Harvard's punch season is upon us, so now is as good a time as ever to revisit last year's Isis flap. (We'll say it again: we were born a year late.) Long story short, the Isis, one of Harvard's sororities, accidentally left its "punch book," a forum where sisters commented on each punch candidate, accessible on the web. Punchers got drilled for "fake smiling," having a "self-serving attitude," or "trying way way way too hard" -- and the whole world knew it. Cattiness abounded, reputations crumbled, hilarity ensued.

A Harvard tipster points out that one puncher -- you'll never guess who -- was described as "the NEXT BIG THING and it would be a coup to have her in the club," although she's "a little awkward. I thought so after the first event but was also suayed [sic] by her air of sophistication and fashion sense."

Awkward? Fashionable? THE NEXT BIG THING?! We'll kill the suspense and reveal, with the wisdom of hindsight, that Ms. Kaavya Viswanathan is now a proud Isis member. When this season's punch book gets leaked, we'll be sure to vet it for, uh, similarities to last year's.

Obsessed as we are with the Kaavya Viswanathan of the moment, we almost forgot to keep tabs on Kaavya 1.0!

The critically acclaimed author of How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life has resurfaced with what we believe is her first piece of post-plagiarism writing: a profile of Janet Hanson for a glossy magazine put out by Harvard Undergraduate Women in Business.

Our verdict: Not a bad piece, really -- guess Kaavya can write after all. Except she kinda buries the lede:

"When asked what piece of advice she would give other aspiring businesswomen, Janet doesn't hesitate. 'Maintain integrity at all costs,' she says. 'Personal integrity is the most important quality anyone can have, no matter what you're doing. You need people who will recommend you without a single reservation.' "

Too late, Janet. Too late.

[PDFs: Part 1 | Part 2]

As the children of fair Harvard returned to the womb this week, the winds of Rumour brought us good news in e-mail form:

To: IvyGate@gmail.com
From: xxxx@fas.harvard.edu
Date: Sep 13, 2006 1:49 AM
Subject: She's baaaack!!

Returning from a little welcome back party at the Phoenix--the Euro-trashiest of final clubs--and who was holding down at the bar? Ms. Kaavya Viswanathan.

Joe* [to guest]: "You getting a drink?"

Joe spots Kaavya. Kaavya smiles.

Joe: "Oh. Well, I know you are."

Welcome back, Kaavya. Holler some time, the drink's on us.

(*name changed)

Ah, late summer! What a time to work for a daily Ivy newspaper. The semester's about to start, you've spent all summer relaxing with a leisurely weekly publication schedule, and you just can't wait to get after that breaking news!

But ... what's that noise, you ask? That stinging sensation? Oh, nothing, it's only Laura McGann bitch-slapping the shit out of you. The Northwestern (graduate) journalism student scooped the national press in mid-August, when sh'all was sleepin', by revealing that the federal Department of Education has been sharing data from hundreds of student loan applications with the FBI for almost five years. McGann's blockbuster story (it got red-faced pickup in the Chronicle of Higher Ed yesterday and the New York Times today) sets the bar for investigative student journalism, topping David Zhou's Kaavyabomb in the Crimson last semester.

Tough act to follow, Ivy reporters. And you're supposed to be tops in the game. Looks like you've got your work cut out for you!