Bastion of Elitism Confronts Citadel of Homophobia
In which the Future of the Military Hazes the Shit Out of the Future of Wall Street

This past Saturday the Princeton football team + marching band traveled to Charleston for a game with the Citadel, the military college of South Carolina most famous for the institutionalized sadism of its hazing process.

Things took a terrifying turn for the surreal, however, when the Princeton University Band (PUB), which apparently had not been instructed that certain parts of the Citadel campus were considered sacred ground, unwittingly traipsed down the Avenue of Remembrance, setting off a round of physical attacks as well as vicious homophobic taunting.

The Prince has the story (with, like, 500 comments): parts of it simply have to be read to be believed. One cadet yelled at students, “‘Cut your hair, long-haired faggots’ and ‘You go have fun in college, I’ll go fight the war,” while another shattered a bandmember’s clarinet. Mayor Daley’s thugs Citadel cadets proceeded to spit on the Yippies scramble-bandies, shove them against trees, and generally conduct themselves like typical Southern gentlemen.

Some, however, fault the Princeton University Band for its provocative antics in the Citadel’s conservative atmosphere. Reports abound of band-members “humping” each other as part of their half-time performance. (Them’s fightin’ pantomime!) Pig-headed belligerent Ken Burger opines for the Charleston Post and Courierier that the “the entire Corps of Cadets should be given a medal for standing up for their school.” And Underside points out that the most prominent members of the Band, some of whom were directly involved in the weekend’s altercation, have a history of eye-catching agitprop and radical affiliation.

Yet others explain the conflict as a clash of cultures. Read the rest of this entry »

Blog Man on Campus: The Underside of Paradise

There are few things more consistently irritating than Princeton’s F. Scott Fitzgerald-fetish. If I have to read one more headline coyly heavy-handedly alluding to This Side of Paradise, I am going to crack up.

That said, a new blog at Princeton, The Underside of Paradise, is quickly becoming one of our favorites. Mordant, clear-headed, and above all, earnest, the author of Underside — known only by his (or her?) electronic sobriquet “Amory” — provides a much-needed voice of dissent from the humorless orange-and-black triumphalism of The Prince.

Here Amory comments on liberal icon Wendy Kopp’s history at the Tory (she was on the masthead for three issues in the mid-’80s), here he unearths a cartoon from the Tiger so old it is actually funny, and here he posts about Whit Stillman’s film Metropolitan, now available at (“This movie could be boring unless you’re self-conscious, status-obsessed, or an aesthetic reactionary. In short, if you go to Princeton.”)

“The Anti-Sex Blogger,” a guest feature on the blog authored by an Anscomber, is sheer genius and a window into the bizarre, anti-life pathology which is overtaking Princeton (or parts of it).

Finally, in one of his best posts, Amory proposes “firm” as a piece of lingo emblematic of Princeton:

Firmness sums up all the material promises of a Princeton education: one’s pick of tight, thin coed bodies on campus and plum jobs upon graduation. Firmness is a way of life, a rule to be followed. According to a quick search, the Princeton website has about 40 pages that contain the exhortatory phrase “Be firm.” So next time you want to express approval, forget “sexy”, forget “exclusive”, forget, “frat.” When something is good say, Damn, that is firm.

(Hey, is your friend’s blog really “rad”? Wouldn’t it be just amazing if we did a Blog Man on Campus about it? Well, guess what: only you can make that happen! Please tell us about interesting, provocative, or entertaining blogs across the Ivy League.)

Ragtime, September 9, 2008: Will Somebody Please Do Something Somewhere?

A Streetcar Named Unprecedented Intoxication

As today’s Ragtime notes, last summer in Rhode Island a man named Stanley Kubierowski was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. What does this have to do with the Ivy League? Well, the man happened to be Brown President Ruth Simmons’ “former part-time house chef.”

But that’s not important in the least. What’s important is Kubierowski’s BAC at the time of arrest, as confirmed by multiple tests administered by those trained in such things: .49. Let me repeat that number, this time in italics, spelled out for dramatic effect, with ellipses all over the place, and capped by an exclamation point: his BAC was point…four….nine…!

This is simply unbelievable. Forget charging Kubierowski with any sort of crime. Give that man a medal for his Rasputin-like tolerance. According to some chart I found on Wikipedia, the only consequences listed for having a BAC over .4 are “Unconsciousness” and “Death.”

Of course, we shouldn’t get too caught up in the boozy-boosterism side of the story. There’s definitely a potentially tragic aspect here: God only knows what might have happened if Kubierowski had attempted to make Ruth Simmons a Caesar salad in that condition. Salmonella? You bet.

Guest Editing Now Starting 6/23

Guest Editing Now Starting 6/23Yeah, we decided to start a week late (on June 23), so deal with it, you little well-compensated, Financial District slaves. Look at porn instead. Watch Gore Vidal decompose in real time.

If you find yourself suffering during this lonely, IvyGate-less week, you could “reminisce” about the “highlights” of last year’s summer guest editors. Or even better, share any tips or ideas for posts you have with the incoming slate of guest editors. Send them here.

(Seriously, send them tips. I don’t want to read a million posts about Lena Chen this summer.)

UPDATE: Interested in taking a look at the new site design and giving feedback? Email us and we’ll give you the sneak-peek URL.

UPDATE 2: Ruh roh! Management’s mercurial hysterics have caused some coding delays. Twenty-four more hours! Promise!

Liveblogging Newman’s Day: Barf Before Breakfast and Von Trapp Frats

Liveblogging Newman's Day: Barf Before Breakfast and Von Trapp FratsNewmans Day is a booze-based holiday at Princeton inspired by famous words almost certainly never spoken by Paul Newman, “24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not.” This year, we commissioned Will and Mike, two Princeton participants, to liveblog their beer-soaked adventures. Live-streaming updates after the jump.

7:00AM: Baseball Bats and the Finer Points of Vomiting in Public Places

Will: I woke up to the dulcet tones of a baseball bat striking my front door.  The engineer living down the hall was having another long night.  As he paced, swinging his baseball bat around his head like a spastic monkey, he spoke to himself–“Maybe if I write a short introduction.  A short introduction will be fine.”  As I prepared for a day of abusive drinking, I realized that he was discussing formatting decisions…while swinging a baseball bat, at 5am.  It was going to be a great Newman’s Day.

Mike joined me almost an hour late, which meant I had a one beer lead on him and a chance to start watching my collection of Beavis and Butthead.

Tally: 2 beers
BAC: 0.02


After the jump: Mike arrives, things get frat-tastic. Live-blog! Beer! Whoo!

Read the rest of this entry »

Columbia Student Killed

Columbia Student KilledEvery one in a while things happen at Ivy League Universities which do not admit of a humorous characterization. This is one of those things.

Columbia is in a state of shock and mourning after grad student Minghui Yu was killed by oncoming traffic, the victim of a botched mugging/hate-crime (details are unclear). From the Times:

The student, Minghui Yu, 24, was on the median on Broadway between 122nd and 123rd Streets about 9 p.m. when a small group of young men drew near and one attacked him, the police said. Mr. Yu struggled and broke free and ran across one southbound lane before being struck by a Jeep Cherokee in the southbound lanes.

According to the Daily News (see also, Gothamist), one of Yu’s attackers was heard to boast, “Look what I do to this one,” words which have been interpreted by many to have a racial meaning. The age of the arrested suspect: 13-years-old.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ragtime April 1, 2008: The End is Near

BREAKING: All Charges Against Scharf P ’08 Dropped; Civil Suit in Works

BREAKING: All Charges Against Scharf P '08 Dropped; Civil Suit in WorksSome backstory: Will Scharf ’08, the former President of one of Princeton’s eating clubs, was charged last December with providing alcohol to minors and maintaining a nuisance. The charges grew out of an unrelated investigation into a brawl between two girls. One girl poured beer on another, and the first struck the second.

But the Borough attempted to coerce these students into testifying against the eating-club as a way of avoiding the law themselves. So instead of charging the two female malefactors, the Borough charged Scharf even though the club had bodyguards and a working wrist-band system in place that night.

In a press-release provided in advance to IvyGate, Scharf’s tough-named lawyer Rocco Cipparone breaks it all down:

Cipparone noted that apparently it has been a pattern of the Borough Police to charge an individual officer of an eating club, only to later dismiss the charges when the eating club itself agrees to take responsibility and admit liability for the charges originally levied against the individual.

It’s an old game and a dirty one. But Scharf, however, declined to play. Rocco declares that Scharf, “was not willing to be used by the Borough Police as leverage against his Club, in derogation of his individual rights and civil liberties.” Bravo!

After the jump — “false arrest, malicious prosecution, and federal civil rights violations.”

UPDATE: The Prince just picked the story up. There’s additional legal info and commentary from Cipparone to be found, if you’re interested.

Read the rest of this entry »

Doggone Entertaining

Doggone EntertainingHave you ever been reading Drudge Report and been like, well this is great, but why can’t I read a similar version of this site for dogs? Thanks to a couple Princeton Seniors….now you can.

The idea behind Dog Report is simple, so simple it’s brilliant: exactly like Drudge Report, but for dogs. All the headlines have been modified to read from a dog’s-eye point-of-view. Why am I even explaining this? Read it, click that link, I double-dog dare you.

The site’s authors, Theo Ellis ’08 and Katy Brandes ’08, gave us the full backstory on Dog Report: “We thought of it on friday, the site was up and running by friday night.” Because the URL “” was apparently taken, they settled for “” The next, and presumably ultimate, step is to get Dog Report linked by Drudge Report

What is the best headline on Dog Report? Personally I’m partial to “Hundreds of would-be dog-owners dead,” but I guess “Dogs still uninterested in monetary policy,” could give that one a run for its money.

Good luck with the thesis, guys.