Penn Sophomore Shows Off Ridiculous/Gaudy Estate on Teen Cribs

Tucker, Penn ’12, is better than you. His pool house has two floors; he has a 19th-century country-house in the middle of DC; he has great polo shirts; and he also has the audacity to show it all off on MTV’s Teen Cribs. Now, despite the ‘let-them-eat-cake’ unintentional elitism–and the surprising tackiness of the house itself–the Johns family seems nice… almost, too nice. One brother describes his parents as “the-bomb-dot-com”; Tucker himself says he spends most of his free-time chilling with his “awesome family.” (The parents are, of course, venture capitalists.)

Through some stilted line-deliveries and awkward tracking shots, we learn that Tucker is

20 years old, and a big fan of anything to do with pop culture.

The attire is preppy par excellence (note the many St. Albans sweaters), and the family is actually sort of adorable, if monarchical:

We have this big island in the middle of the kitchen, so when my Mom’s cooking you’ll find us around it, talking and laughing.

Cut to San Pellegrino and Evian in the transparent fridge (plus super-cool MTV transition music).

Our favorite quote is Tucker’s, wandering the outside grounds:

It’s kind of unusual to have a trampoline in this area. Not a lot of people have big yards.

Cue sister Gussie, riding up on a Vespa (Tucker: “Oh look, there’s Gussie!”), before giving us a tour of their family’s private lacrosse field. This proves a mere lead-in to the family’s luxury two-story pool-house (a hell of a lot bigger than my apartment) where “it kind of feels like you’re not in the city anymore.”

Well, they finally figured out how to make the cold materialism, fetishized elitism and tacit arrogance of Cribs even more skin-crawling: just add a splash of the Ivy League.

Full video here. Skip to 14:40 for the Tucker segment.

67 Responses to “Penn Sophomore Shows Off Ridiculous/Gaudy Estate on Teen Cribs

  1. Colleen Says:

    No one is saying that Tucker is a bad person, but when you choose to go on tv you ask for attention and therefore have less of a right to complain when people mock you. If Tucker didn’t want attention, he wouldn’t go on the show. Simple as that. People are making it sound as if Klein is an ass simply for writing a mildly amusing article on Tucker’s t.v. episode. Regardless of where Klein went to school, the episode was tacky, and (once again) the article was kind of amusing, so Alex Klein did a fine job.

  2. Colleen Says:

    No one is saying that Tucker is a bad person, but when you choose to go on tv you ask for attention and therefore have less of a right to complain when people mock you. If Tucker didn’t want attention, he wouldn’t go on the show. Simple as that. People are making it sound as if Klein is an ass simply for writing a mildly amusing article on Tucker’s t.v. episode. Regardless of where Klein went to school, the episode was tacky, and (once again) the article was kind of amusing, so Alex Klein did a fine job.

  3. columbia Says:

    i thought i would read and comment about how disgusting it is that i am commenting on a post as disgusting as this. ha! anyone care to comment on how idiotic this is NOW?

    it’s stupid to go on teen cribs because we all know people who lead a lifestyle that is more tasteful, tactful, and transparent while retaining the character of true society. let’s not look down on the poor kid for wanting a fair share at guido pussy a the attention of characters who indulge in teen cribs.

    in terms of vanity fair entertainment value, i say why not, let him show his house like that. and props to ivygate for the expose of this feature in teen cribs. it just proves that penn is a sub-par school–they say taste is the ultimate sign of intelligence.

    @DC–also, to say that one has gossip girl aspirations is essentially proof, Q.E.D., that one is in fact a douchebag, nouveau riche, in poor taste, etc etc etc. but to make fun of someone for wanting to be gossip girl-esque is truly another “level”

  4. columbia Says:

    i thought i would read and comment about how disgusting it is that i am commenting on a post as disgusting as this. ha! anyone care to comment on how idiotic this is NOW?

    it’s stupid to go on teen cribs because we all know people who lead a lifestyle that is more tasteful, tactful, and transparent while retaining the character of true society. let’s not look down on the poor kid for wanting a fair share at guido pussy a the attention of characters who indulge in teen cribs.

    in terms of vanity fair entertainment value, i say why not, let him show his house like that. and props to ivygate for the expose of this feature in teen cribs. it just proves that penn is a sub-par school–they say taste is the ultimate sign of intelligence.

    @DC–also, to say that one has gossip girl aspirations is essentially proof, Q.E.D., that one is in fact a douchebag, nouveau riche, in poor taste, etc etc etc. but to make fun of someone for wanting to be gossip girl-esque is truly another “level”

  5. Tom Cruise Says:

    I was just standin’ here, Tucker lock himself in da closet.

    I ask myself, why Tucker lock himself in da closet?

    But nobody answer.

    SO I PULL OUT MY GUN.

    Tell me why Tucker lock himself in da closet or ima shoot someone!

  6. Tom Cruise Says:

    I was just standin’ here, Tucker lock himself in da closet.

    I ask myself, why Tucker lock himself in da closet?

    But nobody answer.

    SO I PULL OUT MY GUN.

    Tell me why Tucker lock himself in da closet or ima shoot someone!

  7. цarьchitect Says:

    Say what you want about the medium, it is a really well designed property.

  8. цarьchitect Says:

    Say what you want about the medium, it is a really well designed property.

  9. Scombrous Says:

    “Unintentional” elitism? I don’t think there is any more effective way to trumpet one’s unabashed elitism to the world than to choose to appear on this show. At least the proles get to see what their suffering buys over-privileged upper-class kids; back in the day, they never got to experience the sumpuosity of Versailles even second-hand. No human being should have access to this level of resources or consumption while others starve; it’s morally abhorrent and to celebrate it is an act of base nihilism (no matter how “nice” the personalities attached to the parasites are).

  10. Scombrous Says:

    “Unintentional” elitism? I don’t think there is any more effective way to trumpet one’s unabashed elitism to the world than to choose to appear on this show. At least the proles get to see what their suffering buys over-privileged upper-class kids; back in the day, they never got to experience the sumpuosity of Versailles even second-hand. No human being should have access to this level of resources or consumption while others starve; it’s morally abhorrent and to celebrate it is an act of base nihilism (no matter how “nice” the personalities attached to the parasites are).

  11. Gaudy Says:

    Trumpeting one’s own wealth especialy in a global recession is in poor taste, but can we agree that class warfare is self-destructive.

  12. Gaudy Says:

    Trumpeting one’s own wealth especialy in a global recession is in poor taste, but can we agree that class warfare is self-destructive.

  13. Scombrous Says:

    @Gaudy – Self-destructive? Waging class warfare seems to have worked out pretty well for this kid’s parents…

  14. Scombrous Says:

    @Gaudy – Self-destructive? Waging class warfare seems to have worked out pretty well for this kid’s parents…

  15. @Tom Cruise Says:

    This is the best comment ever left on ivygate.

  16. @Tom Cruise Says:

    This is the best comment ever left on ivygate.

  17. hrm Says:

    i don't understand. this article says that tucker is elitist for showing his house on cribs. those that defend this claim then call him nouveau riche for doing so. it might just be me, but when was the last time you heard anyone from a class other than upper use that term?

    but, to be fair, mr. klein must have written this article because he didn't even get to live a house for high school! he's the real victim here. boarding-school-of-hard-knocks.

Leave a Reply

Login | Register | Leave Anonymous Comment