There's about 5 hours left for excusable shenanigans this year, and we double dare you to impress us. Because so far, this year's April Fools' Day has in no way involved subway trains springing from the ground, the Taco Liberty Bell, Smellovision, or anything else that actually fooled or entertained. The most interesting pitiful prank in our narrow yet elite frame comes from Unigo, that site that sounds like a Japanese clothing chain but isn't.

On the tails of all those racist emails and Ivy League denials, Unigo created a listing for Cornmouth because evidently Dartmouth and Cornell have merged due to their "flaccid endowments." Yes, Unigo. That quote got you the prize. This little slice of truth for the rejects out there is also not bad:

Cornmouth is a member of the Ivy League, which means that it is prohibitively expensive and filled with people who are smarter than we are. The guy who smokes pot 10-15 times a day, often out of a piece of fruit, is smarter than we are... The fellow who wears an eye patch for nonmedical reasons and literally changed his name (first and last) to "Why" is smarter than we are. These awful people are just some of the reasons you will not get into Cornmouth.

As for the real Cornell, the Daily Sun did an awesome job ripping off the Guardian's Twitter fakeout. Then there's the Harvard alum who painstakingly Harvardized the style of the Drudge Report into a wine guide. And we're still wondering who thought Photoshopping a CGI catapult into a picture of Brown's campus and then talking about the SDS would be funny. Probably the same dude that's smoking pot out of fruit.

(Editor's note: Gone are days when Facebook pokes were real, and Brunonians took the resultant sex jokes to their proper climax. Maybe Easter will be funny?)

Do you ever have great ideas for future businesses? Me too! But while I'm trying to settle on a name for my 2.0 erotic literature site, guys like Jordan Goldman are actually starting real companies. Goldman, Wesleyan '04, just launched Unigo, a site that's kind of like CollegeHumor without the boobs or jokes. The website, which Goldman considers more a "national grassroots movement" than a website, is essentially an online student guidebook: it contains brief staff-generated descriptions of the colleges and a growing amount of student commentary. That's right: students are logging onto this site and reviewing their colleges (and posting pictures and videos). Let's see what they're saying:

Alli at Columbia:

Columbia social life is what you make of it. At a glance it is incredibly lame, but if you meet the right people and can make your own fun it is a great time. The Greek life seems to be run but neonazi's as there is basically no such thing as a frat party anymore. There seems to be a war on fun at our school and I hear people complaining all the time. There are ways around it and as I said if you know the right people and put yourself out there, a good time can be had.

War? Nazis? Frat parties? Columbia exactly.

After the jump, Lamonster laments the exodus of Harvard grads into i-banking (I think this was posted before September).
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