We know that it’s been scientifically proven (thanks Radar!) that, except for Lena Chen, Harvard students don’t have sex. Ever. Fortunately for us, however, that sense of propriety doesn’t extend to the number one Harvard pastime: starting new and marginally useful publications. We were all a little scared of H-Bomb, which at least tried to be artistic in its display of bookish nerds baring their pasty white flesh. But who could have prepared for Harvard’s newest sex “journalist,” who drops all of the pretense and is just straight-up porn fit for your 13 year old little brother.

Matt DiPasquale (pictured) made some waves last year when he returned from an AVN Adult Industry Expo with the humble dream of creating Diamond, a porn magazine that Harvard could finally be proud of. And then he had the balls to speak about it at a conference on feminism!

Seven months later, the first issue of Diamond is here, and it’s...interesting. (The Crimson on Diamond's launch) It looks like it was designed using only Microsoft Paint and ClipArt, but that’s not the worst part!  The editorial content is mostly a a look ahead at some of Summer 2008’s potential biggest blockbusters (This Dark Knight flick looks like it might be pretty good!) but that’s not the worst part, either!

In spite of sending several creepy emails over open lists looking for “sexy models” to pose for him, it looks like Matt could only find two volunteers for the first issue. One of them is himself. The other is a beautiful young woman. Only one of them gets naked. (Are you worried yet?)

After the jump: some very nauseating, very NSFW pages from the first issue of Diamond. Be forewarned: there is an excessive amount of body hair, and one flaccid dong, billowing in the wind in a public park in Cambridge.

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A memo sent from Dartmouth Assistant Director of Admissions to student tour guides:

Date: 04 Apr 2008
From: Sarah M. Damerville
Subject: Tour Streaking - Please Read

Hi Everyone,

It has come to our attention that a few of you have had your tours "streaked" in the past few weeks. Yesterday, one of our admissions officers watched as a group of young men streaked through our 11:15 am tour at very close proximity. If this has happened to you, or if you know the students who are streaking our tours, please let me know so we can contact them.

While I am sure the streakers don't intend to offend or harm anyone, they need to remember that we have a wide range of visitors to our campus, and prospective families (which often include both parents and significantly younger siblings) may be intimidated or offended by this behavior.

After the jump: The rest of the email, and Dartmouth embed Daniel Belkin ('08) takes an in-depth look Damerville's dilemma and at his school's storied traditions of public nudity and prank-ery.

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Every exam period we at IvyGate thank our lucky stars we do not go to Harvard, where repressed smart kids like to let loose and run nude and have sex in the streets, or something, as part of the strange ritual known as Primal Scream. But just because we don't want to see it doesn't mean we don't hear about it. IvyGate operative Alterrell Mills watched his peers frolic in their skivvies and wrote in.

Primal Scream. Smart people running wildly. Idiots frolicking in the cold. Call it what you will, but one thing that was different about this year's merriment to mark the end of reading period and the start of exams was that it came too soon. Starting about seven minutes or so early, breaking with the traditional kick-off occurring at midnight, the first of the naked future Bill Gateses ran their glorious lap around Harvard Yard. Notable appearances for the cold-shrinking time included athletes, hairy guys, fat guys …and a surprising amount of girls! I'd put the count of females at about 30% depending on President Faust's inclusion, a rarity for the usual pre-exam sausage fest.

Per usual, some Harvard students decide to do things "differently." Three girls, probably freshman, ran hand in hand, their intimates purple. Does purple come out with laundry detergent in those kinds of places? The highlight was when one of the girls fell and looked as if she was going to vomit, before her two naked friends lifted her back up from the ground. None of the guys running past her thought to help her, but happily ran past as the audience (yeah it was a show, the admission to get in was the shame in seeing your resident tutors observing alongside you) just laughed. The only thing to top this girl's performance was that of a wheelchair-bound student who rolled his way around the Yard.

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IvyGate's feelings toward Lena "I lowered my mouth over his cock and slid my lips over his shaft easily" Chen have been well-documented. Which is to say, she's our best enemy, or maybe our worst frenemy, it's hard to keep track. But there is one feeling we have toward Lena that is unequivocal: we don't want to see her naked. But yesterday, we did. We also saw her getting railed by a guy with gnarly pubes and pasty thighs.

A "tipster" calling himself FUCKLENA posted thrice at 7:43PM on December 21:

SEX AND THE IVY'S LENA CHEN SEX GALLERY!!!!!!!
[url redacted]

The 12-photo gallery featured four of Ms. Chen in the buff, one of which was taken from the angle of a blond-pubed man penetrating the "Bleeding Heart Nympho" vaginally. Another featured a pouting Chen pulling at the edge of her panties to reveal a tattoo we at first identified as a "flying penguin unfurling its penguin wings" (thanks, Hal), but upon further inspection recognized as a Claddagh ring, a traditional Irish wedding ring now popularized as a "promise ring" for the young and chaste.

We may be childish rumor-mongers here at IvyGate, but pornographers we are not. I instantly instant messaged Lena to get the scoop, and she reported that the blond pubes in question belong to "Sam," a 35-year-old Penn grad student who is clearly more than a little messed up if he spends his free time trying to ruin a young co-ed's reputation. Lena tells us she has been trying to ditch Sam for the last nine months (despite a November blog entry about him entitled "The Man I Could've Loved") and is not at all surprised by the emergence of these pics. "This is actually a good thing," she explains, "because now I can get a restraining order or something. ... On the bright side, I think this qualifies as an excuse for me to get an extension on my term paper."

After the jump, Lena's surprisingly calm chat on the Ivy League lovers' spat, and two carefully chosen and non-pornographic pics from the gallery.

UPDATE: IvyGate will return to a normal posting schedule on Jan 14. Enjoy the holidays/exams.

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This past Friday the front page of the New York Post, America's paper of record, was given over to a picture of a naked man strolling about Midtown. Naturally, he went to Yale. Today the paper caught up with "curly-haired hipster" Josh Drimmer and exchanged a few words with him from his comfy new Bellevue digs.

Juicy details are few and far between. A freshman dorm-mate reports,  "He would eat scraps of food people left around for a couple of hours." He was a double major in English and theater studies, like seemingly everyone else at Yale. He was not, however, a member of "the Pundits" -- the secretive anti-secret-society secret society -- which is too bad because this sounds like it would have been a huge coup for them.

Also, here's his blog, which isn't as weird as one would hope. Dude really likes Fleetwood Mac, apparently.

Anyone know anything else?

Lastly, here is a video which Gothamist is reasonably sure stars none other than Drimmer "bopping around Time Square," as the Post put it.

Diffferent blogs chart progress in different ways. Some look at pageviews; some at Google rank; some at the number of times they place stories in established media outlets. At IvyGate, we prefer the yardstick of infamy. And by its inerrant measure there can be no topping the month of April.

On April 11 -- thanks, we're guessing, to two recent visits from the male nudity fairy (Justin Kan; balls) -- we got our first-ever report that IvyGate is officially blocked at someone's place of employment:

Access Denied (content_filter_denied)

[Redacted] has blocked access to this website as it has been categorized as Nudity;Personal Pages;Sexual Materials. Refer to [Redacted] Corporate Information Security Policy for additional information.

Believe us, we were some proud papas when the news arrived. But that just didn't compare to the dispatch we got last week from a reader on the other side of the planet:

Thought you might like to know that your blog seems to be blocked in China--Keep up the good work! ... I'm mostly in Beijing, though the site is unavailable everywhere in the country as far as I know.

Guess it was the all the class warfare!

Spanking the Daily Princetonian last Wednesday distracted us from the real news in that day's paper: STRANGER SNAPS PICS OF NUDE MALE ATHLETES. Some perv, apparently, was hiding in a bathroom stall in the Caldwell Fieldhouse, taking secret photos of naked dudes showering after track and lacrosse practice; the athletes gave low-speed chase (presumably in shower sandals, wielding back-scratchers) but he disappeared around a corner.

Two things. A) The suspect should totally email us, we're desperate for IvyGate Galleries submissions, and B) track star Ted Price '10, who witnessed the incident, described him as having a "well-done mullet" and "handlebar moustache." We really have nothing else to add.

Justin.tv launched to medium fanfare last month with the EDtv-ish premise of showing you all of Yale grad Justin Kan's life: every meal, every conversation, every minute of his day, broadcast live to the web.

But that's all of Justin Kan's life. What about all ... of Justin Kan?

As far as we can tell, in all the hype surrounding the web channel's launch -- JK was on the "Today Show" Monday, for Chrissake -- nobody has unearthed the (ahem) whipped-cream slathered nude pics Kan posed for as a senior at Yale in 2005. Well, thanks to a tipster, we found them, on a little blog called, um, IvyGate.

Somehow, writing about justin.tv on March 21 didn't jog our memories about an all-time favorite post on naked Yale dudes from September. And evidently, Kan is such a webby guy (he's got a previous dotcom collapse under his hat) that IvyGate's normally high Googleability failed everyone lazily researching their justin.tv coverage. So, belatedly, here it is again, the Cool-Whiptacular beefcake shots of the Internet's latest venturetard.

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The last time we heard from Brown's Queer Alliance, they were promoting their fall SexPowerGod event with fliers slightly less titillating than an ear infection -- a far cry from their steamy work of yore. We're happy to report that the gang has regained its footing (Wow, we're reviewing pornography now. This site is in goooood shape) with the promo materials for last weekend's "Starf*ck" dance, which we lovingly supply for you, NSFWishly, after the jump. (Above: official logo, doctored to include central casting's Creepy Guy No. 0001.)

Sorry, don't go to Brown? SexPowerGod and Starf*ck, for the un-immunized, are the QA's thermonuclear orgy blowouts so powerfully debaucherous they rip space-time and inhibitions to pieces. Except when they don't. Starf*ck was cancelled last year when 24 students were Medevac'ed for booze ODs at SPG '05; this weekend, a paltry one required medical attention. Even the Herald is calling the party "tame."

Given that the sex parties appear to be dying (if we see one more quote about "liberated space" or "problematizing boundaries," we're getting a Winchester and shooting a brown bear), we're more fascinated than we want to be by these pics. It's not like they dug up the one or two kids on campus willing to get all vivid on camera; some 40 students showed up to an open casting call, according to the Herald -- although they also said the money shots would include "costumes and accessories," a prediction you can judge for yourself after the jump (NSFW!), so maybe we shouldn't trust every line of the story.

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"Hey, what are you doing the weekend of May 5? Finals, huh? Well listen, a bunch of my buddies and I were gonna take that weekend to kick back, de-stress, you know, just hang out. Like, in nature. Where is it? Oh, it's just this resort I know. It's on a lake. Fishing, tennis, ping-pong, that sort of thing. Oh, and you can totally pack light..."

If you find yourself in a conversation like this in the next few weeks, take our advice and run.

It just so happens that Saturday, May 5 is New England Intercollegiate Nudist Day (NSFW). Imagine everything you'd do at summer camp -- swimming, tennis, ping-pong, air-hockey, boating, volleyball -- then add bare humanity, and you have a pretty good idea of what to expect. They've apparently invited "college nudists" from 23 schools, including Yale (natch), Brown (natcher), and Harvard (not natch at all). The price is right, too: only $10 for a full day at their 400-acre Woodstock, Conn., compound. (The fact that they normally give out 50% discounts to anyone under 40 is a pretty good indication of their regular clientele, not to mention mister's wrinkled ass above.)

Hosting the event is the Solair Recreation League (NSFW either), a misleadingly named group whose members, judging from a cautious glance at the photos on its web site, spend most of their time marinating in hot tubs, standing beneath waterfalls, or playing racquet sports in nothing but their Tevas.

So is the nudist retreat heir to the naked party? Doubtful. For one thing, there's no alcohol allowed. Call us skeptical, but we're pretty sure the only reason naked parties work is the abundance of booze. Without that social lubricant, you'd have kids getting evac'ed for hyperventilation. Then there's the fact that, as Seinfeld said, there's good naked and there's bad naked. Instead of the low mood lighting of a college dorm, you've got the harsh, unforgiving rays of day. Add the volleyball factor and you're likely to witness things you can't unsee. (That said, we'll gladly print any dispatches the brave few are willing to share.)