Child of the Corn Interested in Harvard/Yale/Columbia, World Domination

Helicopter parenting of the Black Hawk variety and classic kiddie exploitation have converged to produce the Ivy League’s next scary superstar: Fatima Ptacek. She’s a nine-year-old supermodel, raking in $250,000 a year, while appearing in national ad campaigns and chilling with Michelle Obama; on the side, she’s an award-winning gymnast, horseback rider, chess wiz, and Spanish/Mandarin Chinese speaker. Oh, she’s also starred on Saturday Night Life, and is appearing in a Catherine Zeta-Jones movie in a few months. So, Ivy League masses, prepare to feel more overwhelmed by your classmates than ever before, because, in Fatima’s words:

My dad said I’m allowed to go to Harvard, Yale or Columbia.

Why is herr father so adamant?

Barack Obama studied at Harvard, and I really like him. I want to be a lawyer. I was thinking of maybe going to the Olympics, but you know what? That’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I want to be in the court and fight for people saying, ‘My client is innocent!’

Such high sell-out ambitions at such an early age? Sounds like Ivy League material to us…  Get a load of the supposed secret to her success, according to her manager:

She’s ethnically ambiguous.

Regardless, something tells us Fatima won’t need the affirmative action bump come admissions season. Especially considering her Common-App ready childhood (or lack thereof):

Fatima is up every day at 6 a.m., preparing for school at PS 150Q, where she is in the Academy for Intellectually Gifted Children. At least twice a week, she cuts out of class early with her mom to ham it up at auditions and casting calls in Manhattan. She finishes her homework in the car on the way back to Flushing — for a three-hour workout at a Russian gym, Lana’s Gymnastics Club, three or four nights a week. Fatima finally hits the hay at around 10 p.m. Weekends are eaten up by horseback riding and five hours of Mandarin class on Saturdays.

We predict that this talented young woman will have several things to look forward to in her future, or combinations thereof: peaking early, burning out, world-domination, soulless careerism, the Presidency of the United States. Or maybe just following in Emma Watson’s footsteps and dating this guy:

18 Responses to “Child of the Corn Interested in Harvard/Yale/Columbia, World Domination”

  1. chaosakita Says:

    Wow, that's insane.

  2. Princeton Insecure Preempt Says:

    [Insert accusations of anti-Princeton bias for reporting a story about a 9 year old who would not mention Princeton in the same breath as Harvard, Yale, and -gasp!- Columbia]

    [Insert personal insults against AK]

    [Insert lamentations about the state of ivygate and how it was so much better under Princeton-bred leadership]

  3. CU '10 Says:

    Mmm, I hate her already.

  4. sara Says:

    She goes to my school and is kind of my friend.Shes really sweet, pretty,smart and cool.Fatima is youre reading this, im sara, in ur grade ,we played volley ball on feild day, you showed me how to throw the ball right.i luv her!

  5. Corey Brezak Says:

    Uh oh … 10-year-olds are reading IvyGate now

  6. good job Says:

    see, this was actually an entertaining post, so you should probably wait for other people to start doing that so you don't look like an idiot

    oh wait

    too bad

  7. Princeton Insecure Preempt Says:

    How about you read up on the definition of “preemption?” Sorry I took away your internet glory, bro.

  8. H'11 Says:

    I completely read that as:
    “She’s ethically ambiguous.”
    Amazing what one letter does, right? Maybe she's this, too (or at least her parents).

  9. good job Says:

    there is no glory on the internet bro. sorry i didn't read your post name, that was my bad. however, now you do kinda seem like an ass. that was a needlessly negative post it seems… plus i'd like to point out no one has bashed klein here.

  10. cc 12 Says:

    so young and already NO social life. epic fail.

  11. she's precious Says:

    aw I just saw a video about her and she's actually adorable and very well-spoken. Good for her!

  12. bad job Says:

    “good job,” have you no concept of irony

  13. asdf Says:

    Whatever this girl's talents, I think it crosses a certain line to call any nine-year-old a “supermodel,” let alone one pictured in a photo such as the above.

  14. CLS 2L Says:

    I just masturbated to her, even though she looks like Gollum. LOVE those toes!

  15. Y11 Says:

    Geez, they could at least wait until middle school to over-schedule and over-program her. When I have kids I'm taking them to the Alaskan wilderness and raising them there.

  16. K. Says:

    Yeah,she will propably end as Lindsay Lohan,because her parents were too ambitious..

  17. Hans Says:

    oh geez, is that Rafael Cebrian in the picture? I was expecting Emma Watson to date some cute Brown guy haha.

  18. Sexetveritas Says:

    “Her parents are adamant about never using Fatima as a piggy bank. “People always say to me, 'Well, you've got college paid,' ” said her father, Jack Ptacek. “I say no way. That's her money.””

    Um… wouldn't using her earnings to pay for her own college education STILL BE “HER” MONEY, AND TOTALLY ETHICAL?

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