The thrills of this year’s commencement exercises clogged up our emotions here at IvyGate. And by emotions, I mean health. With all those stabs at the swine flu and the poor Ivy Leaguers stuck in quarantine, some virus sought revenge on at least one IvyGater. (Guess who.)

So most humble apologies for being out of commission this week. As some of our contributors are taking the big walk this year, we’re going to take another few days to do the family thing. We’ll be back June 15 under the leadership of a new team of summer editors. I’ll make the announcement once things have been finalized, but suffice it to say the application process is now closed.

In the meantime, here are the top stories from this past semester for you to munch on:

• 1. Dartmouth Students Jump to Racist Conclusions About New President: 12,000 views for the we-hate-Asians response from a student humor group after the election of Jim Yong Kim to Dartmouth’s highest office.
• 2. How To Get Into An Ivy League School: A Step-by-Step Guide Featuring Testimony From a Real, Live Silver-Spoon Legacy and a Racial Minority! 10,200 views for admissions tips that work.
• 3. Jessica Alba Visits Yale Secret Society, Members Panic and Leak Pictures from Inside the Hall: 9,010 views for America’s favorite Invisible Girl inside Yale’s flimsiest society.
• 4. Yale Group Releases Racy (or -ist?) “Single Asians” Video: 9,000 views for an annoying song and dance with black-face implications.
• 5. How To Sneak Into The Ivy League, Or Why Columbia Is Not As Selective As You Think It Is: 8,000 views to get you a Morningside Heights address with little effort.

After the jump, a few of our favorite posts, the hot comments boards, and a close up from yet another picture inside a secret society.

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Fantastic Four star and teenage boy fantasy Jessica Alba recently made a visit to suddenly very hip Wolf’s Head Society. According to a tipster, husband and “budding producer” Cash Warren ‘01 brought her along for some elite treats out of plastic cups, weird games with sleepy-time masks, and photo ops. We can thank the latter for a peek inside the Hall (and Alba’s see-through dress).

While you can find pictures of Jessica Alba in any Maxim magazine, the shots inside of the Hall rank a bit higher than bathroom reading. But just a bit. There’s a framed picture of a letter to Yale President Richard Levin—that looks exactly as you’d expect a framed picture of a letter to look. Props to the photog for nailing that William Eggleston look in the boardroom shot. And the basement, well, it has that Yale feel to it: dark, Gothic, always morally bankrupt.

***Note: Stuffed wolf body but stuffed cougar (yes, it’s a cougar) head? What gives?

Here’s the part where everyone’s an investigatory journalist. What was the stripper wearing in the eye-mask scene??? From the expression on LBD girl in the background (center-left) who looks like a Looney Tunes die-hard, it’s probably an Elmer Fudd kind of thing—floppy hat, bell end gun, and accompanying insinuations—and she’s just recognized the speech impediment. Dude next to her recognized it, too.

After the jump, photos inside the Wolf’s Head Society and some surprisingly trustworthy captions about what’s actually happening in them.

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