An I’m-relatively-positive-it’s-a-porn-pseudonym “Cooper.” We at Ivygate have a penchant for hastily avoiding gooey gossip like this, but a well-exposed tipster’s turned us on to what could possibly be the world’s smartest porn-star. For this “stunningly handsome hunk” on Fratmen.tv (we’ll spare you the hyperlink), who claims to be “East-coast born and bred” and an “ivy-leaguer,” stripping down seemed more bang for the buck than suiting up. What could possibly drive “Cooper” to porn? Well, what could possibly drive Kurt Schneider to this dirty film? No one’s really meant to answer these questions.

We’ll remain skeptical – at least until someone can prove us otherwise. And Cooper, some advice: razors can shave even where you can’t see.

BREAKING NEWS: the Ying Yang twins didn’t go to college! The closest they’ve gotten? Galumphing across stage to slurred renditions of fratboy anthems at Yale’s Spring Fling, this Tuesday. Clad in the typical obsolete hood boy raiment (doo-rag, red colors, gratuitous night-sunglasses), they sat down, unabashedly, for an interview with Yale’s first Feminist Magazine, Broad Recognition (their first mistake) before taking the stage. Their mission: to quash much of the controversy surrounding them. They preached the values of a quality education:

Cuz nowa days, you ain’t got no diploma you can’t even work at McDonald’s, dammit!

They espoused their significantly independent brand of music:

We, our main objective as the Ying Yang Twins was to make hype songs for women that work in the strip club.

They reassured us of their sensitivity towards the disabled:

They say we was at Yale. I thought all the deaf peo ple was here cuz they said Yale. [Laughs]

They related the inherent flaws of religion (and with it, the power of the adjective):

Religious is nothing but a pawn of slavery

And, most importantly, they clarified their stance on sexuality:

If you like penis, say you like penis. If you like kitty cat, say you like kitty cat.

Most impressively, they even had time to dive into Chinese philosophy:

Yang: My brother’s more of the peace; I’m more of the war.

One-liners aside, one thing is for certain: Yalies certainly have good taste in men.

LindseyRose Aguero-Sinclair, ’13, has much more interesting extracurriculars (and a far more confusing name) than your average Princetonian. The Expressions Dance Company member appeared as the victim on Tuesday’s Law and Order: Criminal Intent, replete with a steamy sex scene and a staircase plummet to her death.

But PrincetonFML has a bone to pick with the young starlet. Apparently, she and her boyfriend committed an unspeakable sin in order to watch the live airing of her episode: turning off LOST. According to commenter ‘LOST fan,’

She kicked a friend and me out of our TV lounge to watch it. Changed the channel while Lost was still on. I’d say FHL, but I’m too polite for that. I’ll just complain anonymously instead … She and presumably her boyfriend came in with 10 minutes left in the show and were talking over the episode and we told them there was a lounge right upstairs that they could use but they insisted that we could always watch online (I wanted to say the same for them). So at 10:00, when Lost was still on, they took the remote and changed the channel.

Commenter ‘Aroused’ is more forgiving about LindseyRose (yes, that’s her name):

Dead? That just makes it HOTTER!

Here’s the clip below:

Harvard students who are lacking a little lust have not one, but two opportunities to kiss in public in the coming weeks. First is for a Boston Burlesque group “Boston Babydolls” who are unveiling their newest show this weekend on Harvard Yard.  They are inviting people to participate in a “French Kissing Marathon”, an idea which can only be described as “icky”.  FlyBy Blog offers some advice on how to french kiss for Harvard students who have obviously never done it before including “Use the bathroom beforehand”, “Make sure you know your partner”, “shower” and “breathe”.

The second opportunity is in honor of Gaypril — a “kiss-in” against homophobia. Arguably a better cause than a Burlesque group, the organization running the event explains the origins of this event;

The idea came from a group of French students back in May 2009. The basic principle is the simplest ever: people gather at a predetermined place & time and on whistling signal everyone starts kissing his partner for five minutes. (And now, we guess you totally see why FRENCHIES came out with such an idea!)

How either of these events are any different than the last dance at a Jewish summer camp is really beyond me.

The BDH reports that William McCormick III, formerly Brown ’10, and his parents have sued Brown University and several of its officials — including President Ruth Simmons. The suit alleges that McCormick was treated unfairly in a sexual assault case brought against him by a female student in the fall of 2006.

The complaint states that despite the female student’s resistance to pursuing the matter, she eventually acceded to pressure from University employees to divulge McCormick’s name, an act which compelled her to file a written complaint.

McCormick was then served a “no-contact order” by Associate Dean of Student Life Terry Addison, according to the complaint, and “in violation of Brown policies, he was not provided a copy of the complaint, nor was he told the substance of the allegations.”

The plaintiffs allege that the female student “felt that the Deans were ‘yelling at her’ ” and “pressing her to add to complaints about” McCormick. Friends of the female student then allegedly confronted her and, despite her denials, concluded that she had been raped, according to the complaint.

It gets juicier still: the student who brought the complaint is said to be the daughter of a wealthy donor, whose treatment by the institution (at McCormick’s expense) stems from her position of privilege. Know more? Email us at tips@ivygateblog.com.

Gawker reports that teacher-student sex has been officially banned by Yale. Can a ban on student-student sex be far behind?! Oh wait… this happened months ago.

I have yet to encounter an Ivy Leaguer who is majoring in sex, and yet it goes without saying that our high-minded intellectual pursuits typically fall to wayside when a pursuit of another kind fills our $50,000-per-semester brains. According to the Kinsey Institute, 54% of men have sex on the brain everyday or several times a day, along with 19% of women. And among undergrads, 98% of men masturbate, as do 44% of women. The numbers don’t lie (though some of the women in this study obviously do).

But fear not, lusty co-eds, all your desires for stimulating sexual studies can be satisfied just the way you always wanted them—in a lecture. Today, four of the Ivy League’s most infamous sex columnists will gather at Cornell to “Bare All” in a panel so named. But despite the event’s title, I expect that like many descriptions of sexual happenings at Ivy campuses, it cannot be taken at face value—and that the panelists will indeed be wearing clothes.

In this, as in any lecture within an Ivy’s hallowed halls, you’ll want to know you’re being taught by the experts. Cornell’s columnists apparently lack last names, though seeing as they will be seen at this panel their identities will be revealed soon enough. We can still scrutinize their credentials, though. While these panelists might not have Ph.D.s, here’s Cornell columnist Jeff K.’s resume:

I have been blessed with the opportunity to sleep with girls. Many, many girls. I’m not going to give you my laundry list or show you my bedpost (which is notched like a saw), but it’s probably more than you think for a skinny Jewish kid from Long Island.”

Congratulations to you, Jeff. Also representing Cornell, past columnist and lover “of sluttin’” Jenna B. will be coming to you with her famously differently sized breasts (“No, seriously — my left neener is a C cup and my right is an A cup,” she reports). And to all you hopefuls out there, Jenna says:

“Suddenly I opened my eyes one day and realized it: I’m in a serious relationship. … with peen.”

Next on this list of people who didn’t win a Truman Scholarship this year is Claire Gordon of Yale. She appears to enjoy discussing penises if not the penises themselves: “The cult of the penis is a construct, a lie, a dangerous and destructive myth.” Perhaps Gordon should have gone to Barnard, where the edifice of the Cult of Our Lady Parts is now open for business (so to speak).

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Lena Chen, the Marianne of IvyGate’s early days, is back — or, really, she never went away. While she may have cut short the youthful antics that made Sex and the Ivy such a fun read, she’s been trucking away on a thesis — apparently about virginity — for which she’ll take requests. If you send Lena your favorite word, she’ll do her very best to squeeze it into the culmination of her academic career: so far, she’s found places for “hodge-podge,” “willy-nilly,” “lollygag,” and “hullaballoo,” though, shockingly, “sexual napalm” has been elided.

Also, we admire Lena’s ability to build on her past infamy and become an interesting — dare we say delightful? — internet presence. How many internet memes are willing to build on their fame in order to show the world their actual achievements, rather than reveling in bad behavior or disappearing altogether? Bravo, Lena! (But if you make any poor decisions, we’re coming for you.)

There was something about Rumpus’ recently released 50 Most Beautiful list that seemed a little off. No, not the typos, falsifications, or numbers accidentally written in Arabic (seriously). We couldn’t quite put our finger on it. Something about the gradient: white after white after white. Maybe their printers ran out of black ink? If only…

Apparently, in the gossip rag’s esteemed opinion, a disproportionate number of Yale’s pretty people are, well, of the Caucasian variety. We’ll let the ’50 most’ numbers speak for themselves.

For comparison’s sake, here are the racial demographics of Yale as a whole, courtesy of Questbridge:

(FYI, 20 out of the 29 Rumpus-ites who worked on the issue are white… yup, about 68%)

So, using the power of math, our crack quants at IvyGate HQ have calculated that Rumpus’ 50 Most Beautiful List is 21.6% whiter than Yale in general. Ouch.

So much for the post-racial America, Barry.

Yale’s cruelest and least copy-edited “publication,” Rumpus, just dropped its trademark issue: the much-heralded and uber-nepotistic Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful. And inexplicably, there are 52 people on it. (Oh, and the cover mistakenly advertises 49, see below.) The rarely published and never fact-checked gossip rag also alludes to the exploits of a certain promiscuous “Cock Goblin,” public masturbation in Zeta, and more “truths they couldn’t prove.” Hot off the presses!

But don’t kid yourselves, you tasteless pamphleteers; we’re here for 50 Most. Best ways to get in? Know/hookup with Rumpus staff, make a public fool of oneself, (check, check) be a twin… or be beautiful, too, we guess. IvyGate’s got the list, and the balls to fact-check (stay-tuned).

Stats: The hottest Residential College is Davenport (mine, baby), with nine beautiful people, and the worst represented, Ezra Stiles, with a measly two. There are 11 freshmen, 12 sophomores, 18 juniors, and 11 seniors.

The actual hotness of these snarkily profiled folks is soon TBD. For now, feast your eyes on Movement for Beauty and Justice founder and professional airhead Justine Kolata, who made the issue alongside an exploited and confused horse above. After the jump: the full 50 Most list.

(Photo courtesy of Miranda Lewis, list graciously compiled by Joe Satran)

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