At least, not here at Columbia, you don’t.
You’ve criticized everything from our dangerous liberalism to our purported “heckling” of a student-veteran during ROTC hearings (which you reported on twice and switched around the wording the second time to…keep us on our toes?). You never fail to amaze us with your insight, and we’re so glad you like us as much as we like you. And we’re especially glad that you finally decided to get down and dirty with us, because it’s been a while since that little S&M story.
And by that we mean, it’s really flattering that you think we’re cool enough to be having sex.
It all began with this video, and this video for some reason or another began with a discussion of out-of-state voting for college students. Next came the transition into you-know-what, which was as appropriately awkward as the thought of intercourse between two Columbia students: “Besides voting,” said the anchor, “something else college students do on campus: They hook up.”