Conservatives have said for years that the Ivy League elitists hate the troops. In recent years, Ivy Leaguers have attempted to undermine the United States military by trying to disenroll family members from the Naval Academy or contaminating the Marines with gay. But as of yet, no Ivy alum has physically harmed members of the military. Until now.

The New York Times reported last week that Dr. Gary Kao of the Philadelphia V.A. Medical Center is the worst doctor since Doug from Scrubs. Dr. Kao--who has a Ph.D. from Penn--had been treating veterans with prostate cancer by using a common procedure in which radioactive seeds are implanted into the prostate to attack tumors. The obstacle for Dr. Kao is that you can't find the prostate on Google Maps.

Most of the seeds, 40 in all, landed in the patient’s healthy bladder, not the prostate.

Yeah, that's not good. So that patient had to return for a second implant. This time, Dr. Kao injected his rectum, missing the prostate again. According to the Times, Dr. Kao's team at the V.A. Hospital had screwed up 92 of 116 cancer treatments over six years. That rate of failure is so incredibly high that Dr. Kao must have been trying to give veterans radioactive butt on purpose. One internal medicine doctor--upon seeing the 92 of 116 statistic--said, "He could have done better just by guessing."

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The titillating ruling from an appellate court in Boston: Harvard MD-PhD and new mother Sophie Currier deserves extra time to pump her  breasts during a 9-hour medical licensing exam. The Associated Press reports that, after failing the exam by a few points, almost-Dr. Currier sued the National Board of Medical Examiners for extra time to deal with her mammaries. The district court ruled in Currier's favor, and the appeals court upheld their rule. But the Board plans to appeal again, which would bring this battle over medical-practicing mom-boobs to the state's Supreme Court.

Why so prude, Medical Examiners? Their lawyer notes that Currier, who holds an MD-PhD from Harvard, is already using the Americans with Disabilities Act to acquire a private examination room and extend her testing period to two days (everyone else will be doing it in one) due to dyslexia and ADHD. If the 24-hour break (compared to everybody else's 45 minutes) isn't enough, couldn't she use her private room to pump while she pencils in scantron bubbles? The notion of which boggles the mind and makes for some severely strange mental images.

While whiny test-takers (especially those fantasizing they have learning disabilities despite being smart enough to get into Harvard's MD-PhD program) irk us, it's hard to fault the lady. She'd be crazy not to do whatever it takes to pass that damn test and start getting rich curing cancer or whatever.