Dear Cornell Sun: A public urination article? We’re really going to do this? … Fine, then. But let me take a quick Purell shower before we get started, OK?

Cornell University Police reported 13 incidents of exposures of a person and two incidents of public urination on campus last weekend. Cornell Police Chief Kathy Zoner said that more incidents were reported likely due to increased Cornell Police surveillance on campus, not an increase in illegal activity among students and community members.

“It’s actually not that strange a number,” Zoner said. “It comes with the territory of people drinking and not paying attention to what their physical needs are and thinking public peeing is the way to handle it.”

Yes, it’s actually not that strange a number at all. In fact, Cornell students should be working tirelessly to increase their number of public urination incidents. How else will they move up through the ranks on Newsweek’s (completely inaccurate) list of the Best Party Schools in America?

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Change of plans for all the overeager, under-qualified applicants to fair Harvard College: Apparently the writers of Legally Blonde lied — an entertaining admissions video is not, in fact, sufficient to guarantee acceptance. Grace Oberhofer found that out the hard way: making an entertaining admissions video, and getting rejected anyway (via The Crimson’s Fly By Blog).

We last heard from Oberhofer in mid-April when she promised the world that “On John Harvard’s statue, [she]‘d never pee.” Turns out that she’s attending Tufts, so she’s only a short subway trip away from defacing the founder of her dream college. I wonder how the folks at Tufts felt being so obviously a second choice to such a … passionate … individual.