Here at IvyGate, we usually tend to refrain from writing about ourselves (hell, who are we kidding… we’re Ivy-Leaguers. Self-promotion FTW). Yet, today marks a proud day in our humble blog’s scandalized history. The glass-house-dwelling stone throwers over at Yale’s drunken, debaucherous, dastardly, and delightful tabloid, Rumpus, today released a scathing IvyGate expose, gracing the last two pages of its final issue of the year.
After hard-hitting investigative journalism like “American Negro Gets Bored,” “Senior Hook Up Bingo,” Modern Love criticism, pornography, hipster-hating, lies, and half-naked pictures of its sultry, YD”P.N.”-loving Editor, how could we ask for more! Reaching our fill of typos, libel, ressentiment, social-masturbation, and “cock goblins,” we turn the page, feeling imperceptibly dirty… only to encounter this hysterical feature: “Remedial Media Awards: Yale’s Top Five Publications or, A Tribute to Alex Klein.”
The facts: Our beloved Bullblog is savaged for its hipster dilletantism, inflated sense of social importance, and journalistic frivolity, while the Yale Daily “News” receives genuine compliments and amorous overtures from the article’s “anonymous” author. And yes, there’s IvyGate, in first place! We didn’t even prepare a speech! From a publication that prints at least four times a year and that everyone reads, it’s truly an honor.
Wait a second… why is ex-editor and superstar Adam Clark Estes being lampooned for pouring too much effort into a “terrible, irrelevant blog.” (Maybe our 1,376,977 yearly readers — most of which hate us — should get in a fight with their 5,000 — most of which hate them. Then again, their middling few are supes cool Yaliens, so it would be close.)
The final page of Rumpus’ last issue of the year? Eat your heart out Pulitzer! We certainly can’t condemn our genealogical brethren at Rumpus for disorganization. There’s the five part list of “reasons why Alex Klein is brilliant.” Aw… you shouldn’t have. Oh wait, they’re insults:
- Dan and I update often and have expanded IvyGate’s readership (to ~7,000 unique visitors a day). Ouch(?)
- Supposedly, IvyGate posted the Yale secret society taps under *gasp* a pseudonym (um, the byline of our *gasp* co-editor-in-chief). Harsh, legitimate criticism, especially from the notable, obviously real author bylined in the feature: “Erectopus Superbus.”
- We totally released “wrong” Secret Society lists and noted that they had not been released yet. You caught us! A wopping one Skull and Bones difference, two Wolf’s Head differences, and zero Scroll and Key differences. So, that’s 3 out of 46… calculating… calculating… a 93.5% correspondence with the Pundits’ list.
- Hey, while we’re on the math front… Wasn’t Rumpus “50 Most Beautiful” list 21.6% whiter than Yale in general? Apparently, we were huge jerks to jokingly point that out and get picked up by “a shitty feminist blog”: Jezebel. According to “Erectopus,” 21.6% is “statistically insignificant,” while our aforementioned 6.5% divergence constitutes being totally “wrong.”
- We posted about our alumni. How douchey and braggy, totally unlike the only pseudo-maintained section of Rumpus‘ webpage:
Although Rumpus may think the focus of their award-feature is IvyGate and its co-editor, really, the star attraction is the tabloid itself. In fifth place, with trademark self-deprecation, the Rumpus self-honors. At least they did it for the lolz.
And so did we. Rumpus and IvyGate are practically twins separated at birth. We also make typos, self-promote, slip into snark, and fuck up. After all, we’re just uppity (yes, uppity), hormone-addled muck-rakers, spreading stories of Ivy League ridiculousness in between papers, parties and trysts. So are Rumpus, and here’s their Editor-in-Chief, who just emailed us to apologize:
we do this sort of thing in remedial almost every issue (our first remedial of the year was 2 pages of why we hate Tom Kaplan, we don’t actually hate him, he didn’t mind at all). We’ll also be the first to admit that we have no credibility criticizing publications when we’re clearly the worst run organization on campus and haven’t so much as written a real article all year.
But, despite all our foibles, making unsubstantiated ad-hominem attacks behind the veil of a pseudonym… well, we’d rather post about stuff like that than do it ourselves. So we are.
All that aside, our evil twin Yale tabloiders, we stand by what we said in that personal, complimentary email we wrote you – which you mockingly reprinted, without our permission: we love you. We’re proud of our dubious award; thanks for the publicity.
Full Rumpus’ “Remedial Media Awards” feature after the jump, plus pics:
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