There was something about Rumpus’ recently released 50 Most Beautiful list that seemed a little off. No, not the typos, falsifications, or numbers accidentally written in Arabic (seriously). We couldn’t quite put our finger on it. Something about the gradient: white after white after white. Maybe their printers ran out of black ink? If only…

Apparently, in the gossip rag’s esteemed opinion, a disproportionate number of Yale’s pretty people are, well, of the Caucasian variety. We’ll let the ‘50 most’ numbers speak for themselves.

For comparison’s sake, here are the racial demographics of Yale as a whole, courtesy of Questbridge:

(FYI, 20 out of the 29 Rumpus-ites who worked on the issue are white… yup, about 68%)

So, using the power of math, our crack quants at IvyGate HQ have calculated that Rumpus’ 50 Most Beautiful List is 21.6% whiter than Yale in general. Ouch.

So much for the post-racial America, Barry.

Yale’s cruelest and least copy-edited “publication,” Rumpus, just dropped its trademark issue: the much-heralded and uber-nepotistic Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful. And inexplicably, there are 52 people on it. (Oh, and the cover mistakenly advertises 49, see below.) The rarely published and never fact-checked gossip rag also alludes to the exploits of a certain promiscuous “Cock Goblin,” public masturbation in Zeta, and more “truths they couldn’t prove.” Hot off the presses!

But don’t kid yourselves, you tasteless pamphleteers; we’re here for 50 Most. Best ways to get in? Know/hookup with Rumpus staff, make a public fool of oneself, (check, check) be a twin… or be beautiful, too, we guess. IvyGate’s got the list, and the balls to fact-check (stay-tuned).

Stats: The hottest Residential College is Davenport (mine, baby), with nine beautiful people, and the worst represented, Ezra Stiles, with a measly two. There are 11 freshmen, 12 sophomores, 18 juniors, and 11 seniors.

The actual hotness of these snarkily profiled folks is soon TBD. For now, feast your eyes on Movement for Beauty and Justice founder and professional airhead Justine Kolata, who made the issue alongside an exploited and confused horse above. After the jump: the full 50 Most list.

(Photo courtesy of Miranda Lewis, list graciously compiled by Joe Satran)

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The following screen grab arrived in the IvyGate tips box recently, with this commentary: “Yalies discuss the participants of the Naked Run that occurs at the end of Reading Week in Bass Library.  All men.  On Facebook.  Publicly.”

Neato discussion, guys. Our turn!

I’m of two minds here. On the one hand, the application of multivariate statistics to observed penis sizes at the Ivy League schools seems a worthy scholarly endeavor, and would probably break all IvyGate comment records. (Laura likes this!) On the other hand, while I can’t be certain, this Facebook thread reads like a peanut gallery commenting on the action, as opposed to chatter by people who had actually participated in the naked run themselves. And that is something I cannot condone.

Either you’re in or you’re out, guys! Either strip down and join in the craziness — the cathartic release at finals time, the thrill that comes from wondering if the goofy kid jiggling next to you will be a goddamn United States senator some day — or stay out of it! Consider yourselves on notice. I blurred out your names (don’t dime these guys out in the comments, please, readers) but Yale probably knows who you are. And next run, we’ll be watching.

This just popped up on the Daily Princetonian’s blog, The Prox. This comment says it all:

I would boink half of them but still….ugh. Chest painting for Gym Class Heroes? Apples in Stereo were awesome.

We know that it’s been scientifically proven (thanks Radar!) that, except for Lena Chen, Harvard students don’t have sex. Ever. Fortunately for us, however, that sense of propriety doesn’t extend to the number one Harvard pastime: starting new and marginally useful publications. We were all a little scared of H-Bomb, which at least tried to be artistic in its display of bookish nerds baring their pasty white flesh. But who could have prepared for Harvard’s newest sex “journalist,” who drops all of the pretense and is just straight-up porn fit for your 13 year old little brother.

Matt DiPasquale (pictured) made some waves last year when he returned from an AVN Adult Industry Expo with the humble dream of creating Diamond, a porn magazine that Harvard could finally be proud of. And then he had the balls to speak about it at a conference on feminism!

Seven months later, the first issue of Diamond is here, and it’s…interesting. (The Crimson on Diamond’s launch) It looks like it was designed using only Microsoft Paint and ClipArt, but that’s not the worst part!  The editorial content is mostly a a look ahead at some of Summer 2008’s potential biggest blockbusters (This Dark Knight flick looks like it might be pretty good!) but that’s not the worst part, either!

In spite of sending several creepy emails over open lists looking for “sexy models” to pose for him, it looks like Matt could only find two volunteers for the first issue. One of them is himself. The other is a beautiful young woman. Only one of them gets naked. (Are you worried yet?)

After the jump: some very nauseating, very NSFW pages from the first issue of Diamond. Be forewarned: there is an excessive amount of body hair, and one flaccid dong, billowing in the wind in a public park in Cambridge.

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A memo sent from Dartmouth Assistant Director of Admissions to student tour guides:

Date: 04 Apr 2008
From: Sarah M. Damerville
Subject: Tour Streaking – Please Read

Hi Everyone,

It has come to our attention that a few of you have had your tours “streaked” in the past few weeks. Yesterday, one of our admissions officers watched as a group of young men streaked through our 11:15 am tour at very close proximity. If this has happened to you, or if you know the students who are streaking our tours, please let me know so we can contact them.

While I am sure the streakers don’t intend to offend or harm anyone, they need to remember that we have a wide range of visitors to our campus, and prospective families (which often include both parents and significantly younger siblings) may be intimidated or offended by this behavior.

After the jump: The rest of the email, and Dartmouth embed Daniel Belkin (‘08) takes an in-depth look Damerville’s dilemma and at his school’s storied traditions of public nudity and prank-ery.

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Every exam period we at IvyGate thank our lucky stars we do not go to Harvard, where repressed smart kids like to let loose and run nude and have sex in the streets, or something, as part of the strange ritual known as Primal Scream. But just because we don’t want to see it doesn’t mean we don’t hear about it. IvyGate operative Alterrell Mills watched his peers frolic in their skivvies and wrote in.

Primal Scream. Smart people running wildly. Idiots frolicking in the cold. Call it what you will, but one thing that was different about this year’s merriment to mark the end of reading period and the start of exams was that it came too soon. Starting about seven minutes or so early, breaking with the traditional kick-off occurring at midnight, the first of the naked future Bill Gateses ran their glorious lap around Harvard Yard. Notable appearances for the cold-shrinking time included athletes, hairy guys, fat guys …and a surprising amount of girls! I’d put the count of females at about 30% depending on President Faust’s inclusion, a rarity for the usual pre-exam sausage fest.

Per usual, some Harvard students decide to do things “differently.” Three girls, probably freshman, ran hand in hand, their intimates purple. Does purple come out with laundry detergent in those kinds of places? The highlight was when one of the girls fell and looked as if she was going to vomit, before her two naked friends lifted her back up from the ground. None of the guys running past her thought to help her, but happily ran past as the audience (yeah it was a show, the admission to get in was the shame in seeing your resident tutors observing alongside you) just laughed. The only thing to top this girl’s performance was that of a wheelchair-bound student who rolled his way around the Yard.

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IvyGate’s feelings toward Lena “I lowered my mouth over his cock and slid my lips over his shaft easily” Chen have been well-documented. Which is to say, she’s our best enemy, or maybe our worst frenemy, it’s hard to keep track. But there is one feeling we have toward Lena that is unequivocal: we don’t want to see her naked. But yesterday, we did. We also saw her getting railed by a guy with gnarly pubes and pasty thighs.

A “tipster” calling himself FUCKLENA posted thrice at 7:43PM on December 21:

SEX AND THE IVY’S LENA CHEN SEX GALLERY!!!!!!!
[url redacted]

The 12-photo gallery featured four of Ms. Chen in the buff, one of which was taken from the angle of a blond-pubed man penetrating the “Bleeding Heart Nympho” vaginally. Another featured a pouting Chen pulling at the edge of her panties to reveal a tattoo we at first identified as a “flying penguin unfurling its penguin wings” (thanks, Hal), but upon further inspection recognized as a Claddagh ring, a traditional Irish wedding ring now popularized as a “promise ring” for the young and chaste.

We may be childish rumor-mongers here at IvyGate, but pornographers we are not. I instantly instant messaged Lena to get the scoop, and she reported that the blond pubes in question belong to “Sam,” a 35-year-old Penn grad student who is clearly more than a little messed up if he spends his free time trying to ruin a young co-ed’s reputation. Lena tells us she has been trying to ditch Sam for the last nine months (despite a November blog entry about him entitled “The Man I Could’ve Loved“) and is not at all surprised by the emergence of these pics. “This is actually a good thing,” she explains, “because now I can get a restraining order or something. … On the bright side, I think this qualifies as an excuse for me to get an extension on my term paper.”

After the jump, Lena’s surprisingly calm chat on the Ivy League lovers’ spat, and two carefully chosen and non-pornographic pics from the gallery.

UPDATE: IvyGate will return to a normal posting schedule on Jan 14. Enjoy the holidays/exams.

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This past Friday the front page of the New York Post, America’s paper of record, was given over to a picture of a naked man strolling about Midtown. Naturally, he went to Yale. Today the paper caught up with “curly-haired hipster” Josh Drimmer and exchanged a few words with him from his comfy new Bellevue digs.

Juicy details are few and far between. A freshman dorm-mate reports,  “He would eat scraps of food people left around for a couple of hours.” He was a double major in English and theater studies, like seemingly everyone else at Yale. He was not, however, a member of “the Pundits” — the secretive anti-secret-society secret society — which is too bad because this sounds like it would have been a huge coup for them.

Also, here’s his blog, which isn’t as weird as one would hope. Dude really likes Fleetwood Mac, apparently.

Anyone know anything else?

Lastly, here is a video which Gothamist is reasonably sure stars none other than Drimmer “bopping around Time Square,” as the Post put it.

Diffferent blogs chart progress in different ways. Some look at pageviews; some at Google rank; some at the number of times they place stories in established media outlets. At IvyGate, we prefer the yardstick of infamy. And by its inerrant measure there can be no topping the month of April.

On April 11 — thanks, we’re guessing, to two recent visits from the male nudity fairy (Justin Kan; balls) — we got our first-ever report that IvyGate is officially blocked at someone’s place of employment:

Access Denied (content_filter_denied)

[Redacted] has blocked access to this website as it has been categorized as Nudity;Personal Pages;Sexual Materials. Refer to [Redacted] Corporate Information Security Policy for additional information.

Believe us, we were some proud papas when the news arrived. But that just didn’t compare to the dispatch we got last week from a reader on the other side of the planet:

Thought you might like to know that your blog seems to be blocked in China–Keep up the good work! … I’m mostly in Beijing, though the site is unavailable everywhere in the country as far as I know.

Guess it was the all the class warfare!