Commencement 2011: Dartmouth’s with CoCo

Big news: Late-night host Conan O’Brien will speak at the Class of 2011’s Commencement, according to the Dartmouth. But the funny man’s talents weren’t procured easily. Apparently, President Jim Yong Kim had to pull some strings with a former teacher in order to snag Conan’s number — that teacher being Thomas O’Brien, Harvard Medical School professor and Conan’s dad. Just goes to show that the valuable connections you make at school (read: Harvard) really do last a lifetime, and apparently extend to other Ivy League institutions. (Except for Brown — JimKim’s ditched you twice! Once for HMS, again for the presidency at Dartmouth.)

Not to break any hearts in Hanover — being so deep in the woods, we so rarely get to be on the bleeding edge of culture — but Harvard, like the Simpsons, did it first. (Coincidentally, Conan O’Brien once wrote for the Simpsons!) Back in 2000, the talk-show host delivered an infamous, oft-quoted Commencement address for Class Day. Fortunately, any dissatisfaction Dartmouth students might feel over receiving Harvard’s sloppy seconds is mitigated by the relief of finally getting a speaker their state school friends have actually heard of (instead of, say, the first female president of an African country).

Clusterfuck to the Keg Stand: Election Results

Although voting got off to a rough start, elections ran until 8pm Friday night.

EPAC released the 2011 SA eleciton results at 3:03AM Saturday morning – Max Yoeli and Amrita Sankar will serve as the 2011-2012 student body president and vice president, respectively. Yoeli edged out highly qualified write-in candidate  Will Hix by a narrow margin (693 votes to Hix’s 643), while Holekamp, fratstar underdog, fell to Sankar by almost four hundred votes (510 to 906 votes.) There’s always next year, right? (Well, no … not so much if you’re graduating.)

Follow the jump for full results of the race.

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Clusterfuck to the Keg Stand: Anatomy of an Electoral Farce

You’ve met the candidates. Now in part two of our special compendium of Dartmouth election shenanigans, behold the following timeline of how it all hit the fan.

March 1: During a 7PM meeting, Dartmouth’s Elections Planning and Advisory Committee announces a new rule barring previously suspended students from running for student body president or vice president.

March 30: Max Yoeli ’12 and Will Hix ’12 both announce they are running for student body president. Hix was suspended for one term his junior year after being cited for possession of alcohol and disorderly conduct (for attempting to evade Hanover police.)

April 6: Hix’s proposed amendment to the Student Assembly constitution, which would have barred EPAC from setting eligibility guidelines for candidates — thus, allowing him to run — fails 8-17 in a SA vote. There is considerable controversy over the vote, even within the Assembly. At least one vote was miscounted, and outgoing SA president Eric Tanner ’11 voted despite a clause in the Assembly Constitution preventing the president from voting unless there is a tiebreaker. Hix describes the voting process as the “antithesis of an open democracy.” He is finally, definitively ineligible to run for student body president or vice president. (OR IS HE???!!!)

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Clusterfuck to the Keg Stand: Meet the Dartmouth SA Candidates

In the short span of two weeks, Dartmouth’s annual Student Assembly elections have once again emerged as New Hampshire’s premier political shitshow (at least until the 2012 GOP primaries roll through town.) The high drama includes failed constitutional amendments, undemocratic one-candidate ballots, oft-delayed and canceled debates, and two (serious?) write-in candidates, one of whom is running in absentia from Texas. IvyGate tried to make sense of the ongoing hijinks in Hanover so that you don’t have to.  Our brief summary of the candidates follows after the jump.

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