“Pussy is the second-most-abundant commodity on earth,” after douchebags.

Pussy is the second-most-abundant commodity on earth,The incredibly dubious claim: The biggest player in NYC is a Harvard grad. According to the Today Show, America’s “modern Casanova” is 32-year-old SAT tutor Paul Janka, who wrote some kind of book report called How To Get Laid in New York. In one of the most public cockblocks of our time, Meredith Viera’s nationally syndicated segment features dramatic music straight from To Catch a Predator and tut-tutting from a frumpy female psychoanalyst. View it here. (The Today Show also blocks video embeds. Prudes!)

Among Mr. Janka’s sage advice, from his Big Apple ass-tapping manual:

Pussy is really the second-most-abundant commodity on earth, after water.

His expertise comes from an intricately-maintained Excel spreadsheet in which he charts the ladies he met, the dates they went on, and how hard they hit it afterwards. Shockingly, Janka found a direct correlation between amount of alcohol siphoned into female target, and degree of willingness to engage in sexual activity. This is a phenomenon sometimes known as “date rape,” but loathe be the Crimson lothario to deal with technicalities like “consent.” Anyone know Paul in his college days? We bet he spent all four years a virgin. Nothing says “compensating” like analyzing your little black book with office software.

76 Responses to ““Pussy is the second-most-abundant commodity on earth,” after douchebags.”

  1. Yuppie Says:

    I don’t see the big deal. This man merely does what so many guys do in order to get laid…he merely has no problem speaking on it.

    If women were not so stupid, he and so many other guys would be irrelevant.

  2. Yuppie Says:

    I don’t see the big deal. This man merely does what so many guys do in order to get laid…he merely has no problem speaking on it.

    If women were not so stupid, he and so many other guys would be irrelevant.

  3. Penn '08 Says:

    All questions of misogyny aside, any man with a mullet like that must sleep with the cream of the B&T crop.

  4. Penn '08 Says:

    All questions of misogyny aside, any man with a mullet like that must sleep with the cream of the B&T crop.

  5. Jason Says:

    I’ll bet the girls get wet the minute he tells them he’s an SAT tutor. Seriously, though, why do so many men aspire to be like this guy? I used to want the same thing, and I still don’t know why.

  6. Jason Says:

    I’ll bet the girls get wet the minute he tells them he’s an SAT tutor. Seriously, though, why do so many men aspire to be like this guy? I used to want the same thing, and I still don’t know why.

  7. yale '09 Says:

    its realy not that hard to be like this person. if i went to a club in nyc every night and was predating the scene, i would probably have a lot of sex with drunk bitches. there are a lot of horney single people who are stressed from work and just want to get laid.

  8. yale '09 Says:

    its realy not that hard to be like this person. if i went to a club in nyc every night and was predating the scene, i would probably have a lot of sex with drunk bitches. there are a lot of horney single people who are stressed from work and just want to get laid.

  9. D '08 Says:

    I agree w/ yale ’09. It is so easy to get laid if you’re looking in the right places. This guy is sooooo not special.

  10. D '08 Says:

    I agree w/ yale ’09. It is so easy to get laid if you’re looking in the right places. This guy is sooooo not special.

  11. princeton2009 Says:

    there is nothing hideously wrong with this guy. they are ganging up on him for the way he chooses to live, which for many men, isn’t a bad way to live. he is doing what he wants–he is having sex with many people; and as long as he makes his intentions clear from the beginning, then its not his fault of women see that differently. should women have responsibility for his feelings? should they not express their feelings so that he would enjoy his lifestyle more?

  12. princeton2009 Says:

    there is nothing hideously wrong with this guy. they are ganging up on him for the way he chooses to live, which for many men, isn’t a bad way to live. he is doing what he wants–he is having sex with many people; and as long as he makes his intentions clear from the beginning, then its not his fault of women see that differently. should women have responsibility for his feelings? should they not express their feelings so that he would enjoy his lifestyle more?

  13. poisonivylee Says:

    Hope this dude wears a rubber, NY has 3rd highest aids rate in the country. //graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2007/11/27/us/AIDSFull.gif
    Also, christiananarchisti, why do you insist on being so cryptic? Is it part of mystique? Basically an internet tycoon lied in court so you could be anally raped/poisoned in jail? I mean trolling is one thing, but this imaginative nonsense is bizarre.

  14. poisonivylee Says:

    Hope this dude wears a rubber, NY has 3rd highest aids rate in the country. //graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2007/11/27/us/AIDSFull.gif
    Also, christiananarchisti, why do you insist on being so cryptic? Is it part of mystique? Basically an internet tycoon lied in court so you could be anally raped/poisoned in jail? I mean trolling is one thing, but this imaginative nonsense is bizarre.

  15. I Hate Men Says:

    Yet another feminist attack on men being men. He has the right to engage in sexual activity with whomever obliges. If a woman at a bar or a singles party is confused about what “let’s go back to my place” means, I really can feel no sympathy for her. This whole interview is sexist on two counts 1. The man is shamed for his sexuality and 2. women are assumed to be too inept to discern between love and sex.

  16. I Hate Men Says:

    Yet another feminist attack on men being men. He has the right to engage in sexual activity with whomever obliges. If a woman at a bar or a singles party is confused about what “let’s go back to my place” means, I really can feel no sympathy for her. This whole interview is sexist on two counts 1. The man is shamed for his sexuality and 2. women are assumed to be too inept to discern between love and sex.

  17. @I hate men Says:

    I take issue with the “men being men” comment above. Not all men are like this guy. In fact, as a guy, I am far more likely to agree with you bat-crazy feminists than I am with Captain Sternum (//gawker.com/news/strategist/this-is-how-new-york-casanova-paul-janka-works-334200.php). But who, between me and him, is getting laid come Friday. I’ll give you a hint, he’s a whiz at Excel. Neither of us like this fact so who’s to blame? I blame women. What? blame the victim? No. I am the victim. I am the victim because I refuse to be a walking penis. I refuse to put gel in my hair. I refuse to trademark profane fabrications of sexually explicit encounters. And women hate me for this, and love him for his successes in these regards. And therein lies the great contradiction of feminism. It is great fun to bash this guy as the poster boy for all male sleaziness, but if there weren’t so many women willing to sleep with him none of us would have anything to talk about. You can use that in your senior thesis if you like.

  18. @I hate men Says:

    I take issue with the “men being men” comment above. Not all men are like this guy. In fact, as a guy, I am far more likely to agree with you bat-crazy feminists than I am with Captain Sternum (//gawker.com/news/strategist/this-is-how-new-york-casanova-paul-janka-works-334200.php). But who, between me and him, is getting laid come Friday. I’ll give you a hint, he’s a whiz at Excel. Neither of us like this fact so who’s to blame? I blame women. What? blame the victim? No. I am the victim. I am the victim because I refuse to be a walking penis. I refuse to put gel in my hair. I refuse to trademark profane fabrications of sexually explicit encounters. And women hate me for this, and love him for his successes in these regards. And therein lies the great contradiction of feminism. It is great fun to bash this guy as the poster boy for all male sleaziness, but if there weren’t so many women willing to sleep with him none of us would have anything to talk about. You can use that in your senior thesis if you like.

  19. C'06 Says:

    He seems just a little to femme to be taken seriously as a douche-anova. The tone of voice is just vaguely reminiscent of JD from scrubs. Watching the video, I just can’t take him seriously as a playa.

  20. C'06 Says:

    He seems just a little to femme to be taken seriously as a douche-anova. The tone of voice is just vaguely reminiscent of JD from scrubs. Watching the video, I just can’t take him seriously as a playa.

  21. He's gay Says:

    I’ve fucked him.

  22. He's gay Says:

    I’ve fucked him.

  23. Harvard '98 Says:

    Paul Janka was my Chem 10 lab partner, along with another guy. He was a year ahead of me. Smart guy, didn’t make any moves on me (then again, I was the classic bespectacled nerd girl at the time). It’s true, I did not think he was a very nice person; but that isn’t relevant when you’re just working on chem experiments and problem sets together.

    Someone above commented that he probably didn’t get laid at all at Harvard. I do remember thinking at the time that a guy with a personality like that would find it hard to get and keep a girlfriend. But apparently, a girlfriend is not what he’s after.

  24. Harvard '98 Says:

    Paul Janka was my Chem 10 lab partner, along with another guy. He was a year ahead of me. Smart guy, didn’t make any moves on me (then again, I was the classic bespectacled nerd girl at the time). It’s true, I did not think he was a very nice person; but that isn’t relevant when you’re just working on chem experiments and problem sets together.

    Someone above commented that he probably didn’t get laid at all at Harvard. I do remember thinking at the time that a guy with a personality like that would find it hard to get and keep a girlfriend. But apparently, a girlfriend is not what he’s after.

  25. Nakesha Nilges Says:

    Great site you have got here. Will keep coming reading these good articles you are going to write. Maybe you want to check out the commodity brokerage website.

  26. Nakesha Nilges Says:

    Great site you have got here. Will keep coming reading these good articles you are going to write. Maybe you want to check out the commodity brokerage website.

Leave a Reply

Login | Register | Leave Anonymous Comment