RagTime: “Looks Like a Slow News Day” Edition

Phew. We’ve been on lockdown these past couple of days, prepping for finals and what not. As such, we were burning the midnight oil. You know: A lil’ Angry Birds. Some Sporcle. We watched like six episodes of Twin Peaks last night. Nice, low-key evening.

What do you mean, “Did we read the news?” Of course not. That shit puts us to sleep. What are you rambling about?

Wait, what? Who’s dead? Oh. Well, shit! Are people freaking out? Let’s check the Ivy dailies, I guess!

  • Columbia: The Spec has a rundown of all the celebrations in New York, from Ground Zero to Times Square to Morningside Heights.
  • Brown/Princeton: Nothing in the Herald or Princetonian, presumably because everyone at those schools hates America. [/Young Republicans]
  • Harvard: One of the Crimson’s own dressed up for the occasion: “Dan J. Giles ’13 and Joshua R. McTaggart ’13, a Crimson Arts editor, stood in a Quincy common room in bright costumes as the Alice in Wonderland characters White Rabbit and Mad Hatter, respectively. They said they were on their way to the themed Adams House formal.” Sure, OK. On their way to a “formal.” Weirdos.
  • Dartmouth: Students marched through the quad Green with megaphones and banners, responding to the new’s of bin Laden’s death with an exuberant display of instantaneous catharsis. Wait, no … sorry. That rally was actually about sexual abuse. My bad.
  • Penn: “The celebration continued following the conclusion of the speech, though it died down quickly, as students immediately went back to studying.” Wharton automatons shed one single, artificial tear before returning to more important matters, like that chapter on collateralized debt obligations.
  • Yale: Sentence that tickles our fancy: “…Almost thirty people gathered in the Calhoun buttery to hear the unexpected news.”
  • Cornell: Undergrads celebrated in the streets, as undergrads are wont to do. And the Ithaca Police, likewise, did what they do best: Issue noise violations.