Hey prospective college students! Are you struggling to decide which college is the right one for you? Well have no fear, because USA Today has come to your rescue with their brief write-up of some researcher's rankings of the nation's best college towns.

The college town is one of the most important factors for prospective students in making their college decision. After all, in a typical freshman's week of studying, crying, and having sex (not necessarily in that order), he or she has a massive two hours of free time to spend in the town. And when that student is in said town, it must contain the resources necessary to allow the student to fulfill his or her important tasks of running to Wegmans and buying pot (not necessarily in that order). Determining suitable college towns is not something to be taken lightly. That is why dozens of researchers and statisticians spent months laboring to identify the towns with the most optimal sketchy bar-to-student ratios.

And in the end, Ithaca came out on top! This is truly a great day for Cornell (and to a lesser and more communications-based extent, Ithaca College). Take that Columbia and Harvard! Ithaca truly is gorges, just like your mom.

Oh, and about those quotation marks in the title. First, Ithaca technically was the best college town in America. This article was written back in the beginning of September--well before the great Pig Microbe Armageddon of 2009. We didn't know about this article until now because, well, it was in USA Today and we haven't stayed in any hotels in the past month.

Secondly, a "college town" is defined in this instance as a metropolitan area with a population of under 250,000 people. There were four categories in total, with the other four consisting of metropolitan areas with over 250,000 people, over 1 million people, and over 2.5 million people. In that last category, New York was number 1 and Boston was number 3. So Columbia and Harvard may not necessarily agree to "taking that".

Finally, the towns Ithaca beat in its category include State College, Ames, and Iowa City. This competitive situation is known in economic game theory as the "guy with one leg versus the three guys with no legs in the Tour de France" condition.

Okay, so maybe its not so great a ranking for Ithaca. Cornell recognizes this, as they didn't even mention the article on their website. Though that may be due to this ranking's lack of wizarding movie tie-ins.

In a previous post, we told you that a well-known group of, uh, "religious" people came all the way from Topeka, Kansas to stir the 'ol pot o' hatred in front of -- but not actually within -- Cornell. Well the good old reporters at The Ithaca Journal have come through again with the first posted pictures of the congregation in action in Ho Plaza yesterday, so I felt I should pass it along to all you concerned folks on the 'Gate.

(no, I'm not going to venture into a "Ho" pun.)

Hot, steamy pictures of homo-haters after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »

I swear, I was in complete agreement with Newell about no more nerd postings...but I didn't want to send you off to a weekend in the heat unfulfilled.

According to a recent article in The Ithaca Journal, STARFLEET, a non-profit "Star Trek" fan association, has announced that it will hold its annual conference in the land of the gorges in 2008.

OMG LYKE BEAM ME UPP, BITCHEZZZ!!!1! TREKKIES UNITE!!1

Apparently, the organization has 200 chapters and 3,800 members worldwide -- with about 200 expected to attend the Ithaca event. Best of all, the chairman for the 2008 International Conference is none other than an IT security engineer at Cornell:

We're hoping to get a lot of people from out of town to come and check out the Ithaca area and sharing the joy that is 'Star Trek' geekiness," said Daniel Adinolfi in the article.

Apparently he's not the only Cornellian in on the act, as Rick Kline, data manager for Cornell's Spacecraft Planetary Imaging Facility and self-professed Trekkie, will be giving a tour of the solar system.

(As you can see, this is exactly the place where one might apply the aformentioned virginity figures in the Ivies.)

According to the conference's website, the theme of the conference is "Back to School" and the chapter will "be taking full advantage of Cornell University."

Umm...I'll leave that for you to decide what that means. 

If you're in town and want to attend, the conference is June 27-29 at the Ithaca Airport Ramada Inn. Just don't forget that Ithaca's bragging rights include beating out Greensboro, N.C. and Oklahoma City, Okla. to host the conference. What now!?!

I CAN HAS TREKKIEZ! -- ANDREW NUSCA