The Architect Speaks: Cornell Police Just Gave Snow Penis a Love Tap

On Sunday we told you the story of a snowball fight gone awry; of a justice system, obsessed with its own power, that waged a war of attrition against snow-whimsy; most importantly, of an anatomically correct snow penis, painstakingly fashioned from powdery bliss and maliciously torn down by a repressive regime. (NEVER FORGET.)

Basically, there was a snowball fight at Cornell last week, and the police broke it up. Along the way they tackled a snow dong, which we found hilarious. But we wondered if we would ever learn any more about the ephemeral ice-shaft, or if the true story would be lost in the annals of time.

Then we received the following email from Matt L., architect of the frost phallus that rocked a campus. Enjoy:

Yeah that was me. A friend of mine dislocated his arm the night before the snowball fight, and wasn’t up for throwing things so we decided to be constructive. It was supposed to be a snowman, but then we made the midsection as large as the base; when you find yourself with two, equal sized snowballs, there’s really only one artistic direction to pursue. Surprising thing was once we started construction of the shaft and yelling “Snow-cock? SNOW-COCK!” every couple of seconds, tons of randos started helping out. By the end there were at least 9 people I had never seen before packing and smoothing out the thing… interesting to see the sorts of projects we bind together on.

Anyway, once the cops started working through the crowds, we just gave them space; at this point we had no interest in the fight anyway. But then one of the officers just sorta, casually slapped the snow-cock and it tipped over. I guess we cut some corners in building. Other people have described what he did as “beating” or “karate-chopping” it, but it really was just a sorta careless light shove, which honestly was a little bit demeaning to our work. Strictly speaking, we were encouraging people to build a snow-cock instead of throwing snowballs, I would have thought they’d be on our side. I was involved in the igloo building project last night (I heard you guys might be covering this too) [Editor’s note: Yup] and multiple campus police cars drove through the quad (probably because somebody wondered what we were up to), saw what we were doing, and then just said it was awesome and we should keep building, so we did. And we made a kickass igloo. Maybe this is a double standard on their part? Or maybe one was a well-constructed igloo and the other was a half-assed snow-cock, so I’m not sure I can really hold it against them.

Anyway, if you take away nothing else from this email: It was a snow-COCK. Not a snow penis. Not once did ANYBODY involved in the building call it a snow penis. It was a snow-cock, and will forever live in our memories as a snow-cock, if not THE snow-cock. Snow-Cock 2011. I’m disappointed the Sun got this detail wrong.