You have your indoor voice, you have your outdoor voice, and — if you’re a Dartmouth soccer player — you have your hurling-homophobic-obscenities-in-the-very-tight-quarters-of-a-squash-court voice.
I know what you are thinking, and yes, squash is not for the faint of heart even on a good day. It is a blood orgy, squash. But at the Dartmouth vs. Harvard matchup on Dec. 5, the men’s soccer players in the audience got out of hand. Per local newspaper The Valley News:
Words such as “dick,” “fag” and “—-sucker” were repeatedly shouted at the visitors Wednesday, many times with “f——” added as an adjective. Harvard’s female players eventually sought the protection of an assistant coach after they said they were called “whores” and “sluts” while they cheered on their male peers. While playing his match, Franklin Cohen was told he had small genitals and asked if he liked bagels, a phrase his mother viewed as a reference to the family’s Jewish surname.
However! Hold your anti-Semitic horses! There is an explanation for the “bagels” thing, and I actually buy it. In sports, when you have a shutout, that is sometimes called a bagel; it is a thing you say. “We discussed whether to say doughnut or bagel and obviously we decided to use the wrong word,” one of the offenders told the Valley News. “There was no anti-Semitism behind that.” Sustained!
As for the other stuff, yeesh. Now, granted, it is very cold in Hanover (26 that day!) and people can contract the cabin fever. When I am cold, however, I drink hot cocoa and read Caridad Scordato’s sizzling “Enchanto” novels. What I do not do is go bonkers and start berating women at a goddamn squash game!
The difference between good and bad bleacher lunacy is not a fine line to master, Dartmouth boys.
- Dressing in “a full-body parrot costume“: awesome.
- “A young man … raised his shirt and asked nearby Harvard women’s players if they wanted ‘a piece of this’“: awesome, provided the gentleman was fat!
- Calling people whores and cocksuckers: not very awesome!
One of the captains of the Dartmouth men’s soccer team wrote a campus-wide apology email after the shenanigans, disputing some of the account but still taking full responsibility. That is awesome!