Eager Dartmouth ’15 Starts Blog; Hilarity Ensues

Meet Charles. He’s really excited to go to Dartmouth – so excited, in fact, that he’s decided to create his own blog, Surviving Ivy: The Chronicles of a Dartmouth ’15. Charlie has used his newly-minted blog to tackle the important issues facing this year’s incoming class, such as “Is it important to have pre-frosh Facebook friends?” (No, not really) and “Should I drink in college?” (Yes, a lot). Charlie also is willing to help out the younger folk; he’s written a comprehensive, five-part guide on how to get into Dartmouth, and has posted every college he’s been accepted to, waitlisted and rejected from so he can walk his readers through his decision process. Here’s what ultimately led to Charlie’s decision to take his talents to New Hampshire:

I never really had any intention of going to Weslyen, BC or Northeastern, so those schools were out right away. That left Cornell, Dartmouth and WashU in St. Louis, but I had no intention of killing myself halfway through college so Cornell was out of the picture too. Their ILR program was the only thing I was interested in, but after further consultation with a few of my friends already at Cornell, I decided against it with certainty. (Apparently there’s a lot of reading involved in that program, but come on, who wants to read in college? …right?)

… … …

At the end of the day however, WashU isn’t Dartmouth, end of the story. Call me a snob, but I believe Dartmouth’s Ivy status still makes it a more universally recognizable institution. Both are highly regarded institutions within the U.S. that offer great education, but when I am in Korea for the summer trying to find a job, most people will hear “Ivy League” and go, “Oooooh, shiny,” while many will simultaneously go “What’s WashU?”


Charlie then did what any proud blogger would do and promoted his blog on the Dartmouth College Class of 2015 Facebook page. Another student saw it, was amused, and decided to post the link on the anonymous forum, Bored At Baker, which is apparently Dartmouth’s own little version of CollegeACB. (Oh, CollegeACB … please come back to me. I have missed you dearly.)

The responses rushed in and, well … let’s just say they weren’t pretty:

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The Blog Days of Summer: Introducing your June Guest Editors

Ladies and gents: Mix the mojitos, break out the tanning oil, and commandeer your Daddy’s schooner. IvyGate Summer Session is finally upon us. Even as we flee our beloved campuses for sunnier shores, the news and gossip train chugs on. The days are getting longer and the nights shorter, but equally debauchery-filled. Even while saving whales in Antigua, starving children in Senegal, and derivatives on Wall Street, Ivy Leaguers still find the time to act ridiculously. Ivy absurdity doesn’t take a vacation, and neither do we. So as you slave away at your unpaid internship, rack up mandatory Science credits, get wasted at your BS “language study” abroad, enjoy a free “cultural” beach vacay on your school’s travel grants, and suck up to your parents for spending money, you can still count on IvyGate for perennial distraction/chuckles.

But of course, fresh air calls for fresh blood, and so, in the time-honored guest editor tradition, IvyGate’s shaking up its editorial leadership for the summer, giving some new folks a chance to test their muckraking mettle. Your irresponsible EICs, Alex Klein and Dan D’Addario, are taking a break–hopefully to produce stories of wrongdoing of their own for others to write about. Freed from the day-to-day slog of the site’s trenches, we’ll be providing guidance and checking out applications for July’s guest editor positions (if you’ve emailed us already: don’t worry, we’re compiling the list and getting back to you all with application info ASAP).

Stepping into the breach for the month of June are two phenomenally talented writers and editors, both IvyGate contributors, who we think will rock your Argyle socks. They’ll be taking the good and leaving the bad with a very short learning curve, pushing out 5-10 posts a week and fielding your tips, love-songs, and hate-rants.

So give a warm welcome to your June guest editors, the dastardly duo of Miranda Lewis — also Editor-in-Chief of Yale’s Bullblog — and Gabe DeLeon — actor, humorist, man-about-town. Look forward to their introductory post tomorrow, and to phenomenal stuff from these time-tested satirists and blogstars in the weeks to come.

We Leave You This Memorial Day Wisdom With the Sad Wisdom That Some Schools Get Lisa Kudrow to Speak at Graduation

Check out Jezebel’s mash-up of college graduation speeches, which makes a single unitary piece of rhetoric out of Michelle Obama, Glenn Beck (who sobs while talking about the Bible), and The Comeback legend Lisa Kudrow. It’s a nice reminder that literally nothing a speaker can say, from grasps at contemporary resonance to “wisdom” and advice will surprise his or her audience, ever!