visions of a swift ascent in a shiny media universe, but are quickly shot down. In fact, a certain brand of diploma might actually work against you:

Ms. Marcus explained that her former place of employment had a policy about not hiring anyone who had gone to an Ivy League school, because ‘they didn’t want people whom they could perceive as a threat.’ (The evidence bears this out somewhat: Ivy League grads do seem partial to cashing in via book deals; Lauren Weisberger, the author of The Devil Wears Prada, graduated from Cornell, and [Bridie] Clark is a Harvard alumna…)”

Well, if your Ivy League credentials are holding you back, you know our favorite fallback option: nepotism! Kidding(ish). Read the rest of this entry »