Everyone’s favorite Freddy Got Fingered star made a special appearance at Penn this past week for his comedy tour and ended up partying with Penn students. On his website, the actor — and famous ex-husband of Drew Barrymore — posted a video of himself tapping a keg in some unidentified coven of Penn students, all of whom look either ecstatic or bemused.

Where has Green’s career gone? The man used to make big[-ish] movies — now he’s partying at the most oppressively horrible party scene in the Ivy League [well, except for all the others]. With eighteen-year-olds. In the video, he looks quite old… but happy. Maybe the Ivy League is more fun than we think it is — or maybe he’s just collecting material.

• Brown: Snoop Dogg, MGMT to perform at Spring Weekend — jealous! Although we hear MGMT’s new album is dreadful :-(
• Columbia: Fifteen years of renovations, and Butler Library is still something out of a Bosch painting this time of year.
• Cornell: “Cornell Law School: Ever Heard of It?”
• Penn: Tom Green could win an Oscar and a Nobel, and his obituary would begin with that “My bum” song.

The Penn girls who headed to the Real World house have been identified! Emily and Chelsea (pictured, in a shot from Drumheller’s Facebook page) have made Penn proud, and are — and let us not overstate this — the most famous people at Penn since the days of Ben Franklin. And when was he ever on TV?

Emily, a member of the Theta sorority, headed on an ill-starred date with cast member Andrew at Buca di Beppo after a night of passion at the only bar in Washington, apparently. “Who ever said they were attracted to smart girls?” said Andrew of his Ivy League-educated date. She admitted, with all the grace and elegance of a Quaker, “I was thinking about standing you up!” Maybe he was right? Emily expounds delightfully on her Catholic-school upbringing and her ring and how much she wants to be on TV (well, the last part is subtext).

Chelsea, a sister of Tri-Delt, catalyzed an old-school ruckus after returning from the bar with “rocker” Josh. What not to do as a houseguest? Respond to a housemate’s question “What are you looking for?” with “Not your brains!” and a profanity. One would think a sorority member would be more invested in shared-living experiments! But at least she’s keeping her Ivy snob-quotient up by telling off a Real Worlder for inadequate intellect. [We've heard rumblings about a THIRD sorority member from Penn at the bar and on TV... but we're not sure enough to post. Any tips, commenters?]

We’ve long thought that the Ivies deserve their own reality show, and hopefully, these ladies can keep the MTV momentum going. Let’s bring The Hills to Penn: call it The Walk?

Screenshots from The Real World after the jump!

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Per a tipster:

I’m surprised that you haven’t written about the Penn sorority girls who debuted on real world tonight (tri delt, theta, and alpha phi were all represented).  The tri delt had sex with the gross rock and roll one, his girlfriend called, and then he actually got up and picked up the phone.  Then he came back and they had more sex. Classy.

Could this actually be true? Here’s what we do know: the cast is in DC, so somehow the Penn girls took a BoltBus down and ended up on Real Rock of Love. The guy in question is “Josh,” a Philadelphia-bred lead singer of the band “Wicked Liquid.” Readers, do you know the identities of these sorority ladies — one of whom refused to get in the show’s hot tub because “she’s not that kind of girl”? Investigations remain ongoing!

• Columbia: Winter Olympics ongoing; less than a week until your IvyGate blogger gets his Parks and Recreation back.
• Dartmouth: This is all well and good, but what does ZAC Posen think about Iran?
• Penn: Shrug, um, we’re not sure how to feel about this. “Good”!
• Princeton: OMG ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE COLUMN AND INSANE HYPOTHETICALS?!?! Thank god Princeton kids are confined to Princeton where they can’t infect us.
• Yale: Yale Law alum tapped for court seat. This could be taught in j-school as an example of a “dog-bites-man” story.

• Princeton students get bloggy, observant, and frustrated—“Today, Princeton has a $12.6 billion endowment, and the foosball table in Forbes is being held together by 2 plastic pens. FML.”
• Brown seeks volunteers for “piloting boats, tending the fires, selling merchandise.”
• Yale encourages eating Fritos in the library by rendering fines fiction.
• At casino night, Columbia students rolle dice for the dough, fedoras fly.
• Harvard dominates in the Rice and Bean Pot Burrito Eating Contest.
• Italians come to Dartmouth, get “very involved with the Italian club.”
• Penn students meet the internet, “About five clicks in, I see a screenful of penis all up in my grill.”

• Yale: “I’m That Girl. You know, the kind who wants attention and seeks to get it by reciting past ’scandalous’ indiscretions. Sound familiar? Yep, that’s me! Me! Listen to me!”
• Cornell: Okay, this was for a good cause, but the Kiss-In took place on Ho Plaza?
• Columbia: An intern interns.
• Brown: Simmons bails out of Goldman Sachs.
• Penn: Sorority members to become “twins.” Good thing they’re all identical anyway!

How the mighty have fallen. The Cornell basketball team, which was previously unbeaten, was trounced by Penn, 79-64, last night at the Palestra. This game was a David vs. Goliath matchup, as Penn entered the game with a 3-15 record (2-2 Ivy), but the Quakers took a one-point lead into halftime and never looked back. Junior Jack Eggleston (pictured) led all scorers with 24 points and sophomore Zack Rosen chipped in with 22 of his own. Big Red seniors Louis Dale and Ryan Wittman each had 16 points and senior Jeff Foote contributed a double-double in the losing effort.

The Big Red rose to No. 22 in the ESPN/USA Today rankings this week, but will likely fall out of the top 25 with the loss. Tomorrow night Penn will try to earn a weekend sweep as it takes on Columbia. There will be no rest for the weary Big Red, as they must travel to Princeton to take on the only remaining undefeated team in the Ivy League.

• Brown: If there’s one thing that will prepare you for a classroom full of rowdy ten-year-olds, it’s four years at Brown!
• Columbia: Student group to ensure all coverage is fair, but especially fair to Israel.
• Penn: SNOW DAY! SNOW DAY!
• Princeton: Okay, now we’re getting jealous.
• Harvard: David Souter to emerge from his hobbit-hole, speak at Commencement, then will return home, by getting into a time machine that will take him back to 1852.

This is the second installment of a series studying the persona of each Ivy League president—their bank accounts, their haircuts, and the extent to which they’re known and loved. I’m covering each president one by one, in order of who gets the most green for tending to the Ivy. And now, here’s University of Pennsylvania President Amy Gutmann, the fair-haired political-philosopher queen.

Watch out, hipsters, there’s a new lady in the leggings aisle at American Apparel. And as a Penn junior confirmed, students “generally find her pretty/hot considering she’s almost 60 years old.”

And to be more direct, The DP’s Thirty-Fourth Street Magazine addresses Gutmann: “You academic MILF, you!! Giggity giggity!”

Sure, she’s blonde, she’s buff, she’s glamorous and as one senior observes, “she is insanely skinny, and can be found at the school gym at any time.” Also there’s the running Penn gig, helping to develop the theory of deliberative democracy, eating free tacos, and hitting the spot—as it were—as Chris Brown Christopher H. Browne Distinguished Professor of Political Science in the School of Arts and Sciences.

No, it isn’t easy being Amy Gutmann, especially when you factor in the extra time and effort it takes to refer to yourself in the third person:

“She’s a busy woman. It’s a busy life…I chill out at basketball games and football games. I go to all the home games — all the basketball and football home games — unless I have to be out of town.”

Alas, one woman can’t have it all, and so it goes with the third person narration. As for students, many people call her “A-Gut,” which seems an incongruously gross entrails-sounding name for a leader they lust for. Others just call her Amy. When asked, she suggested “her eminence.”

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