Ragtime June 24-July 1, 2009: Crimson Bloodbath
Columbia: Lerner Hall will no longer be open 24/7 due to the economy, but you can still look inside anytime from anywhere- Cornell: Former Cornell star goalie Dave McKee has been charged with rape in southern California, Kobe Bryant not returning his calls
- Dartmouth: The reign of Jim Yong Kim begins today
- Harvard: Annenberg Dining Hall's card-swiper--the most popular person on any college campus--has been laid off
- Harvard: Twenty library staffers laid off
- Harvard: Eighteen Kennedy school staffers laid off
- Harvard: Forty subcontracted janitors laid off
- Penn: Basketball player Harrison Gaines decides to leave the Quakers and transfer to the UC-Riverside Highlanders, saying "in the end, there can be only one"
- Penn: University has the fourth most illegal downloading violations in the country, most of which are Transformers 2 bootlegs
- Yale: Supreme Court rules in favor of New Haven firefighters, finally giving white people their shining moment
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