Welcome to the Eating Clubs

Hello Princeton freshpeople, hope you’ve been adjusting well. As you try to poach upperclassmen to get a guest pass inside an eating club, here’s what you’re missing when it’s not open to the (kind of) public:

Live from Ivy

Thanks to an anonymous tipster, here’s a video seemingly from last year’s Titanic theme party at Ivy, the Princeton eating club. One of their many theme parties throughout the year, this one involves a chosen Jack and Rose, seen being Jack and Rose here. Seniors dress up as first-class passengers, juniors as second-class, and newly minted Ivy sophomores as third-class passengers. Because if there’s anything Princeton loves, it’s clearly defined class statuses.

Columbia, where correlation equals causation

The administrative heroes over at Columbia decided that the best way to solve the university’s major sexual assault crisis and amend for their general mishandling of assault cases is to cancel a school-wide concert. Most publicly-reacting students have recognized this as yet another misguided move, and likely part of the school’s continuing War on Fun. The concert was supposed to be held this fall and artists were already secured; now the school has to pay the unnamed artists $55,000 for nothing.

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The guy in the $10,000 suit plays the viola

In the July 28th issue of the New Yorker we were treated to the story of the Carpenter family, described by Rebecca Mead as “imagined into being by Wes Anderson.” Sean, Lauren, and David Carpenter all attended Princeton on financial aid, but are now living the life posing as Stradivari asset managers to promote their musical careers. We think? It seems they just wanted the opportunity to play these extraordinary instruments so badly they cracked the financial market for them.

Sean and Lauren both served as concertmaster at Princeton while David only played in the orchestra briefly, choosing instead to follow the spotlight as a soloist. The siblings “have a disconcerting habit of referring to themselves in the first-person plural,” are all unmarried (“We just haven’t met the right person yet”), and now live together in a two-bedroom apartment at the Plaza. Their mother often sleeps over.

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In Defense of the Ivy League

The current issue of the New Republic features former Yale professor William Deresiewicz going on for 4000 words deriding the Ivy League and other “elite” schools. This is not unusual: Deresiewicz has done this before and probably will do so again (there’s freedom in not getting tenure, it seems). But with a solid clickbait headline, the article made the rounds on social media and we decided to address some of the fallacies and paradoxes presented in his TNR arguments. Join us.

Pro Princeton Prof Lawn Vigilante


ORFE Professor John Mulvey, who has been at Princeton since 1978, got a little too involved in the local community. You know those lawn signs proprietors put outside your house after doing work there? Mulvey’s allegedly been stealing them — 21 of them, valued at $471 total.

Say what?!

We are…not Penn State


A recent Harper Poll showed what we’ve always known to be true: no one respects UPenn.

When Pennsylvanians were asked which of the major in-state universities they respect most, 24% picked Penn State, versus UPenn at 17% (tied with Carnegie Mellon for second-most respected).

Meanwhile, the DP attempted to get readers to send in pictures of their Independence Days using hashtag “#DPIndependenceDay”. It seems to be going well.

[Image via Harper Polling]

#tbt And Yale Laughed

Today we’d like to throwback to 2010, when some benevolent Yalies traveled to South Africa for spring break to participate in Jamie Lachman’s, Y’98, “Clowns Without Borders South Africa.”

We remove our [clown] noses, only to transfer them to the plush animal-shaped neck pillows we bought on impulse while waiting for our flight.

… We eleven Yalies could have built that teacher a new school and more with the combined cost of our plane tickets to South Africa. We hoped our trip amounted to more than simple self-indulgence, but sometimes we had trouble remembering why.”

 

[Notably, in the three days since this was tipped to us, the page was taken down, but archives preserved this pixel-y image. If you have pictures to share in future #tbts, email us at tips@ivygateblog.com]

The real reasons Harvard kids don’t date

This week at #AspenIdeas, former Harvard hall co-master (and current Yale Child Study Center lecturer) Erika Christakis talked about how Harvard students aren’t dating. A bunch of non-college students on the panel then set about debating why college students aren’t conforming to their standards and telling us how, once again, us dumb millennials are doing something wrong.

Tired of letting old people speak for us, IvyGate came up with a list of the real reasons Harvard students aren’t dating in the “traditional” sense:

  • There’s no grade inflation in first impressions.
  • Chances of ending up in someone’s tell-all memoirs a few years down the road are too high.
  • You assholes keep telling us millennials aren’t serious enough so we’re focusing on serious things like class and shit instead of dates.
  • Still waiting on line at a final club.
  • That emo phase in middle school really drained us.
  • Storing up on care-free sex while the school still pays for birth control.
  • Only understand “romantic” in literary terms.
  • The Cambridge Panera is always too crowded for dates.
  • Can’t figure out if “having it all” means having a husband or having lots of casual sex.
  • Rebelling against helicopter moms.
  • The Winklevoss twins do not look like Armie Hammer in real life.

But the real reason Harvard kids aren’t going on dates? They’re too used to thinking once you get in you don’t have to expend any more effort.

Yale & Harvard Will Always Have DC

This week, New York Magazine did a feature on the delicious DC summer interns, one of our favorite subsets of students. Of the 10 interns profiled, half of them (from our sleuthing) are Ivy Leaguers, hailing exclusively from Yale and Harvard — though this post in the very earnest “Yale in Washington Summer 2014” group may have had something to do with that slant:

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