In the late 60's the so-called Zodiac killer wrote a series of cryptic, threatening letters to newspapers across the Bay Area. Many people suspect the letters (and murders) were the work of one Arthur Leigh Allen. Personally, I suspect steel baron, philanthropist, and all-around bad-ass Michael Scharf (Princeton '64).

Since, well, forever his ridiculous letters have been appearing in The Daily Princetonian. Consistently scabrous, unabashedly conservative, and strongly committed to Jewish causes, they are more often than not the only thing worth reading on the editorial page.

After a particularly titillating "Sexpert" column, Scharf wrote a letter accusing the two female authors of having,"debase[d] themselves and Princeton with their coarse, vulgar and embarrassingly crude article." He goes on to suggest that, "the editorial staff at the 'Prince' obviously needs therapy and an infusion of morality and sensitivity," and wonders to everyone, "Is Princeton becoming the nation's poster university for the deviant, prurient and obscene?" Uh, if only.

In another letter he laments, "the abyss into which Princeton's basketball fortunes have sunk in only three years under Coach Joe Scott '87." Recently, after a student wrote an op/ed taking issue with certain eating club policies, Scharf wrote a letter counselling him to, "stop being so sanctimonious and accusatory, sit back and have a Grey Goose on the rocks (if he is 21)."

Diversity seems to be a particular bête noire for Scharf ("Oh, how I wish the increasingly vacuous word "diversity" would disappear from the lexicon of the Admissions Office.") In response to an article which suggested LGBT students might receive preferential admission to Princeton, Scharf penned what is probably the greatest letter ever published by the Prince. I have to quote it in full:

"This diversity nonsense is truly getting out of hand. To even consider giving a preference to lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender students is an absurdity. If the bizarro Admission Office wants sexual diversity on top of every other type of diversity, then let's hear a cry for bestiality, necrophilia, incest, sadism, etc. so that Princeton will no longer be accused of emulating Harvard's admissions office. We can just follow the course of Sodom and ultimately self-destruct."

Fucking legendary. IvyGate salutes you, Mr. Scharf.

After the jump -- the complete letters of Scharf, including some boarding school reminiscences ("I have always been fond of saying that 'Andover made life easy for me,' and it did.")

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