Anonymous Yalies railed against the “invasions of crowds from such lowbrow places as the Bronx” in a Monday New York Post article. Mrs. Harrison DeSilver (according to New York Magazine’s Daily Intel, this is the name of an architecture firm upstate and not a well-chosen pseudonym) says:

I just want to put my feet up here, but instead, weddings are being shipped down from The Bronx

The article contains more grousing about the Bronx as well as descriptions of the Yale Club’s exclusive accommodations (beds! a gym! a place to eat! a basement dungeon!). Daily Intel’s analysis of the article suggests that disgruntled club members are actually upset about sharing facilities with the UVA Club and the Dartmouth Club and not the occasional plebeian wedding. Daily Intel says:

The tabloid cries snobbery! Except they’ve got it all WRONG. It makes the Yale Club sound racist or something, because presumably they’re not talking about all of the Yale alumni up in Riverdale. But total strangers can only usually use the club when there are weddings or other major events. They’re not the ones in the swimming pool or at the gym. No, club members are annoyed by a different kind of crowd — non-Yalies who get in with reciprocal agreements from Dartmouth and UVA. Elis don’t have a snobby Bronx problem, they have a perfectly understandable safety-school problem.

Are Yalies upset about sharing their facilities with Dartmouth and UVA grads? Maybe. But in the Post article they’re mostly upset about “weddings being shipped down,” “the practice of renting out rooms to the public,” and outsiders staying overnight and using up all the space.

In the fall of 2002, I considered suing the Yale Club of New York.  Like many other misguided young men and women, I had applied to Yale early. My grades were stellar, my looks impeccable, and my extra-curriculars well above par. But my interview at the Yale Club went terribly, and I didn’t get in. I kept telling everyone that my deferral was due to the simple fact that the Yale Club – with callous, wanton negligence – had failed to provide me with enough caffeine to ace the interview.  The coffee was practically decaffeinated.  My college adviser offered some sage advice: “Sue them.”

I looked into a lawsuit.  I was told that the damages could be enormous: besides the loss of income resulting from my lack of a Yale degree, I was an emotional wreck.  I could no longer work my three-hour a week job as a baby-sitter at my synagogue.  Instead I was forced to edit and re-edit various college applications, at great cost to my mental health as well as to my fiscal well-being.

Unfortunately, my potential lawsuit was swimming against a harsh tide. We were in the midst of a Republican-led backlash against the happy-go-lucky, freewheeling lawsuit era of the 90’s (“the Clinton years,” as I used to say so derisively).  Courts were increasingly unfriendly to even super valid lawsuits like my own. I kept hearing things about “tort reform” and “trial lawyers” and “attorney fees.”  In the end, I decided not to risk it.

So it is with a sense of justice served that I’ve learned that my hero, right-wing nutjob, frequent WSJ contributor, ex-Supreme Court nominee, and all-around schlimazel Robert Bork, is now suing the Yale Club.

Last June, Bork spoke at an event held at the Yale Club.  While attempting to “mount the dais” to address the audience (the phrase “mount the dais” is used no less than nine times in his brief complaint), Bork fell, striking his leg on the stage and his head on a heat register.  Bork then managed to deliver his entire speech to an undoubtedly captivated audience.

Tragically, as a result of his fall, Bork suffered a hematoma in his lower left leg, which required surgery and physical therapy. According to Bork’s suit, filed in federal court in Manhattan, the club is guilty of “gross negligence” for not providing steps and a handrail.  Bork, a former Yale professor who has since moved to more intellectually gratifying digs at the Ave Maria School of Law – a brand-new, obviously prestigious program, located in the heart of rural Michigan and founded by the owner of Domino’s Pizza, sure to give Regent University a run for its money as top theocratic diploma-mill - is seeking over a million dollars in damages.

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