Yale “burns” Harvard in a pre-Game video challenge

Perhaps the highlight of college sporting events, the annual Harvard/Yale football game takes place this Saturday at Harvard Stadium in Boston. As the front pages of both school papers’ opinion columns announce, tensions are already rising in the form of snappy op-eds. (Have you heard, for instance, that Harvard killed the dinosaurs?)

For the past few years, Harvard comedy group “On Harvard Time” has released burn videos mocking the school’s arch-rival and seeding fear into the hearts of Yalies right before the great game. They’re usually pretty funny. This year, though, Yale has decided to retaliate with a viral challenge of its own, in a video that proves that while Yale students may boast the more adorable mascot, they really needs to work on their snark level – not to mention voiceover skills.

In the newly released “Harvard: Put Up or Shut Up,” an independently directed production, the Yale College Council throws down the gauntlet and shames Harvard students once and for all for their inferiorities, including:

They could not come up with that much.

BROWN: Campus Goose is your Mom away from Mom

Like this, but for forever.

College is celebrated as a place where, for the first time in your life, you don’t need your parents in order to survive on a daily basis. Small freedoms such as feeding yourself, doing your own laundry, and generally taking care of the life tasks required in order to be a human being become valuable stepping stones on the long road to quasi-adulthood. But if you’re at Brown University, you can stay on the warm-up bench of life for an extra couple of years, thanks to Campus Goose.

Campus Goose, the “one-of-a-kind concierge service” started last year and targeted towards Brown students, dedicates itself to services ranging from the “practical” – like rides to doctor’s appointments – to the “whimsical,” like delivering morning muffins, offering wake-up calls, or “discreetly checking in” on one’s wayward student who hasn’t Skyped home in the past 48 hours. (We’re imagining a mom in a bush with binoculars, twigs in her hair and peering into the Beta house on mixer night.) Think of it as your own local helicopter mom, only on really aggressive steroids.

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Guilty of Title IX Violation, Princeton Will Reexamine 11 Sexual Misconduct Cases

The Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights announced on November 5th that Princeton has been found guilty of a Title IX violation, prompting the university to review all of its sexual assault cases from the past three years. The OCR’s verdict stated that Princeton had not “promptly and equitably responded” to complaints of sexual violence, including harassment and assault. Along with the guilty verdict, the OCR announced a resolution for an agreement with Princeton to ensure further compliance with Title IX. Princeton’s policies and procedures in place to respond to cases of sexual assault at the time of the investigation were also not compliant with Title IX’s requirements. Much like Columbia’s Title IX complaint filed in April, OCR’s investigation was a response to complaints filed on behalf of students.

Princeton was prepared for the verdict.

The Dartmouth upholds standards of journalism: confuses bananas for dildos

Since 1799, The Dartmouth has prided itself on a long and illustrious history of professional student journalism and a commitment to ethical, objective reporting. In keeping with these standards, the newspaper published a correction to its October 17th front-page article that called for an end to the Greek system at the college. While it’s reassuring to know that the paper is upfront about its editorial errors, it’s less reassuring to hear that someone mixed up a potassium-rich fruit with a pretty high-tech sex toy:

Our only question: ejaculating dildo?

(h/t @romenesko)

 

Trouble in Squirrel Paradise: Bwog’s Internal Discord and Messy Journalism

(Full disclosure: Alexandra Avvocato is Bwog’s former managing editor.)

Yesterday evening, Bwog’s Features Editor Alexander Pines, Columbia ’16, announced his resignation from the board of Columbia’s primary news blog. His decision immediately followed Bwog’s coverage of a protest held on campus by Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP). In the 24-hour period after the publication of this post, the actions taken by Bwog’s board in response to a student’s safety concerns prompted Pines to immediately step down from the organization.

In an interview with IvyGate, Pines, formerly one of the four head editors on Bwog, narrated the events that led to his resignation on Friday morning. Regardless of which party is most at fault here, the internal problems of Bwog’s board have, at least on one occasion, affected its day-to-day operations and editorial consistency. (Although, to be fair, this is a blog that never took itself too seriously.)

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Herbal remedies abound at Cornell’s Sage Chapel

“Every non-sage is mad” – Cicero 

A “bizarre…incident” took place last week that proved at least some Cornell kids are on the search for higher knowledge this summer. On July 22nd, The Ithaca Voice reported that a marijuana pipe was found on campus by a custodian (or, as the police report phrased it, “drug paraphernalia”) (yes, they sent a Cornell police officer to investigate an abandoned pipe). The newsworthy–and hilarious–part of the story lies where the offending item was found: Cornell’s Sage Chapel. Given the evidence, we really can’t be sure that the kids weren’t just burning some incense in a linguistically appropriate location.

Janelle Hanson, an official with Cornell United Religious Workers, claims the incident is the first of its kind that she’s seen in her three years overseeing the chapel. She also expressed mystification as to how or why the pipe could have ended up there, and conjectured that “maybe they were just walking by and accidentally set it down when they were praying,” a response that makes us wonder if everyone’s trolling everyone here.

A Cornell police report deemed the case “closed,” which we feel was a sage decision on the part of the university. There should never be shame in communing with a higher power, especially in the search for some sage wisdom. We congratulate the unknown students for finding a far more ingenious place to search for divine inspiration than the tired rooftop/park/hotboxed dorm room. Who says you can’t reach new highs and execute clever wordplay? Although if they’d been smoking salvia, we’d be on a whole new plane of pun.

Sage has been used throughout history for warding off evil, snake bites, and increasing women’s fertility. It has also been lauded for its healing properties since the Middle Ages. The herb was sometimes referred to as “S. salvatrix,” or sage the savior.

Random facts about sage via Wikipedia

 

Cornell: “Wasn’t Me”

Depending on your opinion, people have either been (a) getting their panties in a twist or (b) expressing some legitimate concerns over Facebook’s sinister-sounding “emotional contagion” research project, news of which hit the Internet in full force yesterday.

The week-long study, conducted in January 2012, selectively altered the news feeds of about 70,000 Facebook users by skewing the news, photos, and statuses they saw to either an overly positive or overly negative angle. And as various media outlets have frantically reported, turns out we are influenced by other people’s moods and the type of information we receive. Crazy.

While Facebook itself collected the data, the results of the study were analyzed by scientists at Cornell – and before the world could even point an accusing finger towards Ithaca, a well-timed press release from Cornell’s Media Relations Office was quick to shout, “don’t look at us, bro.”

tl;dr of the release: Cornell’s Professor Hancock only had access to the research results, so you don’t need to worry about the school keeping your alcohol-fueled depressive statuses in a database somewhere, waiting to be revealed Snowden-style. The decision was also made to not consult the Human Research Protection Program because Hancock “was not directly engaged in human research”; or, we’re all just meaningless numbers in the end.

Cornell: even when they try to reassure you, they somehow make you feel worse.

Harvard 2014 by the numbers

As Harvard’s Class of 2014 steps out to make their way in the world, they leave behind some priceless facts culled from the annual senior survey. In the spirit of celebration and congratulations, The Crimson faithfully reported on the senior class’ politics, porn habits, and virginity status. The email survey sent out among the graduates received over 700 responses, providing an idiosyncratic and color coded picture of the Harvard lifestyle — “extracurriculars” and all. Some of our favorite highlights below:

  • We’ll start with a real shocker: of the seniors immediately entering employment post-graduation (70% of the class), 31% will work for finance and consulting companies.
  • In another unexpected twist, nearly all employment fields showed an unequal starting salary among men and women: women going into technology or engineering report a salary of $50,000 and $69,999, while the men entering the same fields report between $90,000 and $109,999.

Sextracurriculars and more after the jump

‘Happy Video’ presents a lighter side to Dartmouth

Dartmouth’s been having a rough couple of months. Amidst the turmoil of Parker Gilbert’s sexual assault trial, student protests over the Freedom Budget, concerned alumni airing discriminatory grievances, and slipping application rates, it makes sense that the college’s students need a bit of a pick-me-up. However, this attempt to document “the positive side of Dartmouth” may come across as ironic to some — or maybe it’s just the song choice.

“Dartmouth College – Happy,” uploaded Monday night to YouTube and already boasting 35,000 views, shows over 100 students dancing around campus to Pharrell’s “Happy.” We’re not making this up; take a look for yourself below.

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CORNELL: Grad Student Looking For Love

Calling all female Cornell grad students: are you still looking for a date to tomorrow night’s Graduate Ball? Don’t you worry — if you act quickly, you can score a date with the hottest man in town. Ivan Martynenko is a grad student in Structural Mechanics and Materials, and, in a class-wide email sent to the Cornell graduate listerv, has created his own version of The Bachelor, minus the hot tubs.

Rather than forgo this year’s Ball, or, y’know, ask somebody in person/via text/via a single-recipient email, he’s inviting all Cornell grad ladies (sorry, gents) to submit an application to be his date. (Here’s hoping they don’t hit reply-all). Ivan says it best himself: “If you are smart, attractive, talented — this is your chance.” Who could resist?

But wait! There’s more!