For better or for worse, we now live in a world caught in the long, twee shadow of Yale’s tunetastic musical admissions video. Reactions were many, with our personal favorite, Chris Buckley’s: “OMFG.” But after the dust settled, we all dreaded one, awful possibility. In the words of the Yale Dean of Admissions:

I expect that there will be parodies and attempts at imitation.

Well… damn it. Here’s MiddKid, a rap/R&B exploration of granola Middlebury culture:

I’m flyin on the pitch as I catch the snitch
and if you dont play Quidditch, then you’re a bitch

Can we just blame this on Yale again?

Watch out liberalism; after a long hiatus, the Young Cons are back.

Take good rap music. Now remove its lyrical virtuosity, high production values, swaggering badassery, renegade ethos, and just-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. Now add two awkward white guys in suits and sideways caps. Sprinkle in some Dartmouth and cheesy iMovie effects; oh, and don’t forget a remixed Ronald Reagan.

Congratulations; you’ve got the Young Cons, the dorky Dartmouth “rap” duo that sends the right-wing into rapture and Notorious B.I.G. spinning his grave, spitting earnest rhymes in a totally badass quest to spread their Christian Conservative beliefs. Now, Josh “Stiltz” Riddle and David “Serious C” Ruffle’s heavily exploitative videos were never great. (It’s okay though, because the video starts with an obligatory black person.) However, we think you’ll agree that this one takes the cake. The young men practically grind up on a cardboard cutout of Ronald Reagan, delivering devastating lyrics like:

Let’s set the record straight, I’m no Mr. Mathers / I rap about politics and stuff that matters.

No disagreement there. And:

To all the young cons there’s no time to retreat / Conservatives are hungry, let’s eat the rhino meat.

These guys are about as awkwardly incongruous as Michael Steele. But ideology aside, only one word springs to mind: lame. Gut-wrenchingly lame. Even for the Ivy League, these guys are white bread.

What we can only assume to be the Young Cons’ next video:

At least one Cornell student has had his share of angry black people and their musics. In response to rapper T.I.’s behavior at the school’s Slope Day ‘07, Cornell Daily Sun blogger Jared Kraminitz reasons that an entire genre should be avoided in selecting Slope Day ’08’s performers:

Rap is out, I think, for fairly obvious reasons. For one, the biggest names (Jigga, ‘Ye, Fiddy – can you tell I’m down with the street?) are pricey. Also, much as I love a little Biggie bumpin’ in the car, live concerts aren’t conducive to rap; the music overwhelms the vocals and then there’s the risk you’ll be verbally abused by the artist or be forced to listen to the sounds of fake gunshots for five minutes.

Tell it like it is, Jared! On top of that, who knows which rapper is even performing when all of those people look the same?

Kraminitz suggests Cornell needs “a group that can manage to play loud but still sound good… something that rocks.” Only one band matches his specific criterium, indie rockers the Hold Steady. Kraminitz praises them for their “rough-and-tumble, Bruce Springsteen-on-steroids sound.”

I’ve seen both the Hold Steady and “‘Ye” live and the former was much, much more dangerous. A lot of beer, a lot of white trash. I’d much rather take the Hold Steady “bumpin’ in my car” and the cruel underworld of major corporate CEO “Jigga” in concert. I wouldn’t throw water bottles at either.

–JIM NEWELL