BREAKING! Ivy League Presidents Discussing Expansion

An inside source close to a recent meeting of all eight Ivy League presidents in New York has revealed exclusively to IvyGate that the group is strongly considering adding “at least two” schools to the Ivy League. Especially strong proponents of the plan, which had first been floated internally by Columbia Athletic Director M. Dianne Murphy as a means of increasing interest in and profit from the Ivy League as an athletic conference, are Columbia’s Bollinger and Dartmouth’s Kim. Yale’s Levin, predictably, is strongly opposed. A resolution allowing two to four schools conditional acceptance to the Ivy League athletic conference, but forbidding them from capitalizing on the academic cachet the imprimatur grants, may be reached.

What would the revamped Ivy League look like? Our source tells us that the goal is to include one school with a large student body and aggressive expansion plan, though not especially strong athletics: New York University. The other definite in, if expansion is to happen, would be Georgetown, as a means of slightly broadening the geographic reach of the conference. Farther-flung names were bandied about, including Stanford, Vanderbilt, and Rice — no decisions are being made until a meeting in Providence in May. Arbitration might be required to release whatever “new Ivies” are designated, but Bollinger especially seems to view this as a mere formality.

None of the eight Presidents were available for comment.

UPDATE: Cornell ADPhi Hazing-Bros Swallow Goldfish, Urinate Out of Windows, Have a Ritual Abuse Chamber, and May Be in Trouble [PICS]

A couple of weeks ago we brought you the exclusive and twisted tale of Cornell “literary fraternity” ADPhi’s hazing travails: nudity, dogfood, ritual abuse, etc. Well, in the days that followed, some considerable crap went down: the story went viral, you feisty commenters went wild (it was Spring Break, after all), and new info and multimedia started streaming in from all sides. We’ve held off on updating, letting the story simmer, but now–with pics and fun galore–we can’t restrain ourselves any longer. Here’s what we’ve heard from our tipsters:

  • ADPhi’s pledges were forced to swallow the goldfish that they were asked to bring in the email.
  • A text message from one of the pledges: ”Sorry, I can’t make dinner tonight, I’m going to get hazed really hard.”
  • The Cornell administration is currently involved, investigating the hazing allegations. (One of our sources is allegedly being “threatened” by ADPhi bros.)
  • ADPhi maintains an incredibly sketchy “Goat House” (pictured above), a door and windowless tomb accessible only via tunnel, where the brothers perform their rituals. It’s rumored that a few years back an unsuspecting pledge received third degree burns within its shadowy walls.

Oh, but there’s a lot more. Head on past the jump for more exclusive pics, including funtimes inside the frat and an unfortunate use of a second-floor window.

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UPDATE: ADPhi Hazing Irony Tastier Than Hypocrisy and Dog-Food

Our Cornell frat hazing story has gotten the Internet all in a tizzy; it’s currently lighting up the front page at Huffington Post and enflaming the feisty Gawker-crowd (also, these nerds). Just to add to the fun/fuel the fire, look what we just stumbled on, right on the front-page of the Cornell ADPhi chapter website:

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Zero Tolerance for Hazing at Alpha Delta Phi

Several Cornell websites help visitors to learn about allegations of hazing at Cornell, report alleged hazing incidents, explore non-hazing group-building activities, and find out what they can do to prevent hazing. Take a look at: Hazing at Cornell and services for victims of hazing.

The best part? The links lead nowhere.

Yes; frats haze, no big deal. We think only an idiot would subject oneself to it, but to each his own.

But lying and hypocrisy? Didn’t know that was a brotherhood kind of thing… Ritual abuse, however “voluntary,” seems a little bit like Monica Lewinsky; you only get in trouble when you start fibbing about it.

REVEALED – Alpha Delta Phi Hazing at Cornell: Surprise! It’s Awful!

The bros of “literary fraternity” Alpha Delta Phi (yeah, really…) may not be living up to their noble, stated aims. IvyGate has received an exclusive copy of an email sent to this year’s ADPhi pledges, detailing their hazing lineup. We’ve also gotten our hands on an anonymous report of the night’s disgusting, dehumanizing festivities.

The young pledges were:

  • Forced to chug a slurry of dogfood, tabasco sauce, and sour cream;
  • Run relay races, while blackout drunk, through the great halls of the ADPhi manor–filled with flour, beer, and water–while being pelted with dodgeballs;
  • Jog naked laps outside the house in the below-freezing Ithaca winter;
  • Stand outside in a “lineup” for two hours, with only a shirt, jacket, tie and slacks.

Brotherhood and ritual abuse FTW!

ADPhi bros: we hope you successfully vented all of your testosterone/closeted-homoeroticism/self-esteem-issues/meathead aggression on these defenseless freshmen. We don’t want to see exploding sweatpants in the back-row at lecture.

Defenseless freshmen: Remember when Pike–that other frat at your college–poisoned those other defenseless freshmen? Maybe a warning sign…? The experience sure doesn’t sound like, in the words of the ADPhi website, a

process [that] enhances individual self-respect as well as fostering responsibile concern for others within the chapter

I bet hypocrisy tastes even better mixed with dog-food and sour-cream.

Full ADPhi email (fun fact: from a kid I went to high school with!) after the jump:

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UPDATE: “White People… PRETTY White People” – Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful List is, well, Racist

There was something about Rumpus’ recently released 50 Most Beautiful list that seemed a little off. No, not the typos, falsifications, or numbers accidentally written in Arabic (seriously). We couldn’t quite put our finger on it. Something about the gradient: white after white after white. Maybe their printers ran out of black ink? If only…

Apparently, in the gossip rag’s esteemed opinion, a disproportionate number of Yale’s pretty people are, well, of the Caucasian variety. We’ll let the ’50 most’ numbers speak for themselves.

For comparison’s sake, here are the racial demographics of Yale as a whole, courtesy of Questbridge:

  • Caucasian: 68%
  • African American: 9%
  • Asian American: 14%
  • Hispanic: 8%
  • Native American: 1%
  • (FYI, 20 out of the 29 Rumpus-ites who worked on the issue are white… yup, about 68%)

    So, using the power of math, our crack quants at IvyGate HQ have calculated that Rumpus’ 50 Most Beautiful List is 21.6% whiter than Yale in general. Ouch.

    So much for the post-racial America, Barry.

    UPDATE: Student Uproar Over Dartmouth Alcohol Crackdown Sweeps Interwebs

    When it rains, it pours. Dartmouth better brace itself for a real, non-lame student uprising. In the few hours since the sting operation announcement, Dartmouth chat board boredatbaker.com has exploded with anti-police vitriol and mobilization schemes. Check it out: the posts are flooding in as we write. Some highlights:

    like if this shit is enforced, it’s over. dartmouth social life as we know it is over.

    a frat brother needs to apply to be a sting agent to infiltrate the operation, learn the rules, and see how its done

    FUCK THE PO-LICE. I forsee a student uprising so big it’ll make the 7 years war look like a bar fight. And I bet Chief Nick Giaccone can barely hide his boner when talking about the proposed ‘sting operation.’ Seriously dude youre up against a bunch of drunk teenagers not the mafia.

    I GOT PEANUT BUTTER ON MY DICK!!!!!!!!!

    Mature dialogue indeed. Then again, lots of posters are reminding us that the traditional Dartmouth shitshow Winter Carnival is coming up. Great timing, popo.

    In the meantime, the Facebook group “Students Against Hanover Police Alcohol Policy” has shot up to 655 980 1792 members (42% of the undergraduate population), and is gaining by the second. The group puts two-and-two together:

    This would, in effect, close down the frats into strictly members only events, and there would cease to be open parties or even open front doors on any night of the week.

    Finally, Dartmouthians internet-over are resorting to the ultimate trump card: Police Chief Nicholas Giaccone’s contact info, lovingly reproduced below.

    PoliceChief@hanovernh.org, Nicholas Giaccone, Barnard Road, Grantham NH, 603 863 8375

    Do with that what you will, Dartmouth, and keep checking back here for continued coverage. Thanks for the tips. We’re with you in spirit; though, for now, not “spirits.” We don’t want to end up in jail.

    BREAKING: Hanover Police to Unleash “Sting Operations” in Attempt to Destroy Drinking/Fun at Dartmouth

    Remember that whole drinking-age-of-21 thing we have here in the US? You know… absurd, internationally-unprecedented, and more to blame for binge drinking and drunk driving than testosterone and Grand Theft Auto put together?

    Well apparently, in the wake of three poisoned freshmen at Pike, the Hanover Police do. After an intense meeting with Greek organization leaders and other concerned Dartmouthians, the fuzz has just announced that they will begin “sting operations,” as part of an ongoing campaign to stamp out illegal alcohol consumption on campus. How? Espionage. Really:

    As part of the compliance checks, Hanover Police plans to send non-police operatives posing as underage individuals into Greek organizations’ physical plants during parties to see if they are able to procure alcohol, he said. Hanover Police could then use the information as cause to arrest individuals or bring further legal action against Greek organizations.

    Essentially, that cutie you were trying to bed at the PhiDelt-post-renovation-party could turn out to be a glock-packing snitch; rather than buzzed and laid, you’ll end up in a 5-by-5 cell. Repercussions of the new Mission-Impossible infiltration scheme will be even harsher for the frats themselves. 100 G’s harsher:

    Greek organizations can be tried as corporations, and can be charged with reckless conduct, a felony-level fine, for providing alcohol to those underage…With evidence that Greek organizations are supplying underage individuals with alcohol, the organization can be fined from $2,000 for a misdemeanor to $100,000 for a felony.

    Naturally, this new police policy is incredibly stupid. Even more naturally, the Dartmouth campus is in uproar, with students, alumni, and faculty alike protesting in droves. John Alekna ’10, president of the recently immolated Phi Delt, hits the nail on the head:

    This will drive drinking underground.

    Alumni Joe Asch ’79 is the coolest 52-year-old we know:

    How does this help kids deal with over-consumption? This will make kids hide, they’re not going to stop.

    The Hanover Police playing spy novel in an errant attempt to suck all the remaining life out of Dartmouth’s campus: irresponsible and counterproductive to be sure. But unexpected? Nah. Dartmouth already leads the League in unnecessary alcohol-related arrests:

    “To protect and serve,” eh?

    Read on after the jump for the full text of the police email, details from the portentous meeting, and implications for the Dartmouth social scene.

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    BullBlog Editors Likely to Be Slaughtered By “Glee”-Watching Hordes

    The BullBlog has published the first part of its a cappella “Xagat guide” and boy, is it fun! We just got through our own four-part investigation, so we’ll let their anthropological work on the rivalries between those tribes of trolls who fight over who can do the best “Still Fighting It” cover speak for itself. Okay, fine. Just one:

    Some call them “catty” and “not musically the best,” but others argue they have, overall, “the best repertoire of the bunch.”

    It’s all in what they DON’T say, you know? Just like the real Zagat guides (about real, non-singing-group things, like food!). We can’t wait for the boys’ list.

    Gay Ivy Video Roundup or “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Yale Admissions Video”

    Lots of fuming, totally-not-homophobic commenters are seeing the new, camptastic Yale Admissions Video, That’s Why I Chose Yale, as something wholly unprecedented, and — in its tight falsetto harmonies and flamboyant prancing — a betrayal of all the manly ideals of Ol’ Blue. Wrong. The video — which has divided teh Internet and sent our very own Bobby Fineman into a coma — is more than a fabulous flash in the pan. Take a gander below. Recently, a bunch of struggling-actor-type Yale grads got together and wrote a musical of a different sort. Actually, it’s not that different of a sort. It’s creatively called “Gay Ivy,” and features many gay people and things, including Kobi Libii ’07, star of the new Admissions Video. Also, lolz:

    “And though I’m something of a maven, there’s something in New Haven, I really can’t explain! … Nigeria has stamine / Ireland has famine / San Juan and San Jose have silent “j’s” / Manhattan has a plaza / Israel has the Gaza / but Yale… has… the gaaaays! *vibrato*”

    Winding back the clock even further, IvyGate has uncovered the Admission’s Video’s direct homophilic descendent: “Mean Gays.” With a little help from our friends at the ever-clever Bullblog, we can safely tell you that the Yale Admissions Video would never have seen the light of day were it not for this gay-to-the-max Mean Girls parody, and its star and creator. The fabulous man in question is Mark Dunn ’07 – former Yalie, a-ca-fella, and featured hunk in Rumpus’ 50 Most Beautiful. He’s now a Yale admissions officer, and – save our souls — the master puppeteer behind That’s Why I Chose Yale.

    With no further comment, we give you “Mean Gays,” the story of one mountain boy’s journey of self-discovery from boy-crushing-bumpkin to catty-stereotype, immersed in the gay Eden that is Yale College.

    “Oh, we’re not interested in books. We came here for the Boys.”

    Finally, in the movie American Psycho, Christian Bale plays a Harvard-grad serial-killer and says some funny, enlightening shit.

    “You know, that ‘Yale thing’”

    Our conclusion? Call the new Yale Admissions Video what you like, but ‘without precedent’? We think not. But, you protest, what about all the scared little high-schoolers out there, cringing and tearing up their applications at even a whisper of man-on-man action. Well, so what if they don’t apply; Yale has far too many transcripts flooding in as is. Quality over quantity. (In fact, maybe That’s Why I Chose Yale is just the admissions office’s secret plot to reduce their paperwork…)

    The kids who get a kick out of beautiful cinematography/people/harmonies, irony, and tongue-in-cheek hilarity could be a little more attractive and conducive to Yale than the humorless, self-important, vaguely homophobic douches who can’t watch musical theatre or two guys kissing without feeling insecure. For the latter folks, well… that’s why they chose Dartmouth.

    “Heels. PRETTY HEELS”: The Pi Phi Plastics, Part 2 of 4

    38The Pi Phi saga continues! Late last night, we received an email from Pi Phi’s chapter president, telling us that the emailed fashion guide for rushes did not originate within Pi Phi, and that,

    Unfortunately, we are not a very fashion-conscious sorority, and we can be seen most days wearing sweatpants around campus.

    Sorority girls: they’re just like us! But rush isn’t “most days,” and presumably anyone would want to look good in their own way. But the more stringent requirements of the document:

    I’m going to be doing dress checks so have your outfits for each round completely figured out before you get to Ithaca

    just don’t jibe with the chapter president’s representation. As to the question of the document’s veracity — it refers by name, and in a complimentary manner, to members of past pledge classes. Rushes, get ready for your dress checks: you better work!

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