Normally we try to keep our distance from student elections. After all, these kids will one day send us to war. But a Harvard correspondent tells us this year’s race deserves a few lines — and not just ’cause it’s Harvard!
The Crimson Crazies are five days into a seven-candidate fracas for the top student post. Why should 7/8ths of readers care? Because … um …
At any rate, here’s a breakdown of the candidates. (Note: Further proving the superiority of the female sex, only one of 14 presidential and VP candidates is a woman.)
Ostensibly the front-runners, Ryan Petersen (for president) and Matt Sundquist (for VP) are so smiley they might have a facial palsy. They’ve served their entire Harvard careers on the student government, actually doing good stuff like extending library hours and placing free condoms in the dorms (98 percent unused). But their campaign is about as inspiring as a Ziploc of mayonnaise. Slogan: “It’s about students.”
Other strong contenders are last year’s VP loser Tom Hadfield for prez and S. Adam Goldenberg for veep. Hadfield, who’s in his mid-20s, is best known for selling a soccer website for $40 million and for being in the same freshman tutorial as Kaavya Viswanathan. Goldenberg is almost 7 feet tall and, while admirably articulate and ambitious, may be hampered by his membership in a final club. Point: This team has the largest physical banner of any campaign, in canary yellow.
Ali Zaidi and Eddie Lee have a press secretary who writes “embargoed” press releases.
There are other candidates, like Amadi Anene and Kyle de Beausset, who have really nice personalities.
Tim Hwang and Alexander Wong are campaigning to disband the entire student government. They remind us of fun little kids who get off on craaaazyyyy things like pirates and non sequiturs. They ain’t got a shot, but kudos to these homeboys for keeping it real. As if there were any doubt, we’re endorsing the shit out of them.