Daily Princetonian Thinks All Black People Are The Same

Last month, the Daily Princetonian wrote a profile on senior football player Caraun Reid, P ’14. So far so good. They listed his career accomplishments and spoke highly of his prospects in the NFL draft. Alright, still no problem there. The DP used a photo to show the young man. What’s the problem?

wrong one, prince.

Read the rest of this entry »

Princeton Pusher Won’t Say What’s in Shady Supplement

Hafiz Dhanani, Princeton ’16 and creator of Luminate, deadlifting.

Hafiz Dhanani is a go-getter—one who sometimes he needs a little chemical help getting going. To that end, he’s come out with a “natural supplement” called Luminate. What’s in it? Well, artichoke extract, and some other stuff that he won’t say.

The young job-creator—previously featured on this blog—talked vaguely about his supplement in a bizarrely uncritical Princetonian article. What little we do learn there is that Dhanani has used a lot of supplements, Luminate has something to do with artichokes, and—taken with a cup of coffee—it increased the heart-rate of one of Dhanani’s friends.

(We asked the Prince if the article was “some sort of unmarked sponsored content.” EIC Luc Cohen replied, “The answer is no.”)

So, as is often the case, the comments are more interesting than the article—and more edifying. Ben Hebert, co-founder of supplement supplier NaturalStacks.com, commented: “Thanks for ordering from us (NaturalStacks.com) and then copying. I would have expected a lot more from someone at Princeton :)”

Dhanani replied that “none of the ingredients you use are proprietary or something that can’t be found on Amazon.com. You have my email if you’d like to chat.”

Naturally, we wanted to chat. Hebert explained that Luminate closely resembles his product CILTEP: both use artichoke extract, and “[t]he mechanisms of action for CILTEP and Luminate are exactly as described in the article.”

According to Hebert, Dhanani “ordered our combo pack twice and then ordered the 4-month supply of both CILTEP and SMART CAFFEINE just the other day.” Hebert added that Dhanani isn’t the first copy-cat, and that his recipes are public and non-proprietary, anyway. He “just thought [he]‘d comment on the post to let him know that we’re watching.”

Dhanani didn’t reply to multiple emails for comment. But here’s a deal, Fiz: send us some Luminate, and we’ll review it while on it.

Supplements at work (?) courtesy @HafizDhanani

Thiel Fellow to Plebs Whom She Wants to Employ to Run Her Extracurriculars: “Stay Awesome”

Eden Full, P ’15

Just under one month ago, we introduced you to Fiz, a public servant at Princeton in search of a private servant. He emailed his residential college looking to pay a classmate to run his errands.

Well, meet Eden. She’s a junior at Princeton, but only because she took two years off for a Thiel grant to make the desert bloom with solar power. Eden lives in the same residential college as Fiz! And she needs help, too—not only with errands, but with her startup and extracurriculars and personal projects. (Resumes don’t build themselves.)

From a tipster:

From: Eden Full
Subject: Seeking a Ninja!
Date: November 6, 2013 at 7:14:03 AM GMT+8
To: [the same residential college as last time]@Princeton.EDU

Hi [residential college]!

I hope all is well. I’m seeking a ninja for 3-5 hours/week to help me with some errands/research. For example:

- Mailing stuff at the post office
- Helping with some administrative stuff and/or research for my startup, extracurricular activities and personal projects
Compensation would be $15/hour, and you would complete these tasks at your own convenience, as long as it gets done before the very reasonable deadline. Some weeks will have more work than others, but it will definitely be nothing too intense.

If this is something you think you have free time in your schedule for, please email me back with:

- 2-3 sentences about yourself
- Possible hours you are available to work each day, organized as a Google spreadsheet and shared with me as a link in the email
Looking forward to potentially working with you!

Stay awesome,

Eden

[Photo via NPR]

A “Very Princeton” Email

Fiz.

A tipster called this email “very Princeton…” We agree.

From: Hafiz Dhanani
Date: Wed, Oct 16, 2013 at 10:31 PM
Subject: Paying $10-$20/hr for some basic errands
To: [a residential college]@princeton.edu
I have a few errands I need done tomorrow (Thursday) that I don’t have time for.

I’m paying $10-$20/hr depending on the task. Simple stuff, like going to the post-office, etc.

Respond to this email if you’re interested and we’ll iron out the details.

- Fiz
*****

Running for 2016 student rep, Dhanani said, “Anything you need… ever… I’m here” (if what you need is to run his errands).

Also: “I’ve realized that the most powerful thing about this opportunity to be class rep, is that you get to lead other leaders.” You know, because we’re all Princeton students (and therefore born leaders), and because you should run his errands.

Fiz, if you found anyone, you know what to do: tips@ivygate.com.

[Image from his LinkedIn page]

Princeton Admissions Office Reportedly Investigated for Improperly Admitting Current Student

A few months ago, Princeton’s Office of Undergraduate Admission received a lengthy, detailed letter alleging that the spouse of an admissions staff member had, in 2011, asked the staff member for a favor. According to a copy of the letter, provided to IvyGate by an anonymous Princeton source, the staff member later intervened on behalf of a waitlisted applicant, currently a rising junior at Princeton, who happened to be a close relative of their spouse’s boss at a private K-8 school in a neighboring town.

The letter indicated that the spouse who requested the favor was afraid of being fired and used their connection to Princeton’s admissions office to avoid termination. The favor would have been extremely valuable: according to The Daily Princetonian, 1.5% of wait-listed applicants, or 19 out of 1,248, were later admitted.

The source described the incident as “an open secret in the Princeton community” — whether among students, administrators, or the town of Princeton, the source did not say — and that, shortly after receiving the letter, university officials hired William Maderer, a New Jersey attorney, to conduct an independent investigation. It is unclear whether or not the investigation concluded. Maderer’s office declined to comment about his involvement with any investigations(See bottom of post for update.)  Read the rest of this entry »

Ben Bernanke Delivers “Hilarious” Speech at Princeton

This past Sunday, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke addressed Princeton’s Class of 2013, doling out the signature jokes and charming witticisms for which Americans nationwide have come to know him. Though Chairman Ben is technically a Harvard man, he served as the head of Princeton’s Department of Economics for around six years after stints at Stanford and New York University. Yesterday, then, was something of a homecoming for our favorite salt and pepper economist, and boy, did he deliver. CNNMoney called him “hilarious!” Bloomberg News called him “humorous!” After all, Bernanke employed many tactics associated with truly funny people, like delivering his speech in list format (always demonstrative of serious effort), endorsing monogamous relationships and even quoting the seminal Tom Hanks film “Forrest Gump.”

“Life is like a box of chocolates,” Bernanke told the assembled grads. “Shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it.”

Pretty funny, huh? Judge for yourself and read the full speech here.

Meet Alex Jaffe, Princeton’s Newest Most Eligible Bachelor

Before yesterday Alex Jaffe was just another nice Jewish boy from the Upper East Side trying to find his soul mate in the rough and tumble dating world that is Princeton University. But now Alex is (probably) the hottest commodity on campus, thanks to his mother Susan, who sent in a letter to The Daily Princetonian urging female undergrads to go out and find themselves a man (specifically her son). Here she is, describing him for all the single females out there:

“My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless.”

Well, if it wasn’t before, it sure is now.

You can read about the curious content of the letter elsewhere, but now please turn your attention to the new poster boy of the Princeton singles scene.

Here’s what we know about Alex:

  • He’s from New York City
  • He uses his mother’s last name on Facebook
  • He went to the elite Stuyvesant High School
  • He scored an 800 on one section of his SATs
  • He plays the French horn
  • He likes theater
  • He wears a lot of orange (a lot)
  • He’s a member of the Princeton Brass Ensemble AND the Princeton Wind Ensemble

Here’s hoping that Alex has the good sense to follow in his older brother’s footsteps and marry an intellectual equal. A word of advice though ladies: This Tiger likes it rough. Just check out his neck.

Princeton Alum Fired From Penn For Making Fun Of Applicant Essays

Woman Laughing at Comp.jpgShocker: Of the 31,127 students who applied to the University of Pennsylvania last year, some were not “Penn material.” And thanks to one brave Princetonian, we now know who wasn’t up to par.

The Daily Pennsylvanian reports that former admissions officer Nadirah Foley, Princeton Class of 2011, was fired by the university late last year after she was discovered mocking applicants’ essays on Facebook. According to The DP, Foley also shared these essays over College Confidential, prompting responses such as “This loses my respect for UPenn and for the general admissions process SOOO much.” Everyone in the admissions department must be devestated.

Here are some of the students who proved worthy of Foley’s scorn:

  • A student who had “long and deep” connections to Penn because he had been circumcised at the school’s Hillel.
  • A student who overcame his fear of going to the bathroom in the great outdoors.
  • A student who thought Penn was near the beach.

MSNBC Airs The Daily Princetonian’s Misquote of Antonin Scalia

Yesterday we noticed The Daily Princetonian’s unfortunate misquote of Antonin Scalia’s comments on homosexuality during a Q&A at Princeton on Monday evening. (The article was soon corrected.) Then, last night, MSNBC aired the same error beneath the paper’s logo. We imagine the scene at the Prince’s newsroom went something like this:

Unnamed Prince staffer #1: Oh my god. Our logo!

Unnamed Prince staffer #2: Our error. The error.

Unnamed Prince staffer #3: No. Nooooooooooooo!!!!

Unnamed Prince staffer #4: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Disembodied voice of Shirley Tilghman: It was the only quote that anyone cared about!

Disembodied voice of David Petraeus: The only quote that mattered!

Exeunt.

There’s a Huge Party at Princeton Tonight, and You Are Not Invited

Multiple sources have forwarded us a Facebook chat transcript, produced below, between two Princetonians: one, an “old money Azerbaijani freshman” (according to one source) who tonight is “dropping ~$20k on a massive party” at Princeton’s Colonial Club, the other a “sorority girl” and Tiger Inn member who really — like, really really — wants to attend said gathering.

We’ve replaced their names (and those of their friends) with Princeton alumni of historical and cultural import — a gesture of charity, sure, but also practicality: the whole transcript is kind of bleak and harrowing once you realize that flesh-and-blood Princetonians really do appraise and sort each other in the manner portrayed here.

Full, horrible transcript, after the jump! Read the rest of this entry »