Attention Elis: You may have already won the Swine Flu Clearinghouse! According to the Yale University Health Services, at least four patients are currently being treated for influenza A and awaiting test results from the Connecticut Department of Health, AKA Swine Flu Central.

While other schools seem to be sticking to the Cover Your Cough handbook, Yale looks like they might actually be taking this shit seriously. Because kids are dying. In Mexico. Accordingly, the Yale administration has put a stop on all funding to go to Mexico based on a campus-wide email that made it into our tip box. (Don’t worry, students are going to go anyways. Chiapas is crazy this time of year.)

In an unexpectedly extreme move, Dartmouth is actually pulling kids out of Mexico. It looks like the 11 study abroaders at the Dartmouth Language School Abroad program in Cholula might not learn the subjunctive case after all. Hopefully they got in on the hot sauce manufactured there. You know, the one with the wooden top. IvyGate favorite, that is.

After the jump, a school-by-school report of the biggest health scare in the United States that doesn’t really seem all that scary. But it’s always fun seeing surgical masks in the street.

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The last time IvyGate posted about a Harvard boy and his dong, you gagged and begged us to never do it again. But try as we might, we can’t stay away from Harvard or dongs.  Below is a video unofficially titled “Harvard Bros,” starring two mustachioed Havard “bros” rapping about their penises. We’ll just call it “The Dong Song.” According to Abel Acuña, the video’s director, “Harvard Bros” won best music video at the Harvard Undergraduate Film Festival.

According to resident IvyGate film critic (me) the video offers some decent production value but lacks that Cambridge intellectual punch we’ve seen from favorites On Harvard Time. Acuña mentioned to us that he’s all about entertainment, and those VES film studies fools can kiss his Harvardwood ass.

Full disclosure: the latter part of that sentence is largely fabricated. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true. After the jump, more videos from Acuña’s production company Senior Spring. Read the rest of this entry »

Yalies are really into their Christmas penises. We’re not so sure why.  Another tipster writes in:

Well, in response to your story of today about Yale’s lights, the freshman in JE amended the message on the side of Farnam to be more accurate, rearranging a few lights here and there. ES is the acronym for Ezra Stiles college, the one that….erected the original display. ES and JE apparently agree on something – ES sucks cock!”

‘Tis the season for many things, including giant electric penises. 

A tipster writes in: 

Last night, between 10pm and 3am, the freshmen of the Ezra Stiles college at Yale constructed a massive christmas light penis on the front of Lawrance as a response to the traditional christmas light “JE SUX” written across the front of Farnum, the adjacent dorm. The penis was estimated to be about 100 feet long, and even sported multi-colored, blinking ejaculate. The penis will ostensibly remain on Lawrance through the end of finals (next week).”

Argh! All this Yale geography is confusing me! I think the point is that ever since Father Time first came around, Yale students have been writing “JE SUX” on one of their buildings to the chagrin of other Yale students. Thankfully the war has apparently escalated into an epic battle of electric penises, which is far more satisfying for the rest of us.

After the jump: the electric penis ejaculates all over Harvard. More pictures.

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