Oh, Harvard and your “wit”! At Harvard’s Housing Day — where freshmen are assigned their houses for the rest of their undergrad careers — Leverett House was associated with t-shirts joking about September 11. As an email from Leverett’s faculty advisers, exclusively received by IvyGate, calls the shirts:

fake Leverett T-shirts [...] making a connection between our towers and 9/11.

The Harvard Housing Day website reads:

Each house has its own limited-edition Housing Day t-shirt (or sometimes better… get them polos, Dunster!)

The Housing Day t-shirts for Leverett — or fakes distributed by a rival house, it seems Leverett is claiming? — drew a comparison between Leverett’s Towers (one of which is pictured) and the, um, Twin Towers. Wow, topped even Yale’s “pussy” t-shirts this time, Harvard! Is this the legacy of the Lampoon — humorless, arch referencing of national tragedy? Parody is funny, but this is just boring and predictable. Say the administrators:

But we are also proud of the Leverett House Committees and students who have, year after year, produced shirts that have been clever but not tasteless, and funny without poking fun AT anyone.

There’s that Harvard spirit! The full email from Leverett administrators, after the jump.

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While we mentioned this in yesterday’s RagTime, we had to say a little bit more on the Princeton students who really want you to know about how very hard they’re working for jobs in banking — and their altruistic reasons for doing so. Says future finance intern Sean Pi, whom the Princetonian writer introduces taking a $300 cab ride from JFK to Princeton:

It’s extremely stressful… It does become a very precarious balancing act, trying to go to all your classes and making sure you get to all the interviews. And being prepared for the interviews, too — that’s a big thing.

Yes, carrying a multitude of responsibilities is stressful! We appreciate Pi’s difficulties — and his race into his French classroom from the airport cab [seriously, $300, though? He could have used, like, NJ Transit or whatever...] Especially given that he is trying to convey a totally disparate reality than the one that exists in his job interviews:

‘[Money] is a very, very big reason’ for entering investment banking and consulting, Pi said. ‘But in interviews, [students] will try very hard to convey that they’re not in it for the money.’

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Harvard Magazine brings us the very special story of a group of people who don’t get the credit or respect they deserve. We’re talking about Harvard undergraduates. We connect you to their second-person singular, for some reason?, account of the life of Becky Cooper ‘10, pictured.

You wake up each morningwith a fever; you feel like a shadow of yourself. But no time for sickness today—the Adams House intramural crew has one of its thrice-weekly practices at 6a.m., and you…will…row. Some mornings, you watch the sunrise from Lamont Library after hitting your study groove there around 11 the night before and bushwhacking through assignments during the quiet time between 3 a.m. and 5.

Good thing none of “your” commitments sound as if they’re exactly… um… non-skippable. The indefatigible Cooper has

hosted a two-hour weekly jazz show on WHRB, and as a freshman acted in Ivory Tower, the long-running Harvard TV soap opera viewable on YouTube. (Last summer, she also acted in an independent film shot by a friend in Miami, learning American Sign Language for the part.) In the summer of 2007, Cooper tasted some ravishing ravioli di zucca (pumpkin)—“I was in heaven”—and determined to learn Italian and cook in Italy.

Where does she find the time… to be totally self-indulgent, all the time! Like, ugh, maybe if you’re “constantly sick,” take it as a warning sign and call off your food column in the Crimson rather than bragging to an alumni magazine about how scattered and distracted your attentions constantly are? You’re already into Harvard. There’s nothing to prove, dear. And this continues for SIX PAGES. I think I’m the one with the fever — I am out of things to say, so I am but a shadow of the blogger I once knew. And I slept the normal, human amount last night!

You’re welcome, Internet. IvyGate’s oldest and greatest friend and triumph, deluded megalomaniac Aleksey Vayner, will be bringing his own special brand of hilarious douchebaggery to ROFLCON 2010, in April at MIT.

For those who don’t remember, Vayner was the 2006 Yalie whose blustery and lie-filled video resume (“Impossible is Nothing”), fake charity, hedge-fund, and holocaust memoir took the Internet by storm after we dug up all sorts of hilarity. Good times… He threatened to sue us, leading to a highly-publicized online battle. Thanks for that, man. And since public self-promotion worked so well for you the first time, I’m sure this 4chan-style conference is a great idea, and that you’ll be taken very seriously. According to their website, ROFLCON is

Another two days and two nights of the most epic internet culture conference ever assembled. Informed commentators suggest that this may be the most important gathering of humanity since the fall of the tower of Babel. And yes, we’re still looking to get Goatse.

At least Goatse was up-front about where he stood. At the conference, Aleksey will be

discussing what he’s been up to since those fateful months, the issues around privacy online and crisis management, and recounting and reflecting on the experience of being swept up in the middle of the memetic storm.

Did somebody say “comeback”??? Aleksey, the only way you could get more IvyGate-y would be by marrying Lena Chen.

Bostonist alerts us to the sad, strange saga of two Harvard Crimsoners who decide to go on an expedition to that far-flung land of the Houyhnhnms Tufts Jumbos. Turns out, the party scene at Tufts on Valentine’s Day (huh?!) is no better than Harvard’s. Okay! Did the Crimson put two investigative reporters on the case, or were these two exciting, worldly people (who for some reason took a “$15 cab ride,” all right, Harvard, to a place that commenters note is easily accessible by T) just going to Tufts anyway? They may as well have written their article before they left Cambridge for the night; count the cliches in this excerpt alone!

Three girls pirouetted violently on the dance floor while a frazzled frat brother nursed a paper cup. A collection of listless sorority girls loitered in the hallway, coats on as if about to leave. We sauntered past lots of rooms, some with people in them, none with anyone even close to making out. Oddly it reminded us of Revenge of the Nerds.

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As much as we enjoy deriding communism, anti-Americanism and childish victimism, hypocrisy definitely takes the cake; if you’re going to spout morally and ideologically bankrupt drivel, then at least do so genuinely. That is, don’t be like the wannabe commies at Keep Building Brown (KBB), who, it turns out, fashioned their utopian Ivy League manifesto for a class.

So kids, will you share your project with the rest of homeroom?:

KBB is a critique of capitalism and the University system as a manifestation and a manufacturer of that system.

But not so fast proletarians! In Brown’s classes server for “Course MCM 1700: Radical Media,” we find the “Anti-Capitalist Group” responsible for KBB, describing their project in the “Student Work” section. Personal statements, laudatory website stats (self-promotion whee!) and hilarious pics abound.

The Red Menace has no clothes: Keep Building Brown are just academia-enslaved attention-whores in denial. Check the wiki for a deeper and even more inane summary of the ridiculous revolutionaries’ improbable and incongruous mission, which manifested in lame protests, disruptively loud “audio detournement” (what?), and general 9th-grade angst earlier this year.

So, Gabriel Doss, Monica Garcia, Crow Jonah Norlander, Julian Park and Tracy Szatan (web-celebs!), why did you fight the law, and who won?

Our project was initially conceived of as a timely disruption intended to trivialize the importance students give to finals period, grades, education, success, wealth, and so on

The irony—of so-called anti-academic provocateurs, decrying grade-grubbing and the monolithic “system” for a graded class project, posted on a student wiki—is so very delicious. But apparently, the hypocritical/hipolitical Brunonians are smarmy enough to admit it. Check out how trendy and ironic these kids’ political views are after the jump.

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It’s no secret that many frat parties are privy to bullish meatheads, jostling and yelling at one other in a desperate attempt to earn masculinity points; it just never occurred to me that you could make artwork out of it. (After all, Yale and art have a rather tenuous relationship.) I guess that’s why I’m not a creative genius, like artist and filmmaker Richard Mosse, who has given us the ingeniously simple “Fraternity.” In the short film, he challenges a group of brothers at Yale’s oldest and meatiest jock fraternity, DKE, to scream at the camera, as loudly and for as long as possible; winner gets bragging rights. The big boys heartily oblige. And why not? As Mosse explains:

The men were happy to participate in the project in exchange for a keg of beer.

The rules:

They compete against each other to shout or scream the loudest and for the longest time. When they cannot scream any longer they must stop, and cannot begin again.

The piece, beautifully shot, starts off hilarious, then enters the sublime, and finally, vaguely disturbs. This shit is primal. The triumphant, longest lasting bro screams as if giving birth, his face turning beet-red, and sweat (tears?) beading down his cheeks. Snuff-film associations abound, as well as a discomfiting sense of visual assault. Most worrying of all? Mosse hits the nail on the head:

DKE (pronounced Deke) stands for Delta Kappa Epsilon, and counts five US presidents in its alumni, including George Bush Jr, George Bush Sr, Gerald Ford and Theodore Roosevelt. Other famous Dekes include three Justices of the US Supreme Court, one Vice President, and countless State Governors, Senators and Speakers.

In short, this is something that every Ivy Leaguer should see, not just for its visceral minimalism and artistic oomph, but also to spur an intense appreciation for every single one of your IQ points.

(N.B.: I definitely called the winner from the get-go. Can you?)

(h/t Pablo Torre)

Controversial Yale alum Hyder Akbar (or friends thereof) is infiltrating and undermining the cyber-symbiosis of Wikipedia.

According to a Wikipedia editor-turned-whistleblower, Hyder’s Wikipedia entry is being mysteriously and repeatedly cleansed of any reference to his unfortunate arson incident.

Usernames ‘Brucebruceemily1,’ Brucebruceemily12‘, ‘Brucebruceemily123,’ (points for variety), and ‘Okaythen1‘ have been particularly delete-key-happy, at all hours of the day and night. Their nemeses, the honest Wikipedian editors, are at their wits’ end. One of them, ‘Hellomontana‘, pleads to the censors:

Don’t take off this part, it’s well documented and relevant.

Thus ensues a repeated back-and-forth copy/pasting duel. All in all, the flag-burning incident has been deleted from the site over eight times. One Hyder-happy censor even replaced a sentence about the obviously-significant crime with a list of his literary accolades. (How helpful!) An editor of the embattled page, clearly frustrated, contacted us with the story.

Nothing warms our hearts more than finding out that our old friends are keeping busy: namely, by editing teh Internet and crafting misleading online articles in order to self-promote and dodge public responsibility for drunken disrespectfulness. But if you thought there was nothing less classy than creating and editing your own hagiographical Wikipedia page (or burning a flag during wartime), then check out Hyder’s own ironic, pretentious, anti-American, and yet hilarious words, along with the Yale connection. After the jump.

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Princeton freshman Diane Metcalf-Leggette is suing the university for not allowing her extra time on exams. Citing a learning disability, Metcalf-Leggette claimed that without the special concessions she might not do well on her midterms.

It’s called freshman year, Diane.  Most people don’t do well on their first midterms.

But really, there’s a bigger issue at stake. The place for learning disabilities on campus is generally drowning in a vat of amphetamine-soaked distrust. Diagnoses are diagnoses, right? Metcalf-Leggette has a whole bunch of them. According to The Prince:

Metcalf-Leggette’s complaint asserted that she has four learning disabilities, which were diagnosed in 2003: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), mixed-receptive-expressive language disorder, disorder of written expression and developmental coordination disorder. The conditions, according to the complaint, hinder her ability to focus, process information and communicate in writing.

So should the University trust the doctors and give this girl some help? Oh wait, they already do.

The University currently accommodates Metcalf-Leggette’s disabilities by offering her a “reduced distraction testing environment,” a limit of one exam per day and a 10-minute break each hour, the law journal reported.

Get to know the Americans with Disabilities Act and fury of testing the Tiger after the jump.

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A couple of days ago, a drunk Harvard Law grad Brian Schroeder burned down a chapel containing the remains of and memorials to unidentified 9/11 victims. Schroeder turned himself into police soon thereafter and posted the $3,000 bail Sunday night.

The remains managed to make it out unscathed thanks to some badass, apparently fireproof chambers made to protect the DNA that might one day identify the victims. The wooden benches, cards, photos, flowers, and other painfully sweet memorials, however, did not have badass, fireproof containers. They were destroyed.

Of course, Schroeder’s friends and family think he’s a real stand-up guy and that the incident was somewhat out of character. According to his mother:

[Brian] doesn’t really have any explanation or memory of what took place. Now, he’s just trying to minimize the damage to his career and make amends. You know, take responsibility and move on.

Do go on, Mrs. Schroeder…

I’m appalled and my heart goes out to [the families who had built memorials to loved ones lost in the 9/11 attacks at the E. 30 St. chapel]. Because I know it’s basically like a cemetery and a memorial that’s so very important. I just cannot imagine, nor can he, why he would have done that.

Bingo. Why would you do that? Seriously, dude, burning down a cemetery/memorial is not a funny prank. This is a somewhat funny, Ivy League prank. But let’s go on the record and just say stop trying, Ivy League-rs. Or you will lose your job and your six-figure salary. Like Brian did.

Oh, and it might help if you stopped wearing those Ed Hardy t-shirts. That shit is made of the devil’s old underwear or something.