The real reasons Harvard kids don’t date

This week at #AspenIdeas, former Harvard hall co-master (and current Yale Child Study Center lecturer) Erika Christakis talked about how Harvard students aren’t dating. A bunch of non-college students on the panel then set about debating why college students aren’t conforming to their standards and telling us how, once again, us dumb millennials are doing something wrong.

Tired of letting old people speak for us, IvyGate came up with a list of the real reasons Harvard students aren’t dating in the “traditional” sense:

  • There’s no grade inflation in first impressions.
  • Chances of ending up in someone’s tell-all memoirs a few years down the road are too high.
  • You assholes keep telling us millennials aren’t serious enough so we’re focusing on serious things like class and shit instead of dates.
  • Still waiting on line at a final club.
  • That emo phase in middle school really drained us.
  • Storing up on care-free sex while the school still pays for birth control.
  • Only understand “romantic” in literary terms.
  • The Cambridge Panera is always too crowded for dates.
  • Can’t figure out if “having it all” means having a husband or having lots of casual sex.
  • Rebelling against helicopter moms.
  • The Winklevoss twins do not look like Armie Hammer in real life.

But the real reason Harvard kids aren’t going on dates? They’re too used to thinking once you get in you don’t have to expend any more effort.