A couple of days ago, a drunk Harvard Law grad Brian Schroeder burned down a chapel containing the remains of and memorials to unidentified 9/11 victims. Schroeder turned himself into police soon thereafter and posted the $3,000 bail Sunday night.

The remains managed to make it out unscathed thanks to some badass, apparently fireproof chambers made to protect the DNA that might one day identify the victims. The wooden benches, cards, photos, flowers, and other painfully sweet memorials, however, did not have badass, fireproof containers. They were destroyed.

Of course, Schroeder's friends and family think he's a real stand-up guy and that the incident was somewhat out of character. According to his mother:

[Brian] doesn't really have any explanation or memory of what took place. Now, he's just trying to minimize the damage to his career and make amends. You know, take responsibility and move on.

Do go on, Mrs. Schroeder...

I'm appalled and my heart goes out to [the families who had built memorials to loved ones lost in the 9/11 attacks at the E. 30 St. chapel]. Because I know it's basically like a cemetery and a memorial that's so very important. I just cannot imagine, nor can he, why he would have done that.

Bingo. Why would you do that? Seriously, dude, burning down a cemetery/memorial is not a funny prank. This is a somewhat funny, Ivy League prank. But let's go on the record and just say stop trying, Ivy League-rs. Or you will lose your job and your six-figure salary. Like Brian did.

Oh, and it might help if you stopped wearing those Ed Hardy t-shirts. That shit is made of the devil's old underwear or something.

People who think the surreal but entertaining high school drama of bad teen movies end after "Pomp and Circumstance" stops playing obviously haven't been to Princeton. An anonymous source recently called out a group of freshman girls who have been referring to themselves as "The Tribe" around campus. Perhaps trying to fight the widespread notion that Princeton girls are the fugliest in comparison with the sexier Ivies by proclaiming themselves as the hottest girls at Princeton, Regina George and company appear to be taking full advantage of rush week and using their marketing prowess to gain entry into one of the exclusive sororities on campus (cross your fingers for Kappa!). Apparently, the girls not only seek exclusivity in social organizations, but also in choice of sexual partners, according to the source, who claims:

They have decided that they are so hot that they will only hook up with legacies and athletes.

Feign surprise at Princeton exclusivity after the jump.

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To those insane enough to still want to date someone from Princeton, Yale, et al. after attending an Ivy, a new, more blatantly bourgeois dating service now caters specifically to those elitist desires. According to their mission statement, the Ivy Plus Society, also referred to as TIPS (we couldn't have come up with a more ironic acronym if we tried) aims at creating "a community of talented, dynamic individuals" with 75% of their members claiming single status. Most likely an attempt to encourage genetically customizing future purebred offspring, the new venture founded by Jennifer Wilde Anderson, Yale '01, that stole Harvard's final club/Princeton's eating club concept targets recent alumni from the Ivies as well as their "plus" counterparts, such as Duke and Berkeley. The seemingly arbitrary qualifications even reach across the pond, with the London School of Economics making the list. Taking a Sex and the City approach to elitism and the dating scene, Ivy Plus assures the hesitant with promises of "fabulous":

[W]e all need a few nights to set the roof on fire and fill-up [sic] a glass or three with a dash of chaos & adventure.

Read the New York Times response after the jump.

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Great news for the guy in lecture who's been blocking everyone else behind him with his eight popped collars--douche is in this season! The New York Observer recently declared Ivy League fashion the trend of this fall, beckoning in a new era of flagrant assholery.

Defining "trad" as an "Ivy League-inflected style that's managed to retain an old-school sensibility without seeming dated or costumelike," writer Joe Pompeo immediately goes on to contradict himself:

Think Oxford button-downs (and that’s real button-downs, meaning collars that button down, not simply dress shirts, to which the term is often misapplied). Natural-shouldered blazers. Flat-front khaki trousers. Loafers. Bow ties, rep ties. Polo shirts in solid colors. Lots of madras plaid. Early Brooks Brothers. New England WASPs. F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Does the sidekick monkey come with the outfit? Read more after the jump.

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Brown is the douchiest school in the country, according to GQ. Princeton is number three. Harvard is number four. Does this seem wrong? Keep reading, Deep Springs grads. It gets worse.

Just before the station wagon left the IvyGate garage, GQ published a "heavily researched, possibly stereotyped, but still accurate guide" to the nation's 25 Douchiest Colleges. In their own words, the GQ editors observe the inherent paradox of the douche:

The question isn't whether you're a douche bag when you go to college. We were all kind of douche bags when we went to college, if we're going to be honest about it. No, the question for America's youth is: What kind of douche bag do you aspire to be?

Gottseidank Yalies, Dartmutts, and Columbians, you're off the hook. Harvardians, Princetonians, and Brunonians are not so lucky. Cornell, Penn: honorable mentions don't always need mentioning.

After the jump, what's wrong with the list, and what you can do about it.

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Lately, everyone’s been going on about how they wish they could hate Nick McDonell, Harvard ’07, whose third novel, An Expensive Education, came out earlier this month. They want to hate him, interestingly enough, for the exact reasons they want to hate the Ivy League: rich, connected, intelligent, internationally famous, good-looking, well endow—um, you get the picture.

Just like wait-listed Harvard hopefuls who secretly despise their already accepted classmates, many of McDonell’s latest interviewers haven’t quite been able to mask their sheer loathing for the lot they’ve been cast. Oh no, of course they’re not bitter. Not when the New York Times journalist deems McDonell’s background “insufferable” and calls him out on having (wait for it!) used family connections for summer internships.  I know! Surely you too are shocked.
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Remember a time when all you had to do to get a job was be a white male Ivy League graduate and show up? Not since 2004 have such impressive qualifications given you a shot at even the presidency, let alone any other job. In today's tough climate for the white male it's up to the AMC show Mad Men to remind us of how good things used to be. And man, do caucasians love this show.

The third season of the award-winning show premiered last Sunday, and every week for the next three months we will be transported back to the 1960s. It was a time when everyone smoked, "diversity" meant hiring Italians, getting drunk at 10 a.m. was a good day, and cheating on your wife and mistress with a prostitute was the rule. In honor of the third season of this ode to status and excess, we've put together a list to help readers put a face to an alma mater. Hopefully, it'll reinforce some stereotypes as well. Go to red spoiler alert! Read the rest of this entry »

Harvard University is the biggest name in higher education. Harvard University is also flat broke. Putting the two together, Harvard has come up with a way to make easy money: by trademarking phrases and images associated with the University. Of course, nearly every university trademarks its name and major symbols (Columbia's crown and lion, for instance). It's a way for colleges to keep their images from being used unlawfully, as well as earn some extra cash from licensing the trademarks for use on sportswear and NBC comedies.

But whereas most universities trademark only a handful of items--name, seal, athletics logo, maybe the motto--Harvard is trademarking everything and anything they've used or even might use in the future. Phrases and words that are now Harvard property include "Ask what you can do", "Lessons learned", "Pocket mentor", "The Harvard Student-Led Walking Tour", and "Hahvahd." Applications are pending on "Managing yourself" and "The world's thinking," the latter of which has never even been used by the university. Though according to Rick Calixto, director of the Harvard Trademark Program, that's not an issue.

"You need to reserve something in case you intend to use it,. . .We’re strategically protecting it for use at some point down the line."

Of course, if Harvard wanted a trademark on something that's sure to be used in the future, they wouldn't have trademarked "The world's thinking," but instead "What in the world is Harvard thinking?" Some of Harvard's professors are even asking that last question.

“Universities should not be in the business of locking words down,’’ said Harvard computer science professor Harry Lewis. . . “We’re in the business of enlightening the world. To lock down common English phrases seems to be antithetical to the spirit of what universities are supposed to be about.’’

Actually, that's the spirit of what European universities are about. In America, colleges are about making money.

This is certainly a brilliant get-rich-quick scheme Harvard has come up with. Ralph Kramden would be proud. However, like all of Gleason's plans on The Honeymooners, there's still a good chance it will go wrong and Harvard will threaten to send Wellesley to the moon. Each of the over 100 trademarks Harvard owns costs thousands of dollars to protect in the United States and internationally. There are trademarks that nobody else will use ("A self-guided walking tour of Harvard Yard") and Harvard cannot earn money on them by licensing or suing. Also, there's this Harvard Trademark Program full of people drawing ridiculous salaries.

If Harvard wants to avoid digging an even deeper money pit (literally), they need to get more creative with their trademarks in order to ensure they make money. Read the rest of this entry »

One of the hot new blogs on the interblag--especially in my hometown--is Spotted: D.C. Summer Interns. Basically, every summer brings a new batch of college interns to Washington to work on and around Capitol Hill. And every summer, the interns screw up the city for D.C. residents with their arrogant behavior, clueless actions, and passion for getting smashed. The D.C. Interns blog is for the locals to strike back by chronicling the infuriating behavior of these interns, many of whom only got their menial labor positions through family connections rather than merit. Obviously, some of these interns are Ivy Leaguers.

We know that Ivy League students can utter idiotic statements. And the posted incidents (or interncidents) are quite ridiculous, such as thinking the U.S. Capitol is the White House and expecting Starbucks to make his coffee orders gratis. But as of today, only one anecdote lists the offending intern as an Ivy League student.

Last summer in an East-Coast Senate office, we had an intern from a prestigious Ivy League school, who definitely fit the bill as a "smart dumb kid." Proving the phrase "you never know who you're going to see, so watch your behavior," he was spotted after work at a Nationals game. It was apparent that he had a bit too much to drink, but what happened at the game is not the point, it's how he got home. Said intern was living in Rockville for the summer. The next morning when I told him I saw him at the game the night before, he chuckled in an embarrassed fashion and went on to explain that he took a cab home after the game...not the Metro which was still running after the game ended. Apparently his friends paid the cab driver before they left, but he went on to pay again at the end of the trip. He did not discuss or even dispute the fare, and paid the cab driver not $25 (which is still a bit much), but $135!

In his defense, the best way to get through a Nationals game is to be completely wasted.

As most of the posts relate spontaneous occurrences and overheard idiotic statements, the alma maters of the offending interns are not often stated. Fortunately for us, one Ivy Leaguer has outed himself in order to defend his lack of manners in the House cafeteria. Unfortunately for Harvard sophomore Matthew Young, his explanation does little to improve his image. 

No, actually, I understand swine flu is not transmitted through pork or pigs thanks to my Harvard education. :P

Nope, I didn't ask for my money back.

No, the "Lade Serving at the Counter" did not apologize and did not ask "what can I do to fix this." She asked in a very belligerent tone, "whaddya want me to do about it SIR?" 

And I replied accordingly, "I hope you don't serve this to Members of Congress!"

It's nice of Harvard to offer a class titled "Things That Can't Give You Swine Flu". If only Lena Chen had taken it.

It's not surprising that 70 percent of Supreme Court Justices seated since 1950 attended some Ivy League institution—Harvard and Yale have the best law schools in the country. When George W. Bush had to make up for the embarrassment that was Harriet Miers, he went with Samuel Alito, a graduate of Princeton and a Yale Law alumnus. President Obama continued the trend by nominating Sonia Sotomayor last May, betting she would have an easy time getting confirmed with alma maters identical to Alito's. Except for the fact that Alito was a conservative student who hated the liberal Princeton administration and Sotomayor was a liberal student who hated the conservative Princeton administration.

The hearings start next Monday and with endorsements from the ABA, the Fraternal Order of Police, and former FBI director Louis Freeh, Sotomayor is likely to be confirmed as the first Hispanic Justice and the 1,000,000th Ivy League graduate on the Court. This is despite drawing fire for supposedly claiming a "wise Latina" would make better decisions than a white man. Analysis of the Senate Judiciary Committee's sympathy for Princeton grads after the jump.

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