There’s a Huge Party at Princeton Tonight, and You Are Not Invited

Multiple sources have forwarded us a Facebook chat transcript, produced below, between two Princetonians: one, an “old money Azerbaijani freshman” (according to one source) who tonight is “dropping ~$20k on a massive party” at Princeton’s Colonial Club, the other a “sorority girl” and Tiger Inn member who really — like, really really — wants to attend said gathering.

We’ve replaced their names (and those of their friends) with Princeton alumni of historical and cultural import — a gesture of charity, sure, but also practicality: the whole transcript is kind of bleak and harrowing once you realize that flesh-and-blood Princetonians really do appraise and sort each other in the manner portrayed here.

Full, horrible transcript, after the jump!


[Ed: “ti” = Tiger Inn, an eating club.]

Jodi Picoult @ 7:11pm

So I just want to make sure that I still have +10 for your party on Saturday, I can guarantee you cool ti people.
I’m highly insulted that I wasn’t on the first email list of invitations

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:21pm

sorry +ten won’t work anymore. as for the invites, they were symbolic, i’ll put you on the list for the party. I only did freshmen guys and girls. my zete friends did sophomores/juniors/seniors

Jodi Picoult @ 7:24pm

Ok I want the email. what zetes did you have do the list?

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:24pm

Eliot Spitzer, my best bud from back home

Jodi Picoult @ 7:25pm

Oh I don’t know him. Do you want me to compile you a list if cool people? I feel like he probably missed a lot

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:25pm

and a couple of other freshmen and sophomores helped me out
he did not. we have 512 people on the list and colonial can only fit 4oo-45o ppl

Jodi Picoult @ 7:26pm

Ok…I know a lot of ti kids feel like they got overlooked, probs not good

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:26pm

such as? i invited some wrestlers and such

Jodi Picoult @ 7:26pm

You missed a lot.
Based on my conversations at dinner…

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:29pm

we literally sent them out 15 minutes ago\

Jodi Picoult @ 7:29pm

Idk…I’m just relaying the message

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:30pm

To be honest I don’t care. you cant satisfy every single person in life. the building can fit in 4oo people and we sent out around 5oo. we had to cut so many ppl
in any case i only did freshmen

Jodi Picoult @ 7:34pm

Ok well I still didn’t get the email…
And yeah you can’t invite everyone, but when you miss 75% of one of the top clubs on the street some people might get upset. Just trying to help you out :)

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:36pm

I believe i invited 8 wrestlers from TI, and maybe 5 or 6 girls. also some volleyball guys from TI and a couple of water polo guys from TI lol

Jodi Picoult @ 7:38pm

That’s minority of the membership and you missed nearly all of the sorority girls in ti, and I know you weren’t here last year but ti had the lowest acceptance rate for girls last year…
I’m not trying to cause problems for you just lettin you know :)

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:39pm

look, im not gonna send out any more email invites. i might however have ten or so more spots left for emergency additions for the list

Jodi Picoult @ 7:40pm

I’m not telling you to do that. If you are interested in inviting cool people let me know.

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:44pm

tell me what you believe some potential improvements could be

Jodi Picoult @ 7:50pm

Well, firstly myself…but also Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, Brooke Shields, Wendy Kopp, Jennifer Weiner, David Duchovny, David Remnick….if you haven’t already invited those

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:51pm

i think i have seen one or two of these names on the list

Jodi Picoult @ 7:52pm

I know you definitely missed a few of them too

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:53pm

are these thetas?

Jodi Picoult @ 7:54pm

Me Sonia Elena an Brooke are, Wendy and Jennifer are pi phi
Honestly I know some pretty cute kappas too

Donald Rumsfeld @ 7:58pm

no kappas

Jodi Picoult @ 7:59pm

Haha ok…

Donald Rumsfeld @ 8:00pm

alright how about this, let me give a +3 and bring the 3 hottest ones in the aforementioned list

Jodi Picoult @ 8:00pm

So is it me plus three or three includes me
I’m confused by your math

Donald Rumsfeld @ 8:02pm

including u

Jodi Picoult @ 8:02pm

Oh interesting

Donald Rumsfeld @ 8:06pm

sounds good?

Jodi Picoult @ 8:08pm



[Ed: Just how sick is this party going to be? “This dude is busing in girls from Rutgers. Except he chartered three buses from Rutgers and only two buses back,” said one source. Sick enough, we guess.]

17 Responses to “There’s a Huge Party at Princeton Tonight, and You Are Not Invited”

  1. theta Says:

    the party was cancelled FYI

  2. anon Says:

    Princeton has really collapsed into the school of white wealth and privilege. Intellectual and smart kids just don’t go there anymore.

  3. P'15 Says:

    That is absolutely incorrect, these are two extreme and unique cases at Princeton. Every Ivy League has its fair share of “rich kids”, “legacies”, etc. However, we have a larger, more pronounced population of incredibly intelligent students (that includes students who are rich and/or are legacies) are doing ground breaking work in many fields, including plasma physics, molecular biology, neuroscience, economics, comparative literature, politics, public policy, and so forth.

  4. CU Says:

    Incredibly intelligent student, you might want to check up on your grammar. I think you mean ‘However, we have a larger, more pronounced population of incredibly intelligent students (that includes students who are rich and/or are legacies) THAT are doing ground breaking work…’

  5. CU Says:

    Oh sorry I missed ANOTHER mistake: However, we have a larger, more pronounced population of incredibly intelligent students (that includes students who are rich and/or are legacies) THAT IS doing ground breaking work

  6. Cornellian Says:

    watch out guys we got a badass over here

  7. Reasonable Says:

    Doesn’t get much worse than people like you. Embarrassing. You must be incredibly intelligent and successful.

  8. rick131 Says:

    You are a freshman, what possibly do you know? Princeton still has the highest percentage of legacies and private school students in the ivy league. And it is up there with Dartmouth for the least diverse.

  9. P'14 Says:

    Where are you getting those statistics?

    By the way, the Class of 2015 are sophomores.

    future future future

  10. P '14 Says:

    For clarity’s sake, let it be, “The members of the Class of 2015…” Lest there be any confusion.

  11. ricktard Says:

    lol rick is tard

  12. unfair Says:

    why do these people get their names omitted and others don’t get the same privilege?

    _someone whose name was used against his/her will.

  13. J.K. Trotter Says:

    Fair question. We don’t have a concrete policy on much of anything, but in general if it’s private correspondence between two people (as opposed to an email blast — like to a fraternity or sorority — or something posted on a blog) then we are a bit more careful about naming names.

  14. unfair Says:

    That’s actually kind of reasonable. Thanks for replying.

  15. dcj2112 Says:

    That makes me a sad panda. Actually…I probably wasn’t going to make the jog from Massachusetts to New Jersey just for this anyway.

  16. d08 Says:

    why did I waste my time reading this…

  17. Princeton Student Says:

    I am a princeton student and I am exactly like this because I love this and that is why I act like this and do these things god I love this so much this is what I love I love you why don’t you look at me I love you fucking look at me

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