Flush after their Superbowl victory last weekend, the New England Patriots chose the unlikeliest of places to celebrate their achievement: a Harvard finals club.
Never one to miss the intersection of professional sports and professional learning, BroBible’s meticulously updated article chronicles every single second of the alleged night, including the potential grievous bodily harm that occurred.
The story goes something like this: after their parade through Boston, a few members of the Pats spent their evening in one of the country’s most hallowed academic grounds, where a lucky finals club member had a sports agent connection via his dad. Thus, Patriots at Harvard. There are multiple photos of a bearded man who, according to our careful Wikipedia-ing, appears to be Julian Edelman, the team’s punt returner; various tips also claim that wide receiver Danny Amendola and cornerback Darrelle Revis were also in attendance. It was only Edelman, however, who graciously lifted his shirt to the tune of several dozen screaming ladies of both Harvard and BU. The photos on BroBible beautifully capture the rapturous joy on his face.
But the joy couldn’t last forever, and limbs couldn’t stay intact.
One of the pleasures of being a practicing lawyer is the ability to take an informed stand against the daily injustices of life. Imagine the assured self-sufficiency that Ben Edelman, a Harvard Business school professor and licensed J.D., must have felt when he threatened his local Chinese restaurant with legal action himself over the money they overcharged him one December night – which came out to $4.00. Four dollars. Four.
Not even four dollars per item, just four dollars.
Perhaps the highlight of college sporting events, the annual Harvard/Yale football game takes place this Saturday at Harvard Stadium in Boston. As the front pages of both school papers’ opinion columns announce, tensions are already rising in the form of snappy op-eds. (Have you heard, for instance, that Harvard killed the dinosaurs?)
For the past few years, Harvard comedy group “On Harvard Time” has released burn videos mocking the school’s arch-rival and seeding fear into the hearts of Yalies right before the great game. They’re usually pretty funny. This year, though, Yale has decided to retaliate with a viral challenge of its own, in a video that proves that while Yale students may boast the more adorable mascot, they really needs to work on their snark level – not to mention voiceover skills.
In the newly released “Harvard: Put Up or Shut Up,” an independently directed production, the Yale College Council throws down the gauntlet and shames Harvard students once and for all for their inferiorities, including:
They could not come up with that much.
Taking a break from the world’s most pretentious rivalry, the Yale Club of Boston hosted a summer networking party at Harvard’s Fly Club. An extensive wine list from a February 2013 dinner was found in the house, with drinks ranging from a $600 Bordeaux to a $38 Sauterne–for the few poor members who have to live in the real world.
If you’re devastated that you missed the chance to network, fear not! Yale Boston holds its weekly Alumni softball game, every Friday.
Wine list after the jump
Human cupcake Katy Perry hung out at the Harvard Lampoon castle on Saturday night:
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The current issue of the New Republic features former Yale professor William Deresiewicz going on for 4000 words deriding the Ivy League and other “elite” schools. This is not unusual: Deresiewicz has done this before and probably will do so again (there’s freedom in not getting tenure, it seems). But with a solid clickbait headline, the article made the rounds on social media and we decided to address some of the fallacies and paradoxes presented in his TNR arguments. Join us.
This week at #AspenIdeas, former Harvard hall co-master (and current Yale Child Study Center lecturer) Erika Christakis talked about how Harvard students aren’t dating. A bunch of non-college students on the panel then set about debating why college students aren’t conforming to their standards and telling us how, once again, us dumb millennials are doing something wrong.
Tired of letting old people speak for us, IvyGate came up with a list of the real reasons Harvard students aren’t dating in the “traditional” sense:
- There’s no grade inflation in first impressions.
- Chances of ending up in someone’s tell-all memoirs a few years down the road are too high.
- You assholes keep telling us millennials aren’t serious enough so we’re focusing on serious things like class and shit instead of dates.
- Still waiting on line at a final club.
- That emo phase in middle school really drained us.
- Storing up on care-free sex while the school still pays for birth control.
- Only understand “romantic” in literary terms.
- The Cambridge Panera is always too crowded for dates.
- Can’t figure out if “having it all” means having a husband or having lots of casual sex.
- Rebelling against helicopter moms.
- The Winklevoss twins do not look like Armie Hammer in real life.
But the real reason Harvard kids aren’t going on dates? They’re too used to thinking once you get in you don’t have to expend any more effort.
This week, New York Magazine did a feature on the delicious DC summer interns, one of our favorite subsets of students. Of the 10 interns profiled, half of them (from our sleuthing) are Ivy Leaguers, hailing exclusively from Yale and Harvard — though this post in the very earnest “Yale in Washington Summer 2014” group may have had something to do with that slant:
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According to the New York Times, ousted executive editor Jill Abramson will be returning to her alma mater (and tattoo inspiration), teaching narrative nonfiction this fall at Harvard. Nonfiction writing majors across the Ivy League collectively shrieked in jealousy. We’ve reached out to admins at Harvard and will update if we get more information.
If you make it into her class next semester, put your narrative nonfiction skills to good use and tell us all about it–and let us know if she follows that great Harvard tradition: grade inflation. Hit us up email@example.com
Update 1:50PM Harvard made the announcement as well, confirming Abramson will be teaching undergraduates in the fall and spring. Undergrad Program Administrator Lauren Bimmler told IvyGate that the classes “are open by application to undergraduates and graduate students” and, of course, “[w]e’re very excited to have her!”
As Harvard’s Class of 2014 steps out to make their way in the world, they leave behind some priceless facts culled from the annual senior survey. In the spirit of celebration and congratulations, The Crimson faithfully reported on the senior class’ politics, porn habits, and virginity status. The email survey sent out among the graduates received over 700 responses, providing an idiosyncratic and color coded picture of the Harvard lifestyle — “extracurriculars” and all. Some of our favorite highlights below:
- We’ll start with a real shocker: of the seniors immediately entering employment post-graduation (70% of the class), 31% will work for finance and consulting companies.
- In another unexpected twist, nearly all employment fields showed an unequal starting salary among men and women: women going into technology or engineering report a salary of $50,000 and $69,999, while the men entering the same fields report between $90,000 and $109,999.
Sextracurriculars and more after the jump