The following episode of the IvyGate Index® has been rated WTF for strong language and a graphic depiction of a complete lack of Ivy dominance.

Welcome to the third (and probably final) installment of the IvyGate Index®, our hyperscientific gauge of Ivy influence in arbitrarily chosen fields. This time: Hollywood! Are you ready for your close-up?

To measure Ivy dominance of the film industry, we sicced our in-house team of Nobel number crunchers on the 78th Annual Academy Awards. We knew it was a gamble: Hollywood is not the Ivy slumber party that, for example, the media and the executive branch are. But how bad could it be? Movies are important … and nothing’s more important than the Ivies … so we should totally own these jokers, right?

Not so much. For the top 12 Oscar categories, a grand total of one (1) bona fide Ivy League diploma walked trophy-ward across the Kodak Theatre stage.

Why, it’s … it’s almost as if an Ivy diploma is overvalued in this context! Sean Penn, auto mechanics major at Santa Monica College? Say it ain’t so! We cry a single tear as we inform you that Hollywood’s IGIQ (IvyGate Index Quotient) is a box office bust at exactly 12 percent domination. Slap me Pappy, it’s pie chart time:

Verdict: What have you won for us lately, Natalie Portman?

Soldier on past the jump, if you’re able, for notes on methodology; disinfect all surfaces after handling raw data.

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