When is a kickback not a kickback? If you're running the study abroad program at Columbia, pretty much always. The International Herald Tribune reports that universities the world over -- from Argentina to Chile to Morocco -- have sponsored junkets, err, subsidized program investigations, for Columbia and others schools in order to garner exclusive regional study rights. These foreign universities are so helpful, IHT reports, that they provide "free and subsidized travel overseas for officials, back-office services to defray operating expenses, stipends to market the programs to students, unpaid membership on advisory councils and boards, and even cash bonuses and commissions on student-paid fees." Who says America's global reputation is hurting?

Of course, Columbia has a sterling reputation as far as kickbacks go, and Kathleen McDermott, Columbia's director of global programs, insists there is nothing untoward here. The trips provide "real access," she said, "in a way you wouldn't necessarily have ... if I were on my own." And by "real access," we'll assume she means real Habanos cigars on real Cuban beaches, sipping drinks with real tiny umbrellas in them, while CU cashes in on each student who goes abroad.

Admittedly, however, Columbia does have the tough job of making sure that these foreign institutions are up to snuff. A few years ago, Columbia student Brendan Jones ignored warnings from the global programs office and went to Oxford University, the Brit equivalent of Phoenix University Online. Oxford was not on Columbia's list of allowed schools; to avoid repeating his junior year, Jones was forced to transfer permanently to the third-bit alma mater of 47 Nobel prize winners and 25 British Prime Ministers.

Have any horror stories or, better yet, personal experience in getting your wheel greased? Anonymity still guaranteed at ivygate.guest@gmail.com --MICHAEL MORISY