Indonesia is the world's fourth-largest country by population. By most other measures, it kind of sucks.

But try telling that to Indonesia.

Earlier this year, the Yale Center for Environmental Law and Policy released its annual ranking of countries for their environmental practices, weighing carbon and sulfur emissions, water purity and conservation.  Of 149 countries, Indonesia was ranked as only the 102nd best at saving its natural environment, dragged down by its, um, rapacious destruction of trees.

This did not sit well with Indonesia's State Minister of the Environment, a man named Rachmat Witoelar. Though the results came out in January, Witoelar apparently just found out about them, telling the Jakarta Post that the libelous rankings recently arrived on his desk in "the July 7-14 edition" of Newsweek.

"The report is not fair. It is absurd because all the data is invalid. I will send my special staff to Yale to protest their researchers," he said.

Hopefully, Yale will take this very special threat seriously.

Reaching out a spindly branch all the way from California, the infamous Stanford Tree has granted us an exclusive interview from the temperate, leaf-strewn hideaway where he vertically awaits his punishment from the NCAA for this colorful episode.

We knew he was our kind of conifer right away:

To: IvyGate <IvyGate@gmail.com>
From: Tree <xxxx@stanford.edu>
Date: Sept. 2, 2006 7:12 p.m.
Subject: Re: interview

Usually I shoot up before doing phone interviews, and it's a little early on the west coast.  If you want to email me some questions I can get to them when I'm good and drunk, or we could try the phone one of your early mornings/my late nights.

-Tree

On to the Q&A, with more after the jump.

[UPDATE 1:29 p.m.: Tree checks in: "fyouri, i'm keeping my shit on legit: stanfordtree.com."]

IvyGate: So what species of tree are you?
Tree: I am a masters student that wears 35 pounds of Jo-Ann's fabric mixed with aluminum, plastic tubes, and duct tape. What is this some kind of game to you?

If we tapped you, like for syrup, what kind of liquor would come out?
Absinthe. Straight from my wormwood.

Are there any traditions that come with being the Tree? Aside from, you know, being shitfaced 24 hours a day?
Soon as I step on the scene I'm hearing hoochies screaming. Plus hell of free gear from Nike and Converse.

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