Harvard Student Elections: Please, Struggle to Care

Harvard Student Elections: Please, Struggle to CareNormally we try to keep our distance from student elections. After all, these kids will one day send us to war. But a Harvard correspondent tells us this year’s race deserves a few lines — and not just ’cause it’s Harvard!

The Crimson Crazies are five days into a seven-candidate fracas for the top student post. Why should 7/8ths of readers care? Because … um …

At any rate, here’s a breakdown of the candidates. (Note: Further proving the superiority of the female sex, only one of 14 presidential and VP candidates is a woman.)

Ostensibly the front-runners, Ryan Petersen (for president) and Matt Sundquist (for VP) are so smiley they might have a facial palsy. They’ve served their entire Harvard careers on the student government, actually doing good stuff like extending library hours and placing free condoms in the dorms (98 percent unused). But their campaign is about as inspiring as a Ziploc of mayonnaise. Slogan: “It’s about students.”

Other strong contenders are last year’s VP loser Tom Hadfield for prez and S. Adam Goldenberg for veep. Hadfield, who’s in his mid-20s, is best known for selling a soccer website for $40 million and for being in the same freshman tutorial as Kaavya Viswanathan. Goldenberg is almost 7 feet tall and, while admirably articulate and ambitious, may be hampered by his membership in a final club. Point: This team has the largest physical banner of any campaign, in canary yellow.

Ali Zaidi and Eddie Lee have a press secretary who writes “embargoed” press releases.

There are other candidates, like Amadi Anene and Kyle de Beausset, who have really nice personalities.

Tim Hwang and Alexander Wong are campaigning to disband the entire student government. They remind us of fun little kids who get off on craaaazyyyy things like pirates and non sequiturs. They ain’t got a shot, but kudos to these homeboys for keeping it real. As if there were any doubt, we’re endorsing the shit out of them.

24 Responses to “Harvard Student Elections: Please, Struggle to Care”

  1. Yale10 Says:

    …and we care…why? Your Harvard correspondent clearly forgot that no one except Harvard gives a crap about Harvard.

  2. Yale10 Says:

    …and we care…why? Your Harvard correspondent clearly forgot that no one except Harvard gives a crap about Harvard.

  3. Bagricula Says:

    Hwang/Wong 2006! The only non-UC ticket on the ballot! Kill the Undergraduate Council!

    IvyGate, you’re missing one ticket–Gillis-Wimberly.

  4. Bagricula Says:

    Hwang/Wong 2006! The only non-UC ticket on the ballot! Kill the Undergraduate Council!

    IvyGate, you’re missing one ticket–Gillis-Wimberly.

  5. Sam Jackson Says:

    Pail and Shovel. How many times do I have to say this? P&S will be making a comeback.

  6. Sam Jackson Says:

    Pail and Shovel. How many times do I have to say this? P&S will be making a comeback.

  7. H'asian Says:

    yay, anti-establishment Asians! No chance in hell that’s for sure, but it does spice up life in ways karaoke contests and all-you-can-eat-24-course-pan-
    asian-moon-festival-tiki-laka whatever never could.

  8. H'asian Says:

    yay, anti-establishment Asians! No chance in hell that’s for sure, but it does spice up life in ways karaoke contests and all-you-can-eat-24-course-pan-
    asian-moon-festival-tiki-laka whatever never could.

  9. blah Says:

    i loved how Hwang flicked off the audience at the UC debate! classic!

  10. blah Says:

    i loved how Hwang flicked off the audience at the UC debate! classic!

  11. Harvard Alumni For Truth Says:

    Harvard Alumni For Truth Call Upon UC Presidential Candidate Ryan Petersen to Come Clean About His Bearded Past

    //www.youtube.com./watch?v=aeTBLWvBp48

  12. Harvard Alumni For Truth Says:

    Harvard Alumni For Truth Call Upon UC Presidential Candidate Ryan Petersen to Come Clean About His Bearded Past

    //www.youtube.com./watch?v=aeTBLWvBp48

  13. littleivysnot Says:

    that’s clearly hilarious.

  14. littleivysnot Says:

    that’s clearly hilarious.

  15. blah Says:

    This is the most boring post you’ve had in a long time.

  16. blah Says:

    This is the most boring post you’ve had in a long time.

  17. Oh nos Says:

    I’m waiting for the cheating CU students’ post: //www.nytimes.com/2006/12/01/nyregion/01columbia.html?ref=education

  18. Oh nos Says:

    I’m waiting for the cheating CU students’ post: //www.nytimes.com/2006/12/01/nyregion/01columbia.html?ref=education

  19. I heard Says:

    Yifei Chen got a Dean to intervene and ended up with a spot on the Crimson’s board after all..

    ./blog/2006/11/unpromoted_crimson_editor_burns_bridges_collects_ashes_reburns_them_then_packs_ash_ashes_into_payload_of_nuclear_warhead_and_hurls_into_sun_1.html

  20. I heard Says:

    Yifei Chen got a Dean to intervene and ended up with a spot on the Crimson’s board after all..

    ./blog/2006/11/unpromoted_crimson_editor_burns_bridges_collects_ashes_reburns_them_then_packs_ash_ashes_into_payload_of_nuclear_warhead_and_hurls_into_sun_1.html

  21. Not true Says:

    Haha, hilarious. Certainly not true re: Yifei

  22. Not true Says:

    Haha, hilarious. Certainly not true re: Yifei

  23. Harvard10 Says:

    Yale10: dude, most of Harvard doesn’t give a crap about this either.

  24. Harvard10 Says:

    Yale10: dude, most of Harvard doesn’t give a crap about this either.

Leave a Reply

Login | Register | Leave Anonymous Comment