Harvard’s “15 Hottest Freshmen” Seize Power in Bloodless, Contentless Coup

The Harvard Crimson‘s weekly magazine FM — like The New York Times Magazine, only student-produced and ineffably awkward and absurd — has taken campus journalism to new heights, past tabloid and gossip site, while simultaneously elevating freshman-stalking to a high-art.

Yes, the oglers have crowned Harvard’s 15 Hottest Freshmen, and the results are… well, we’ll let you judge for yourselves. What we can reasonably comment on are the honorees’ somewhat bizarre on-camera behavior. Here’s one of them, on what being named as “beautiful” has done for her self-esteem.

It’s like finding your purpose in life. Before this I was kind of lost, I was like, where do I belong at this school, then I woke up one morning, headed to the bathroom, looked down on the floor and there was an envelope and it was telling me that I was picked for this. It was kind of like something clicked. Like there was a part of me that was over here and another part that was over here and they just kind of… *clicking sound and hand gesture.*

This may be a joke. We pray to God it’s a joke. In any case, you can’t blame these so-called hotties for being somewhat off-beat. Apparently:

The instructions in the email were to wear dark clothing, leggings or skinny jeans, heels or boots, dark clothing, and heavy, dark makeup.

We’re guessing FM had an S&M/Goth-esque theme in mind that didn’t quite pan out. “Pastels and graffiti make for a smoldering combination,” says the site on its intended aesthetic, even though this is incomprehensible. But Harvard remains undaunted! Quoth an editor:

It’s one of our most popular issues.

The rare times we talk about changing it up, our alumni call up… it’s a cherished part of the magazine.

Harvard’s pretty people are here: feel free to contact FM‘s editors to counter all those vociferous alums and get this to disappear.

12 Responses to “Harvard’s “15 Hottest Freshmen” Seize Power in Bloodless, Contentless Coup”

  1. guest Says:

    so… it's basically a yale's 50 most beautiful rip off. Except with people who aren't pretty….

  2. penn11 Says:

    the speaker of the first quote was a female. you used a male pronoun.

    why does the journalism on this site suck?

  3. funnierthanyou Says:

    whoever wrote this blog entry has absolutely no sense of humor. the first quote is blatantly sarcastic, and I found it quite funny and witty. the second is to create a unified theme among the photos. the third might only be the off-putting one.

    anyhow, it sounds like someone is jealous of not being accepted into harvard. either that, or really is not deserving of judging what people on this blog would find interesting to read.

    on a side note- disappointed that the girls are not attractive


  4. degreez Says:

    this list came out ages ago. quit boring me, ivygate.

  5. bored Says:

    Klein, you suck as a writer and are not funny.

  6. Nope Says:

    Kind of like Yale is a Harvard rip off?

    Anyway, yeah, the first quote is obviously a joke. Some of them (coughhannahcarolinejames) are hot but a bunch just aren't.

  7. H13 Says:

    Hannah Joy, the girl with the long quotation, is totally joking, I promise. And most of these people are pretty good-looking in real life– I guess it has a lot to do with the way they carry themselves and interact with people, but I understand why they were chosen.

  8. the social ivy Says:

    wowwww harvard is ugly.

  9. eli Says:

    At least Rumpus picks people who are actually attractive.

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